everything is terrible
August 2, 2020
and yet,
here we are.
i finished the through the loops mastery shawl 2020 ages ago
and, immediately, i hated it.
it was hideous in my eyes, though
blocking it helped quite a bit.
i don’t know what it is, exactly:
the colors
the asymmetry
the fact that it was difficult to block
and nearly impossible to photograph (damn shawl photography!)
after a couple of weeks, stewing,
this is my takeaway:
i absolutely loved knitting it, and for a process knitter, maybe that’s all that matters. but looking at it in its current iteration, it lacks cohesion. the very thing that made it fun to knit—the varying techniques, the interplay of color, not knowing what it would look like—are what make me not like it now. i think it’s the repetition and symmetry i enjoy in lace shawl knitting that’s missing for me. even a subtler contrast would be more appealing for me.
let me be clear.
it’s not the shawls fault.
it’s exactly as advertized:
a high contrast asymmetrical shawl.
it’s simply a question of taste, and i, apparently,
like symmetry, regularity, a subtle contrast.
who knew‽
and yet!
giving away my last shawl
made me sadder than expected.
so i’ve lovingly tucked away my ugly duckling
because, after all, i did knit it.
in other knitting news,
i’ve been working on a boneyard 2.0.
i fell in love with the yarn
and this patten’s simple regularity has always been deeply soothing.
i was also excited by the 2.0 part, boasting
longer wings for a more wearable,
isosceles shape.
cependent, i remember remembering that
yarn over increases at the edges
on both right and wrong sides
created a very tight edge,
one that curves, rather
than lying straight.
i ignored what i knew,
and more than 400 yards in,
after beginning the single row striping—
at the mathematically perfect part of the shawl, i’ll add—
the problem has only gotten worse. and, as much as i’d like to,
i cannot delude myself into thinking that shit will block right out.
ripping it will happen.
just not yet.
but the heat and general shawl failure
makes the idea of hand-winding 900 yards of wool
untenable.
my only other option, my
last spark of knitting joy,
is this
because obviously the rational response
to being unable to knit a basic shawl
is some bohus stickning,
how’re you?????
look, i like stephen west
July 16, 2013
or to be more accurate,
his work, as we’ve never met.
we have corresponded a couple times
and he seems like a lovely person.
now, you all know me.
i am not one to utter any unkind word
especially against a tall, handsome, ginger-gay
who could probably take me in a scrap.
but this?*
this new “tripartite”?
this lace-weight linen thneed?
gurl. i know probably spent a lot of time on this,
and that linen probably tore up your fingers.
but no t no shade, not everything you knit
is a publishable design.
just sayin’.
she does know how to work her angles to her advantage though,
looking all young and thin and such.
#shadybitch
anyone is, of course, free to disagree with me.
you’d be wrong, but still, if you do,
you can purchase the pattern here
and join the other fools knitters
who’ve cast this on.
*you gotta click the links to see the pics.
normally, i’d snag them, but as they’re copyrighted,
you’ll just have to visit westknits’ flickr to see the madness.
clockwork meets a harlot
June 27, 2013
’nuff said.
tomorrow i recount my epic adventures with the tina in portland
colorado
June 15, 2013
the clockwork is still in colorado (i think)
and sally of rivendale farms (and of the comments)
has been showing it a marvelous time in the centennial state.
it attended the estes park wool market with sally and her pal jill
where it may have broken a rule or two.
(jill seems like my kind of people)
sally and jill found this yarn-bombed tree in lyons, co.
they stopped to “let the clockwork have a visit with its cousins”
sally, i can pretty much guarantee that there’s no relation between my clockwork and what looks like that tree’s thneed.
then, it was off to see jan of cat crap hill (also of the comments)
where it became acquainted with chickens
and jan’s broadway tendencies.
1. the chicken!
2. how fabulous is her name?
3. at first i thought that alpaca was jan’s ponytail.
sally’s husband jim got into the act.
the chickens like him, apparently.
the clockwork was apparently “over served”,
which is, i hear, a common occurrence on cat crap hill.
and sally found it passed out the next day amongst its shame.
and finally, it met my namesake!
steven ambrose jr. looks far better in it than i ever did.
thanks sally.
you did colorado proud!
what’s next, i wonder?
*photo and copy credit go to sally ball, without whom this post would not be possible.
happy halloween or the official rhinebeck post of 2012
October 31, 2012
it’s halloween,
sometimes known
as gay christmas.
so it feels oh so right
that i should have a happy post.
maybe some life stuff?
and then the rhinebeck post?
ok i’ll keep the life stuff brief.
1 – i gave a guest lecture today. i, apparently, rocked. i presented a scaled-down version of an article i’m working on. prof liked it. two undergrads came to her office hours and told her how much they enjoyed the class.
go me.
2 – i rewrote my entire comps proposal this week. committee members find it much improved. i continue on, encouraged.
go me.
3 – i have discovered the udon sushi bakery in east lansing. it’s asian fusion in the real sense, pulling from taiwan, korea, and japan. i am obsessed. i plan to eat my way through their entire menu. and the taro bubble tea? divine.
go food.
the combination of these three things has turned my frown entirely upside down. maybe the harlot is right about that whole universe balance business she’s always going on about. the thing that’s kept me going is that, while the stress has been nuclear, i can track real results in my progress in the program and improvement in my work. i might actually make it through this thing and become a scholar i want to be. we’ll see.
but now for the official rhinebeck post.
writing a cohesive narrative about rhinebeck is a fools errand.
instead, i’ll give my overall impression
and let the photos guide me.
sound good?
this is where we stayed.
i realize you’re jealous. you should be. it’s an amazing house.
(but don’t any of you fuckers even think about trying to book it for next year’s rhinebeck. we’ve got dibs. and anyone who tries to snatch it will have to answer to our leader, yarny old kim a.k.a. buttermilf painkcakes)
ahem.
this was my room.
getting this room was the only perk ever accorded to me for being an epic snorer.
this is where we gathered
and modeled our knits
and delayed our departure for the required pre-rhinebeck tomfoolery.
this was the line.
(the leaves were far less peepable this year)
this is misa‘s epic fucking scarf
in which she has knit four lines of robert frost’s ‘mending fences’
if memory serves.
misa?
this was the crowd at into the whirled.
i predicted last year that they were the next big thing. i heard a sales figure that validated that prediction.
this was the miss babs mob
with a bonus stephen west kinnering.
(so last year there was this moment when i saw him and was sure he saw me, recognized me, then looked away. i realize this is completely paranoid and kinda arrogant since, most likely, he has no fucking idea who i am. still. my insanity requires i now keep my distance. maybe next year i’ll get over my lunacy and ask him to be a part of nips with steVen)
speaking of kinnearing,
that is clara parks.
this was the rug
and the lady who hooked it
that made me finally get rug hooking. gorgeous.
this is the very loud andean band that plays every year.
your support bought them those ponchos.
this is the crazy magician wizard man
of whom i am terrified and cannot imagine letting a child near.
this is a cat statue.
this lady fucking wove those bath towels
and i bought the shit out of them!
this is morgaine.
(see my allegan post)
this is what andrea thinks of the crowd.
this is me with david.
he comes from a land down under. i have a crush on him.
this is andrea and i inducting two new people, dale a.k.a. njstacie‘s gingerlovahhusband & michelle into our rhinebeck tradition of sampling the ghost chili (a.k.a. chili fantasma) pepper sauce.
i don’t know why we do this. it is not pleasant. next year, there will be a new, even hotter chili pepper sauce for us to sample: the scorpion chili.
i’m afraid of next year.
(p.s. after this moment, michelle chugged a large chai to cool the burn and threw it right back up into the cup. sorry to put you on blast, girl, but i refuse forget that memory)
these are vicuñas. 
they are really rare.
this is a pretty sheep.
this is what it looks like
to sit in the leaves of a substandard leaf peeping year.
imagine a good year.
these are some of the yarn bombs we left behind.
next year – horn warmers for the water buffalo head in the den.
this is what we do on the internet early in the morning.
best quote of the weekend:
“ow! my twat. my twat!”
“it’s for art!”
see you next year!
clockwork lives!
August 2, 2012
before i begin, let me tell you a little bit about how blogging works for me. time passes in long spells with nothing for me to write about. then, all of a sudden, five posts’ worth of stuff falls from the sky and lands in my lap. often, if i don’t write about it immediately, it becomes irrelevant and prime blog content is lost. this time, however, i’m going to try to ride this wave of blogworthiness and see if i survive.
here’s hoping for a string of good posts, eh?
first up, who remembers my clockwork?
it stalled out for a bit
but it’s on the move again.
recently, it went to fucking hawaii!
eutrapalia blogged about it here.
it is a tale of joy and woe.
do me a favor and go leave her a comment.
it’s knitters like her that make this silly dream possible!
kateyj took the clockwork to d.c.
here it is at the evolution exhibit of the smithsonian
and here it is on katey’s shuttle driver, marlon
katey is very organized
and has taken charge of getting the clockwork where it needs to go.
if you’re interested in hosting the clockwork,
maybe you can ravelry stalk her.
as for me,
i’m going to try to plan tomorrow’s post.
can you all handle two in a row?
winners
September 24, 2011
well i guess i’ve let this drag on long enough.
it’s time to announce some winners.
first prize, my thendara, goes to tina b.
the random number generator picked her number.
congrats babe!
there was only supposed to be one second secret prize;
it was meant for the person who resposted the giveaway in most creative way. but how could i pick just one when
two ladies really stood out.
first there was tammy.
tammy got her coworkers to harass me into giving her my thendara.
i firmly believe in harassing people to get things you want.
i think it’s an only child thing.
while i couldn’t just give her my thendara
(that would be breaking the rules after all)
i have to applaud that kind of ingenuity.
then we have cynthia s.
she printed out my blog post
and stuck it out on a telephone pole.
that, bitches, is some fucking creativity.
so cynthia and tammy will be getting a copy of westknits book three
compliments of yours truly.
if either of you makes a thendara,
i’d love to see it.
until next time!
mircoblog giveaway
September 16, 2011
i don’t have much time,
but since so many people so belligerently kindly told me
that my thendara was worth it, i’ll give it away.
the bitches get stitches thendara giveaway
the rules: the only thing you need to do to enter this giveaway is share this blog post in some fashion. you can tweet it, blog it, google+ it, post on ravelry, whatever. there should even be some convenient buttons at the bottom of the post to make sharing easier.
then, just leave a comment letting me know that you did it.
we’re on the honor system here.
the prize(s):
my thendara (minus the mo, obviously), knit in sanguine gryphon bugga!.
there will also be a secret prize given to the person who(m?) i deem reposts this in the most interesting way.
good luck bitches!
edit: a winner has been chosen. thanks for playing!
p.s. you can currently pre-order westknits book three and knit one for yourself as well! go on. buy it. now!
this is just to say
September 13, 2011
i have made a,
stephen west
neck accessory,
thendara.
the yarn carried up
the side is
too tight,
it puckers.
does an imperfect
edge mean i
shouldn’t give it
away?
(seriously. i wanted to give this away on the blog, but is it wrong to give away something with a wonky edge? does anybody want it?)
spunky clockwork
May 26, 2011
in all the confusion of my life,
i kinda lost track of my traveling clockwork.
last i knew, it was with amy aka boogie aka spunky eclectic.
photo courtesy of amy/spunky eclectic
other than that, i’ve lost track of it.
erica, if you’re out there,
i hope you’ve taken care of it!
if anyone else has spotted it on the internets,
do let me know, won’t you?
i worry so.
Bitches Get Stitches 