everything is terrible
August 2, 2020
and yet,
here we are.
i finished the through the loops mastery shawl 2020 ages ago
and, immediately, i hated it.
it was hideous in my eyes, though
blocking it helped quite a bit.
i don’t know what it is, exactly:
the colors
the asymmetry
the fact that it was difficult to block
and nearly impossible to photograph (damn shawl photography!)
after a couple of weeks, stewing,
this is my takeaway:
i absolutely loved knitting it, and for a process knitter, maybe that’s all that matters. but looking at it in its current iteration, it lacks cohesion. the very thing that made it fun to knit—the varying techniques, the interplay of color, not knowing what it would look like—are what make me not like it now. i think it’s the repetition and symmetry i enjoy in lace shawl knitting that’s missing for me. even a subtler contrast would be more appealing for me.
let me be clear.
it’s not the shawls fault.
it’s exactly as advertized:
a high contrast asymmetrical shawl.
it’s simply a question of taste, and i, apparently,
like symmetry, regularity, a subtle contrast.
who knew‽
and yet!
giving away my last shawl
made me sadder than expected.
so i’ve lovingly tucked away my ugly duckling
because, after all, i did knit it.
in other knitting news,
i’ve been working on a boneyard 2.0.
i fell in love with the yarn
and this patten’s simple regularity has always been deeply soothing.
i was also excited by the 2.0 part, boasting
longer wings for a more wearable,
isosceles shape.
cependent, i remember remembering that
yarn over increases at the edges
on both right and wrong sides
created a very tight edge,
one that curves, rather
than lying straight.
i ignored what i knew,
and more than 400 yards in,
after beginning the single row striping—
at the mathematically perfect part of the shawl, i’ll add—
the problem has only gotten worse. and, as much as i’d like to,
i cannot delude myself into thinking that shit will block right out.
ripping it will happen.
just not yet.
but the heat and general shawl failure
makes the idea of hand-winding 900 yards of wool
untenable.
my only other option, my
last spark of knitting joy,
is this
because obviously the rational response
to being unable to knit a basic shawl
is some bohus stickning,
how’re you?????
gifty
June 4, 2014
the other day,
i got a package.
and you know how much
i love an unexpected package.
there wasn’t a note or anything,
so i had to do a little digging to
find out it was from my old
shop sibling, anna, who,
as you can see,
hasn’t updated he blog
since the arrival of her second son.
there is absolutely nothing better than an unforeseen gift;
may it be a sign of many many things to come!
pattern: ishbel yarn: socks that rock in the pining 4 ewe colorway
so thanks, anna.
i miss you, bitch!
tomorrow, how about a fo, eh?
it’s been a while, after all.
four years
August 9, 2013
**the giveaway has now been closed!**
you thought i’d forgotten, hadn’t you?
you thought i’d forgotten it’s my blogiversary.
wrong!
however,
it has been a week, bitches.
as my new favorite blogger would say,
gurl, i’ve been going through it!
so i don’t think i have a thoughtfully written post in me tonight.
if you feel like getting sentimental, head on over to last year’s post.
but i should do something to commemorate the occasion, right?
make shit just a little festive around here?
what about a giveaway?
for old times’ sake?
the bitches get stitches fourth blogiversary giveaway!
the rules:
1. spread the word – you can do that anyway you see fit; reblog, tweet, e-mail, facebook, ravelry, phone call, text, whatever. there’s even a ‘share’ button at the bottom of the post. just let some other knitter know about the giveaway. it’s completely on the honor system. i trust ya.
2. leave a comment – it’s the easiest way to assign everyone a random number for the all-knowing random number generator to pick a winner. make sure to comment on this post. you’d think i wouldn’t need to specify that but >shakes head from experience< and for the sake of fairness and my personal sanity, please leave only one comment.
3. this one’s most important – you only have the 24 hours from the time i posted to ‘spread the word’ and ‘leave a comment’. the winner will be announced tomorrow, august 10th.
the prize:
while i realize my mere presence via the words on your screen
is a gift unto itself, the only gift you really need,
a $100 gift certificate to blue moon fiber arts
would be a bit more traditional.
(i’m a sucker for tradition)
sound good? then get to it!
and thanks for sticking with me for another year, bitches!
things finished
July 27, 2013
photographing these socks was a bittersweet event for me.
as you may recall, i began these socks with the intention
of giving them to stephanie pearl-mcphee
at the next knot hysteria retreat.
it’d become a tradition of mine.
but of course knot hysteria is no more,
so god only knows when and if i’ll see her.
when i finished the socks,
i was in the tipsy fog.
and it didn’t hit me
until i took their picture
that these socks are basically homeless.
so as i see it, i have two options:
a. – give them away on the blog to someone with similarly tiny feet.
b. – use my super secret sneeky plan to get them to canada.
what do you think i should do?
still, i’m totally happy with how these turned out.
they’re as close to perfectly matched as one can get, even the heels.
i love the heels. (pattern details: here)
my tipsy socks are also finished.
that’s right, bitches.
two f.o.’s in a month.
(i may have an emotion)
however,
unlike my mes chausettes pour p.-mcphee,
my tipsy socks do not match.
at all.
now i ask you,
because maybe this is just my ignorance about dying,
but how can two socks be so different when:
1. same knitter
2. same needles
3. same pattern
4. same gauge
5. same fucking yarn.
can someone please explain that to me?
while i do love the second sock
and recognize that it is beautiful,
i still completely prefer the first one.
there’s always gonna be a favorite,
as with any siblings.
these socks are not homeless, though they will be a surprise.
luckily, i have the recipient’s address this time.
finally,
(and believe me it pains me to say this)
i need advice on . . . a baby sweater.
let me be clear: i’m cool with babies.
it’s parents of babies i can. not. stand.
which generally results in the same thing: avoiding babies.
but this universe has a sick sense a humor
and frequently makes us deal with things we’d rather not.
so i’m going to knit my friend a baby sweater.
it’s not going to be any degree of cutesy;
nor will it be even the slightest bit wootsy.
if i see any baby blue acrylic yarn, i’m pulling the plug.
i want to make something dignified and stylish for a small person.
that’s all.
so what would you recommend?
is the baby surprise over?
from a bedroom in scappoose, oregon
July 18, 2013
i began this post
in the middle of the night
in a guest bedroom in scappoose, oregon
with the intention of recounting my day’s activities
and proceeding thusly for the rest of my mini-vacay/retreat from life.
however,
it soon became obvious
that scappoose lacked the bandwidth necessary
to blog on a daily basis, at least if i wanted to show you my pictures.
so now i am home
literally weeks after my return.
and must resort to the recap format for today’s blog
this might take a while.
there was fun with chickens,
which is one of my favorite scappoose-ian past times.
coffee at ristretto roasters
which was the only coffee i had in portland that lived up to the hype
(this mocha was not fucking around)
there were a couple trips to grand central bakery
where i was more impressed by their breakfast sandwich and shrimp po boy (scroll down) than their sweet stuff.
in portland proper,
there was the ubiquitous
homeless/punk/beggar with cute animal entourage.
this group was outside powell’s where i had a pretty amazing haul
the next day,
tina and i went to black sheep gathering
where we saw judith mackenzie judge the fleeces,
a thoroughly delightful and educational experience.
(note: apparently, shetlands are in this year)
(the aforementioned shrimp sandwich)
we ran into beth hansen of hansen crafts
she is . . . a character. if you meet her,
and it feels like she’s making fun of you,
that’s because she is.
it’s totally normal.
i have strong feelings about the miniSpinner,
but this is all i’m going to say about it: i’m a traditionalist.
if you’re not, and aren’t bothered by the electric component
you should definitely buy it;
it’s a pretty fucking awesome product.
i won’t be buying one because
i am a fuddy duddy.
i will also draw your attention to this:
really beth? really?
there was this monstrosity,
which is apparently a spinning wheel.
it needs to be melted down into something less ugly.
i stopped by black trillium fibre studio‘s booth,
one of the only booths i thought worthy of documenting, really.
the problem with all of these shows,
especially the smaller ones,
is that these people aren’t business people.
sure, i bet 90% of them make an amazing product,
but that doesn’t mean they know shit about how to sell it.
you’ve got to make a booth that makes people want to come in,
or you might as well not even bother to show up.
melanie knows how to work with what she has;
simple set up, a few beautiful samples, wide open
so people can get in and out easily.
good job.
similarly, the men at the clemes & clemes booth knew what was up!
these dudes are professional, know their product, work well together,
have their demonstration down, and there’s something to be said for a uniform. this dude had me wanting a fucking drum carder
something for which i have no use or space in my life.
that, my dears, is a salesman!
(sorry for the shitty photo)
there was this cuteness
and this cuteness
and this cuteness.
then i met some west coast knitters
though i can only remember angela davis (the knitting one)
with her amazing mustard eye shadow (right) and parna
(with the broken hand), both of whom i hope to see again.
(sorry angela, not the best photo, i know, but better than the other one)
as we were leaving we saw this dude with his dog and guitar
very huck finnesque.
the next day,
tina took the misses newton, heidi dog, and me to the beach
before which we hit up this joint,
pacific way bakery & caféwhich, was fucking amazing…last year.
but made us a but queasy this time around.
and our waitress?
then we returned for more chicken time, but with a twist.
i don’t know what it is, but i fucking love deer.
maybe it’s from watching bambi as a kid, i don’t know.
but i can not get enough deer.
and i got way close to this guy.
i was then treated to a ________ about which i cannot tell you.
what i can tell you is that it was a moment when i felt
humble, special, and kinda fancy.
because it was fancy.
and more than a little pantsy.
though likely wasted on my middle class ______.
mystery!
the next day i began the tipsy sock
while hanging out with the falcore-esque heidi dog.
(she has no fucks to give)
*
the whole tripped was capped off
by an amazing meal at cocotte bar & bistro
a meal totally worth live tweeting. which i did.
(click pics to read descriptions)
then i immediately hopped on a plane and headed home.
this trip was my vacation,
a flight, really, from my incredibly stressful summer.
there were whole swathes of time when i was not seized
by crippling work-related anxiety.
that level of ease is only surpassed
when i escape to my parent’s house,
or as i still think of it,
‘home’.
still,
tina’s guest room
is a close second.
she’s the kindest host.
i even get my own bathroom.
*there was an undocumented fabulous indian dinner with tina, megan, and deb, friends from three very different epochs of my life, followed by a night out with megan at a former bowling alley dive where, once the lyons’ club bingo night rapped up, we watched the mentally challenged and tone deaf sing karaoke.there’s no picture in the world that can capture that.
second sock
July 14, 2013
last night,
i knit into the wee hours
to finish these socks*, liberate my needles,
and get started on the second of my tipsy socks.
i have a hand cramp.
*it’s in the bath. pics to come.
a good, plain sock
July 10, 2013
i shouldn’t be up.
to say that it’s late
and that i have a very full, important day tomorrow,
would be to laugh in the face of anything resembling “understatement”.
but i promised you all a sock
and i so rarely finish a knitted thing these days.
(though if you’d prefer, i have more korean food i could share)
anyway,
i give you,
a good, plain sock
(the color is truest in the first two photos):
yarn – socks that rock lightweight in the new ‘sadie sue tipsy’ colorway
pattern – sock recipe: a good plain sock
i saw this skein
et les membres de sa même famille
during my last visit to portland, oregon.
(i know i know i owe you a post)
the tipsys had just been born
and i kept eyeing this skien.
if you’re lucky to visit the tina newton
and you stare at one of her skeins long enough
and she likes you
she might give it to you.
apparently she likes me.*
i only had the one set of needles with me
and they were already in another sock.
well i’ll tell you what, i ripped the needles right out the sock in progress and cast this puppy on. though it occurs to me now
that i was staying with a woman
who specializes in sock yarn.
i bet she has some needles i could’ve borrowed.
huh.
anyway,
i chose this pattern,
not only because i basically have it memorized at this point,
but because this is a brand new colorway,
and i wanted to see what it would do.
and because the pattern is so easy,
i was able to revel in the color,
how it built in each new round,
seeing what would change
at the heel flap
and gusset.
i am completely enamored of the swirly flashing;
the copious amounts of white make it for me.
and i should have taken a pic of the wrong side.
the reverse stockinette made me want to knit something
>deep breath<
for a baby.
i was actually walking around saying,
"but have you seen the inside? look at the reverse stockinette!"
"someone needs to knit something for a baby in this colorway!"
i said it several times to anyone who'd listen.
luckily, someone else took a pic for me. go ahead, take a look.
now you tell me, don’t you think someone needs to knit something in reverse stockinette for a baby in this colorway?
as i was finishing up this sock
while watching silent hill: revelation on netflix,
it ended up being about an inch longer than i had indented.
(would that i always had such problems)
i wonder who i’ll give this pair to?
how will i decide who gets them?
i’m open to suggestions.
still,
it’ll have to wait.
i owe it to the other sock i left hanging.
*there may or may not have been a chocolate mousse involved in this decision
one sad sock
April 14, 2013
on my way to paris,
i decided to knit a sock.
sock knitting is perfect for airplanes, and
i was drawn to the colorway from the last month of last year’s sock club.
since school timing makes going to maryland sheep and wool impossible,
i decided i would treat myself to a knot hysteria retreat this summer.
and since it’s my tradition to always knit something for the harlot when i see her, the sock would be perfect.
her pattern.
tina’s yarn.
tiny feet.
perfect.
and then, the bomb drops while i’m in paris:
tina and stephanie broke up.
no more sock summits.
no more knot hysteria retreats.
frankly, i’m shocked,
and i know a lot of people are.
within 20 minutes of the post, texts were flying between knitters
asking who knew what? how did this happen?*
all i knew,
was i was knitting a sock for an event that would not happen.
never would i participate in yarn-dying melée.
never would i learn more about fiber in a day than i have in the past 3 years. never would i get the chance to spin and knit and make friends and steal my favorite soap that looks like a rock from the port ludlow resort’s maid’s cart. (and i’m on my last fucking bar!)
i made some life-long friends at my first retreat
i learned to spin, just so i could go, and now i’m a spinner.
and now it’s all over.
and there’s this sock
that has no mate, as of yet,
and i can’t seem to bring myself to cast on the next one.
it’s really pretty, and i love this pattern,
but the intension that bore it
can never be fulfilled.
so what should i do?
leave the pair unfinished, in honor of the loss of knot hysteria?
quit whining, knit the second one, and give them away?
you decide.
i can’t.
**my personal hypothesis is that knot hysteria dissolved because tina and stephanie were sick of dealing with the same whackos that showed up to every single event. i mean, there were some awesome folks who went, people that i love. but some of those regulars . . . if you saw them on the bus, you’d get off and wait for the next one to come. just sayin’.
aCute angle
August 17, 2012
i have a confession to make about my last post.
it was what you might call, not entirely honest.
true, that photo was takes in the nest i’d made on the floor,
but i didn’t actually stay there.
it wasn’t for lack fo trying, mind.
it’s just that,
apparently,
27 is the age at which
one is no longer able to sleep on the floor.
it’s frankly quite sad since my childhood was filled with instances of my curling up in unlikely spaces to rest. my favorite was the floor of the passenger side of my dad’s red chevey pickup.
adulthood is filled with sad milestones.
so where did i end up sleeping you ask?
well, while i couldn’t sleep on the hardwood,
i was able to channel my childhood talent for contortion,
and curled myself around the item on the bed,
covering the ends of the blocking wires
to avoid being impaled in the night.
which i suppose would be more impressive
if the item in question were bigger.
it was still, nonetheless,
a challenge.
mo upped the level of difficulty
by finding the one spot to curl up
that made any movement in the night impossible.
so here it is, the first knit i’ve ever slept with:
pattern – aCute angle yarn – luscious silk in the ‘ghillie dhu’ colorway
frankly, this item has been nothing but trouble from the start.
before i went to the knot hysteria gourmet retreat,
i suggested to my fellow retreaters
that we all do a knitalong.
i chose the aCute angle
because it had just been released
and seemed easy enough for us to complete in a weekend.
several people finished theirs in the blink of an eye,
but mine refused to even get started.
the first time, i twisted the join,
and didn’t notice for at least an inch.
the second time i cast on a number of stitches
that had absolutely nothing to do with the pattern.
(i think it was off by something like 12 stitches?)
once i’d finally got myself together,
it was the end of the second day
and my modifications* meant
i’d never finish that weekend.
i know i finished knitting it at some point,
but it sat for ages waiting to have its ends woven in.
then i let it have a nice soak and promptly forgot about it.
i don’t think silk is meant to soak for three days.
there’s something about the texture that feels . . . different now.
even this post has been needlessly delayed.
it’s been written for at least three days;
all it wanted was a final edit.
regardless, it came out beautifully,
and i thoroughly recommend this pattern.
it really is a snap for anyone whose mojo isn’t on the fritz,
(though blocking lace in the round presents its own unique challenge)
and this is one pattern where i think the yarn is perfectly matched.
(just note that, on ravelry, it’s currently misspelled as ‘a cute angle‘
losing all the fun wordplay in the title!)
now i just need to figure out who it’s for.
though, it might be perfect for mo.
tomorrow, the most irrelvant post i’ve ever written.
>glares at certain portland-based blogger<
à demain, bitches!
*aCute angle modifications: i added one pattern repeat and did seed stitch for the border rather than garter stitch.
114
August 10, 2012
though the random number generator refuses to embed today, it did pick the winner for the bitches get stitches third blogiversary giveaway.
it chose number 114, so medora is the winner!
(you can all hate her now)
congratulations, medora!
you should have an email from blue moon with your $100 gift certificate.
(do contact me if you haven’t gotten it)
to everyone else,
thanks so much for entering.
here’s to another eventful year of blogging!
(i hope)
Bitches Get Stitches 