christmas
December 25, 2010
anytime i go on some kind of adventure,
i have a difficult time writing about what happened.
writing about my first trip to new york might be the hardest.
i mean, how do you put new york into words?
it is truly unlike any city i’ve ever been to.
i felt like i could fall into some hole,
and no one would ever find me,
or even notice.
my brief time in the n.y.c. taught me a few things,
lessons i’ll take with me when i move there in the summertime.
here are but a few:
1. new york city is big. obvious i know, but having never been there, i didn’t understand what “big” actually meant. other cities may be larger in actual size, but i challenge you to name one that can make you feel as small as new york can.
2. people in new york are prettier. they dress better,
and are possibly genetically superior.
take for example my strawberry blonde friend sarah s. 
gorgeous right? (and she only lives in brooklyn!)
this of course means, when i move there,
i too will be prettier.
score.
3. cool people work in new york city
like kim. no one is cooler than kim.
after a little galavant in soho, she bought me a birthday lunch,
very cool.
4. at sant ambroeus in the west village
they’ll let you breathe the same air as celebrities and aristocrats,
diamond-studded trophy wives and their cheating husbands,
and eat the best birthday chocolate cake ever. ever!
i mean there’s gold on for christ’s sake!
thanks for the recommendation rocco dispirito.
5. little bits of history are all around you
and if you aren’t careful,
they’ll bring you to tears.
(you didn’t really think i’d let that photo get out, did you?)
6. a fabulous birthday dinner at buddhakan
is best shared with good friends.
if only to help eat all the food when you over order.
7. sometimes, a costume change is necessary
before heading to the next location.
8. you can find a yarn store anywhere, even brooklyn.
9. unless you’re rich,
you’re going to spend hours each day in the subway.
10. and finally, i learned 26 ain’t so bad,
especially in new york city with my soul twin.
after all,
she’ll always be older than me.
merry christmas bitches,
and a fucking fabulous new year!
birthday news
December 18, 2010
well folks, today is my birthday.
i am twenty six years old.
to me, that seems very old,
but i’ve been told i have a problem with aging.
(my face would agree)
rather than dwell on my fine lines and wrinkles,
how about i tell you my news?
at 161 6th ave in manhattan,
soho publishing puts out vogue knitting,
knit simple, yarn market news, and debbie bliss magazine.
this summer, i will be their lowly unpaid intern.
this will mean a move to new york city for at least three months.
right now, the only thing keeping my excitement under control
is this terrible urge to vomit all over myself.
moving to new york is a kind of mythical adventure;
it’s one of those things “other” people do,
not some corn-fed michigan boy.
the mind reels.
however,
being a lowly unpaid intern means i’ll also need a real job in the city.
so, my new york friends,
wanna see my resumé?
on the eve of my new york adventure
December 15, 2010
it occurred to me that i haven’t done an actual knitting post in a while.
i feel like i haven’t been as prolific as i was over the summer,
but i think i really burned out on the rhinebeck sweater.
so this is what’s been going on;
for the longest time, i’ve wanted a stephen west stripy neck accessory.
i specifically bought some yarn in rhinebeck for one,
but i couldn’t choose which i most needed in my life.
i finally decided on clockwork and i am in love with it.
the rows have gotten epicly long so i doubt it will be done for nyc.
oh well.
tina’s juneberry triangle is still on the needles,
mostly because i misplaced the pattern for a time.
i had apparently decided it belonged with all of my phd application paperwork. makes total sense.
i’ve turned the corner on the edging,
so i still have hope it’ll be done before 2011.
and of course, there’s the sample i’m knitting for blue moon.
anyone recognize what it is?
i was a little daunted when i saw which pattern i was supposed to knit.
i’ve never done a brioche stitch before,
and every other row is knit with laceweight.
that is some serious pressure.
but i’m a knitter. i can knit anything.
so after some practice, i got the body started.
yes that is the body of the sweater,
and before you say that i am in some crazy place of denial,
here are some important facts you need to consider.
this it the small size, with only 136 stitches cast on.
and it’s a brioche rib so it’s all sucked in.
when stretched, i’m getting gauge.
the fabric is slightly looser than i would normally like,
if i were knitting it for someone, i’d go down a needle size
and knit the next size up to have a denser material.
but i’m already working on 5’s.
there’s no freakin’ way i’m moving down to a 4.
it’s already taken a few days to get 5″ of sweater in.
still, sometimes when i look at it,
i get the fear.
feel free to jump in and validate me at any moment.
in other news, i’m may have something exciting to share in a couple days. hopefully. if things go well. if they don’t forget i ever said this.
in fact go ahead and forget i said anything.
i don’t want to jinx it.
obliviate!
to those who wait
December 10, 2010
the other day, i got an email.
which lead to one of the loveliest phone calls ever.
the specifics of that phone call are unimportant.
let’s just say there were plenty of laughs.
the result of said conversation arrived yesterday:
with this yarn,
i will knit my first sample garment ever
for blue moon fiber arts.
i literally got all misty just now typing that.
it just feels really special, having someone think your knitting is good enough, worthy enough to represent their company. tina is a busy busy woman, and she has poured her soul into blue moon. i mean, it’s literally her home for christ’s sake.
i just feel really honored to be a part of it,
if only in this small way.
and the extra money and yarn support ain’t too shabby either.
i’m going to do the right thing, listen to suze orman,
and put that money right into savings.
(i read the money book for the young, fabulous & broke, all of which i am. it scared the shit out of me.)
and that brown yarn,
that’s some handspun. my first birthday present of this year.
(tissue! i need a tissue here!)
oh you didn’t know i had a birthday coming up?
on december 18th, one week before christmas,
i will gain another digit.
to celebrate the end of my youth,
i’m headed to new york in six,
count ’em, six motha fuckin days bitches!
(it’s my first time, new york. please, be gentle)
how can someone as young, fabulous, and broke as i afford such a trip?
no it has nothing at all to do with cramp in my jaw.
simply put, i’m scamming a free bed off a friend.
actually a friend’s boyfriend.
actually it’s his parents.
i have no shame.
i’m hoping it will be as fantastic as i’m imagining,
and i wonder how it will stack up to paris.
in any case,
the best gifts are still the ones you give yourself.
of course birthday gifts from other people still rule,
and in many cases are implicitly mandatory to maintain a friendship.
if you were wondering what to get for your favorite knit-blogger for their birthday or christmas, here are some suggestions
(purely a hypothetical here)
1 – money. nothing says i love you better, or is more personal than cash. a check or money order is also great, but traceable. better to leave no paper trail. (what? i went to school with mob children)
2 – gift card to a LYS. this says i love you enough to let you spend the money as you see fit, but i don’t want you spending it on drugs or alcohol. wool is much safer.
3 – membership in the 2011 rockin’ sock club. this gift says, i know you have a problem with sock yarn, and i’m totally ok with that. it also says you better knit me some damn socks already.
4 – moisturizer. this gift says, you’re looking pretty . . . fucking old. you need to take care of that hot mess you call a face.
(best birthday card ever tina!)
but if your holiday is going to be as tight as so many americans’
nothing warms the heart of a jaded, grinchy blogger,
like a happy birthday comment.
see you in new york, bitches!
still livid
December 8, 2010
i got home today and found that sarah had left me an interesting comment on my fuel for the fire post:
Just wanted to chime in to say that while I agree the gross generalizations are incorrect and possibly offensive, when read in addition to the stories included in the book (a woman getting upset that the fancy cabled and colorwork sweater was going to goodwill, and that the simple dressy sweater was used to rake leaves), there is a bit of “tongue-in-cheek” humor to go along with it. However, that is a difficult thing to get across in writing.
Unfortunately, for whatever reason, the beautiful and wonderfully produced patterns in this book get overshadowed by the commentary and writing around it, that seem to upset some people.
I found the little anecdotes of men using cashmere hats to wipe up cat vomit humorous, and I plan on knitting more than a few of the patterns, because I like that I can choose my yarn, choose my gauge, and all the math and guesswork is done for me. And I choose not to get offended by generalizations, because really, everyone does it…all the time…and if that’s what got someone’s pattern published so I can use it, then so what.
i personally found no humor in any of the anecdotes.
i didn’t find any humor in men being portrayed as oblivious, unfeeling, neanderthals.
at first i thought,
“maybe it’s a gay thing?”
maybe it’s because i know so many queer folk who have suffered because they were unable to fit into these stereotypes that makes me extra sensitive.
maybe things like rampant anorexia and gay kids offing themselves left an right has nothing at all to do with being bombarded by messages about gender.
maybe i’m overreacting,
and men really can’t change
and women must do the changing in order to be happy with them
and with their knitting.
maybe sarah is right and everyone generalizes so there’s no point in getting worked up even when those generalizations cause me and people i care about pain.
she is right that the patterns were good.
but the book is marketed as a guide for women to understand men so they can tailor their knitting to them.
there had to be other,
more effective ways to market those patterns.
this is my blog,
my little corner of the internet.
if i’m offended, i’m probably going to write about it.
and while i still encourage people to ask their lys to remove that book from their shelves, it’s just my opinion.
thanks for sharing yours with me sarah.
you have an interesting worldview.
edit: i took down sarah’s email on the advice of my friend, the editor of the world. *sigh* maturity sucks.
today
December 6, 2010
a customer said i needed to wear a button that read:
“sexy men knit”
first time in my life i’ve been objectified
and didn’t know how to respond.
project ten: take five
December 3, 2010
“I talk to ghosts and furniture, and I think bugs have feelings.
My first babysitter almost broke the world’s record for seeing star wars in the theatre the most, but was just beaten out. She did however drag me with her every time, and so sometimes I recite the movie while I am sleeping.
I sing on stages & ride in buses for a living.
I knit every spare second I have.
You’ll find me on tour,
knitting little white mice and batting them around,
chatting up hamsters, or somewhere near the magic tree.”
know who this is? no?
well, you know that anyone who writes that about themselves,
has got to be on interesting bitch!
thankfully, miss spillyjane turned me on to this designer,
and she graciously agreed to an interview.
so today kiddies,
i give you stephanie dosen of tiny owl knits.
hi steph, thanks for being here.
happy to be!
ready to get started?
lets go for it.
1 – we begin with the inevitable first question: english or continental?
i started continental because i am a crochet bird from birth, but i switched to english when i started teaching. people seem to pick it up faster for some reason. now i go back and forth like a vacillating maniac because i get bored easily. you should see my handwriting; it’s just as inconsistent.
2 – you’re an american citizen right? so how did you come to be living in britain?
about four years ago i met my record producer online. after we made an album, i came over to do the mastering. after that i started touring and working with other bands and buying tiny antique books at flea markets. i guess one thing led to another and seems i just never made it back to the states!
3 – looking at your designs, it’s easy to see that you have a love of the fantastical side of things. where did this love come from?
i think its one part snow white, one part tinkerbell and one part dorothy from the wizard of oz. they were really my best companions when i was very little, add the fact that i grew up literally in the woods with no other little girls around me, just makes me a bit of a reclusive fairy head in the clouds type it think? i spend my days making up songs to my cats and hanging up twinkle lights. i wish i wasn’t such a twee nerd but i cant help it in any way. i’ve tried to be hermione but i cant. im luna lovegood from tip to toe.
4 – i have to ask, do you actually believe in gnomes and such? or is it merely part of the tiny owl persona?
there is literally no end to what i believe in because i don’t really believe in anything and yet believe in everything all at once. it is all so insane isn’t it? the fact that we are stuck to a giant hot and cold spinning ball in space, and we care about each other, and we care about our cars and toys. and we die, and babies come flying out of our bottoms! its preposterous really, how we survive here, how we made cheerios and tacos, cars and escalators. gnomes just seem obvious and a lot easier to imagine existing than an ice cube maker don’t they?
lol, i guess that makes sense.
5 – if you had to label your personal aesthetic in three words, what would they be?
earthy, ethereal, pale
6 – how much of your design aesthetic is organic and how much is cultivated? by which i mean how much (if at all) of your new designs are confined within “the look” you’ve already established?
ah that’s a really interesting question, i think maybe i really just design what i want to have for myself, and so far it kind of goes together. i am pretty intense about what colors i have around me. all of my knickers match, all of my plates match. if my book covers don’t match my other book covers, i cover them with fabric. i’m hyper organized since toddlerhood, is toddlerhood a word? anyway, i like my shit to match. and if it doesn’t i get anxiety, so that might be part of why everything blends as i go through phases.
7 – i feel like these days, anyone who knows how to knit thinks they can design. what do you think of the proliferation of “designers?” and what effect do you think it has on knitting as an art form/craft?
i love the fact that everyone is designing, because everyone always has! it’s just that we never got to see it. sometimes, i think of the victorian genius that we never got to witness because it was created by little girls confined to attics, and thrown away before it ever hit the light. what fantastical magical dolls and trinkets did the hope chests of yesterday hold!? what needlework, quilts and clothing were thrown away and lost in war and fire. now the internet is a big glass window and we can peek in to see what everyone is making! It’s so exciting and inspirational every day there is something new. it’s like going into everyone’s secret under-bed boxes, and looking at their creations. and it compounds and folds over upon itself so we get multiple versions of things. it’s all free too, inspiration is free and creation is free. it’s part of human nature to invent and make things, that why we have so much crap around that doesn’t grow on tress. there will always be enough shoppers to go around, there will always be enough. i also love that something interesting is happening. it is so much fun to be in the middle of an arts and crafts, homey, re-use, re-fashion, whimsical, vintage loving, rose and magic filled, plush-tastic wave of creative madness brought on by economical and technological changes. yeah, some of it is low-standard but i don’t really care. i cant imagine how many times other peoples creations given me a heart-rush and actually made my day better for seeing them. the only negative it has i think is that it can be overwhelming, and can make a person feel like they aren’t doing something as good as doris in norway or something. but that’s a personal battle for each person to overcome i suppose.
8 – for some reason, i’m tickled by the fact that you’re in a band, that you express yourself artistically in different media. can you tell us a little bit about your band, snowbird, what your sound is like, who your influences are?
i put out a few solo records and had some amazingly talented hot girls in my band, but after i started working with massive attack i put my solo stuff on hold, only to lose my solo-mojo and my hot girls to other projects. after the dust settled simon raymonde (from cocteau twins) and i just decided to do a laid back project. we’ve done a bit of touring and are still working on the finishing touches of our first record. there will be some really talented people making guest appearances such as robin pecknold from fleet foxes. also, phil selway and ed o’brien from radiohead are also going to sprinkle some magic on a few tracks.
9 – as you know, it was spillyjane who nominated you for this interview. in her interview she said, “i’d like to know how she takes such simple knitted objects and imbues them with so much beauty.” care to take a crack at that one?
oh god for some reason my first thought was “lots of mayonnaise” but that doesn’t make sense does it. i do love mayonnaise though. for a long time i didn’t know that it was just eggs. i try not to think about it. ah thanks spillyjane! she and i have become friends and she is so creative! i love seeing what she comes up with… as for me… aw shucks.. ya really think so? heh heh thanks! all i can say is its like decorating a cake, you gotta know when to stop and eat it.
10 – and finally, if you could interview anyone for project ten, who would it be and what would you ask them?
i’d interview cirilia rose (“skrillaknits” on ravelry) and ask her what she feeds the pixie army in her head to create her gorgeous arsenal of fantastic designs.
thanks steph for being here.
it was great to meet you, if only virtually.
thanks! great questions! it was so fun i didn’t realize i never left home.
*stephanie dosen (ageless) is an american singer living in london. when she is not on tour with her band snowbird, she spends her time designing knitwear, and publishing
knitting patterns under the name tiny owl knits. she also spends quite a bit of time with the gnomes. they play “catch the frog” and “hopscotch.” though, they tend to leave out the hop bit and concentrate more on the scotch. you can find tiny owl knits knitting patterns for sale on her blog, on etsy, & on ravelry.
yokoo
November 30, 2010
i try not to blog more than once in one day,
but i cannot keep quiet on this one.
it’s no secret,
at least i don’t think it is,
that i love miss yokoo.
years ago, when i first started knitting,
veronica brought her to my attention,
and i fell immediately in love.
there is just something about the way she portrays herself,
not only yokoo the real person,
but yokoo the real persona,
the brand,
the icon.
i found and find her mesmerizing.
the way she constantly evolves, lives her art form,
and somehow makes a living off of it . . .
i know it’s a total cliche but she’s one of my biggest inspirations.
her dedication and perseverance motivate me to do the same,
to sit my ass down and write,
or knit,
or write about knitting.
over the past couple years,
i’ve purchased a few original yokoos.
we’ve also become internet buds,
giving each other a supportive comment,
tweeting our appreciation of each other’s crafts.
(or maybe i’m just an overzealous fan lol)
she made a name for herself on etsy and flickr,
and today, etsy released a “handmade portrait” of miss yokoo.
i was totally nervous to finally hear her voice,
and i in no way expected to hear the old soul in the video.
(though why i don’t know).
and i just felt i had to share it with you.
so here it is bitches,
the handmade portrait of yokoo:
seriously yokoo, congrats.
and in the immortal words of rupaul,
don’t fuck it up!
ps i would give a million dollars if someone can help me make the video fit within my blog column.
nice package
November 30, 2010
while mo may not have given up on waiting for the mailman
i have.
i got the package i was hoping for from yokoo.
she even sent me a bonus package.
they
are
fabulous!
perfect for my upcoming birthday trip to nyc.
i can’t wait to do a ‘thank you’ photo shoot!
i was expecting two others,
but i think i may have to give up on them for now.
which is a bummer since i love a good package,
and am unusually invested in receiving mail.
hopefully you are too.
since i’ve got a couch full of packages going out today.
if you guessed the right book in my “livid” post,
want a skein, and haven’t sent me your address,
better send it soon!
(of course, you had to have posted a comment with the correct guess before i revealed it in “fuel for the fire”)
in knitting news,
i’ve been feeling a bit uninspired.
any suggestions for something i simply must knit?
fuel for the fire
November 25, 2010
let me just say how thrilled i was to see so many of you guess the book.
it is,
indeed,
knits men want:
the 10 rules every woman should know before knitting for a man
by the stupendously sexist bruce weinstein.
all of you will be getting yarn.
a promise is a promise.
my poor stash!
this book made me so angry so often,
i found it nearly unbearable to get through.
i was constantly shouting things like,
“oh my god! that is so offensive!”
“who the fuck is this guy?!”
“are you kidding me?!”
or simply a high-pitched “AHHHHHHH!!!!”
i know i know.
if something is bad in the knitting world,
we’re supposed to shut up and smile.
fuck that noise!
there’s no way i can keep my mouth shut for this one.
but since eviscerating this book line by line would take too long,
let’s just look at some highlights.
i shall call it, the 10 most offensive excerpts from “knits men want”
1. “When men don’t wear what women make them, they’re just being men−with their own quirky likes and dislikes and an inability to express them. When they abuse the garments knitters make them, they’re still just being men−hardwired not to think about feelings, not to think about how much work went into making them, and not to understand why their behavior is so upsetting. Women can’t expect to change these make characteristics, but they can change what they choose to make for the men in their lives.”
i can’t believe in the new millennium people are allowed to make sweeping, generalized, essentialized statements like this.
2. “Men and women behave differently; we all know this to be true. In general, women cry and men don’t. Women share their feelings and men don’t. And women try on clothes and men don’t.”
sneaky bruce! using “we” as a rhetorical tool in an attempt to put the reader on your side by including them grammatically in your argument. unfortunately all i did was scream, “HOW ARE PEOPLE STILL ALLOWED TO WRITE THINGS LIKE THIS?!”
3. “Ideally, he’ll also try on the sweater you’re making as you go, though this can sometimes take some convincing. Here are a few tricks: […].
• Never ask him while he’s watching TV, reading the paper, or engaged in some other activity that’s important to him. Instead, ask him to try on the sweater in the morning as he’s getting dressed or in the evening as he’s getting ready for bed. With his clothes off already, he may be more willing.
• Bribe him. If you’re dealing with a romantic partner, tell him you’ll take something off for every piece he puts on.”
yes women, use your sexuality to get what you want.
make sure you teach your daughters this lesson as well.
and honestly. how important can watching tv or reading the paper be? do people even still read the paper?
4. “Rule #6: Men don’t want anything cute−except you.”
got that women?
if you’re not cute, men won’t want you!
so make it a priority.
just not in his sweater.
5. “Women often suffer for fashion−eyebrow tweezing, bikini waxing, chemical peel, stiletto heels−the list goes on and on. […]. Most men, on the other hand, won’t put up with discomfort for any reason. Dare we call them babies? […]. For men, comfort trumps fashion and all sentimentality. So what does this tell you? […]. No matter how much you like a yarn (or how much you paid for it), your guy isn’t going to be interesting in wearing it−no on his back, his feet, or even his hands−if it doesn’t feel good next to his skin. Despite his five-o-clock shadow, calloused palms, and disinterest in romantic comedies, this is one way in which men are sensitive.”
yes women, men are babies. make sure to mother them!
it’s the best way to get what you want
and i hear it’s quite the turn on!
get real bruce!
i think every single woman on what not to wear is guilty of choosing comfort over style. it is SO not exclusively a male trait.
i have worn 7″ platform pumps for an eight-hour stretch. yes by the end of the night, my feet were in agony. but the same is true of my prada loafers. and every day when i came home from my job in the business world, i took off my dress shoes with a loud sigh of release from another day of discomfort.
uncomfortable shit hurts, and we all wear it because it’s socially required of us. when we don’t, we forfeit social rewards for choosing our own comfort over fashion.
6. “Men can’t fake it. Not in bed, or anywhere else. Take him to the ballet on the night of a championship basketball game and he won’t even pretend to enjoy himself. Same story if you knit him a sweater he doesn’t like−he may put it on once or twice to please you, but ultimately, it’s destined for the back of the drawer or the charity pile.”
i have no words.
7. “Men aren’t dainty. Therefore, they need manly buttonholes, which are stronger than standard buttonholes and able to withstand some bullish abuse.
so if you’re male and dainty, you’re not a man.
8. “Women love to impress, stand out in a crowd. Men love to blend in, not call attention to themselves.”
how about theses stereotypes: all those men with fast cars, flashy suits, trophy wives, and all the men of jersey shore. yup. just trying to blend in.
and to give a knitterly example, i’m reminded of the fact that adrienne martini’s husband has requested that she knit him the the henry viii sweater by alice starmore. clearly a wallflower sweater.
9. “[…] men don’t communicate as well as women do, so you’ll rarely get him to tell you up front what he likes. But if women want to succeed at knitting for men, they’re going to have to find a way to extract this information from the male brain.”
that’s right, i have all these thoughts and feelings and no idea how to tell you. don’t bother asking me. just use subterfuge and elaborate stratagems to figure me out.
10. 
to me this cover says, “behind every good man is a good woman”
trained by a bruce weinstein to bend over backwards to change who they are to meet his every knitterly need
some things this book taught me:
• everyone is straight.
there is no room for anyone who isn’t, even in the knitting world.
• women will find fulfillment by spending a lot of time figuring out the needs of their uncommunicative men and then spending hours and hours knitting them something. if they do everything right, they will be rewarded by the men wearing the garment. if not, expect heartache.
• you don’t need a degree in neuropsychology, genetics, human behavior, human biology, gender studies or any other qualification to speak about the complexity that is gender. nor do you have to provide any hard evidence to back up your work. you simply need the y chromosome to speak accurately about male behavior. this will also be all you need to teach women to behave properly.
the thing that is actually so dangerous about this book,
or any book that talks about gender in this way,
is that it is never merely descriptive,
but also prescriptive.
by saying, this is how men are,
you are teaching them how to be.
you are saying, if you want to be a man, you must behave this way.
hearing this over and over makes people believe it to be true.
even if everything he writes describes every man in your life,
it is dangerous and irresponsible to think all men are the same.
if you expect a man to be uncommunicative,
he will be.
if you expect a man to know nothing about fashion,
he won’t.
the sad part is,
there are some nice patterns in this book.
it is well put together, and lovely to look at.
(quelle supris, jared flood did the photography. shame!)
why then must it be coupled with some of the most sexist writing ever?
seriously, i could go on and on.
i won’t because my readers, as few as they might be in number,
have proved they are intelligent.
you don’t need me to point out how outdated thinking like this is.
here’s my final two sense on the subject:
if you found this book as offensive as i did,
ask the owner of your lys to take it off the shelf.
i did.
and if anyone in your life doesn’t appreciate your knitting,
man, woman, child, or other,
fuck ’em.
finally, we have a FO: nancy in her vest:
pattern: dr. g’s memory vest
yarn: wool from isis, a sheep nancy helped to sheer,
spun up by stonehedge fiber mill
a pattern written by a woman for men
knitted by a man for a woman.
how’s that for a knitting gender fuck?
nancy loved it,
and it will keep her warm on thanksgiving day.
personally,
i prefer an old fashioned fire.
Bitches Get Stitches 