mdsw preview
May 7, 2011
i’m still a little weak,
and my knitting mojo is m.i.a.
but this weekend, i’m shedding my invalid shell,
and heading out into the world for real real.
that’s right bitches.
this shut-in is at the maryland sheep and wool festival.
i packed light. i’m very proud.
i’m traveling with my fibery pal, andrea,
yarn rep and all around hilarious lady.
we had so much fun together at rhinebeck,
that is only made sense to come to maryland together.
the best part about this particular trip
is the fact that andrea is working the festival.
this meant i got to go in today with the rest of the vendors,
and have a peek around before anyone else.
jealous?
while she was setting up,
i took a stroll around the fairgrounds.
i remember last year was so hot and awful,
i never got a good look at the different sheepsees.
so i made a point, with so few people around,
to take in some of their epic wooly cuteness.
there were sleepy sheeps
horny sheeps
devil sheeps
regal sheeps
ghost sheeps
and a whole lot of naked sheepses.
i also previewed all the vendors booths (jealous?)
here are my notes on some of my faves.
the fold needs no introduction. it is where the epic line begins to get your hands on the highly coveted socks that rock. while i too get hard for the socks that rock, i go to the fold for fiber optic yarns and fiber. there’s just something extra special about fiber optic’s stuff. i am drawn to them, their fiber especially. they have a quality.
miss babs was a mob scene last year, and rightly so. their yarn was wicked awesome. this year, peering into their clean looking booth, i didn’t feel the same pull. i’m sure when i see the hordes shoving each other to get the last skein of a given color, i’ll feel it again. and then cut a bitch for the skein.
seeing harriet of autumn house farm brought a smile to my heart. i remember last year, seeing her swamped, sweat pouring off her forehead, a booth full of hot, cranky customers. that woman held it together with a degree of poise i’ll never have. and i challenge anyone to display and communicate the level of passion that woman has for the fiber arts. she’s on another level that one.
and her setup is kick ass, too
spirit trail fiber works has some of the most beautiful yarn, both in color and base, that i have ever seen. but honestly, their booth is a straight up mess. it’s far to cramped. with no one else there, i don’t think i could have fit in their booth. buy their yarn, but be prepared for some claustrophobia (and to throw some elbows).
oh jennie the potter. i’ve tried for a year now, both at maryland and rhinebeck, to get my hands on one of your yarn bowls. today, i saw a variety sitting there in all their glory. one will be mine tomorrow. or else.
and finally, the sanguine gryphon. a late addition to the festival. you will be my first stop. not only because i must have more bugga!, but because i must flirt with the ginger bear(d) i saw helping you set up. seriously ladies. he’s wicked cute. nice touch.
there is another vendor i want to talk about,
a vendor that i met for the first time,
and i left pleasantly surprised.
i’m not really one for needle cases, mostly because they’re either too soft to hold up/protect my needles, or are just straight up poorly made. however! the cases and bags at the crippen works booth are both unique in look, but unique in the fact that they look like they could hold up to the type of abuse we knitters put our notions through.
go there. say hi to katharyn.
buy some needle cases.
tell her i sent you.
it won’t get you a discount or anything.
i just told her i’d blog her.
it was sort of surreal, being back here. i can’t believe it’s been a year already. last year at maryland was my first fiber festival, and even through the extreme heat and otherworldly sunburn, i had an amazing time. coming back a year later and under such different conditions . . . it’s an uncanny feeling. everything is so familiar. i remember where everything is, even when vendors are in a different place. and yet, you can feel the passage of time in the place. it’s like seeing someone you haven’t in a while, and you can’t quite put your finger on what’s changed.
all i know is i’ve met an old friend again.
and i can’t wait to spend two more days with her.
see you tomorrow bitches!
look for the guy in the stolen/borrowed/gifted sunglasses
do you think it’ll be warm enough for shorts?
i hope so!
super secret knitting revealed
May 2, 2011
part of what makes maintaining my blog so difficult
is the fact that most of my knitting is secret knitting.
i rarely knit for myself, and when i knit for other people,
i usually want it to be a surprise.
i like surprising people,
i like making them happy.
the shock/smile is the face i live for.
i also generally prefer to knit for knitters
since, let’s be honest, they’re the only ones who truly get it.
finding a non knitter who actually appreciates the work that goes into a hand knit item, well, it’s like petting a unicorn.
let’s take a sweater for example.
i can knock out a sweater in about month, which is fairly quick i think.
but that’s still a lot of my free time dedicated to just one item.
i spend that time thinking about the person it’s for,
if they’ll like it, what they mean to me,
why i’m knitting it in the first place.
for me, it’s about making something beautiful,
something i can really be proud of, so the person it’s for knows they’re important to me, that i’m happy they’re in my life.
so i’m not going to waste hours upon hours of my time,
(not to mention a good chunk of my yarn money)
if the person for whom i’m knitting
isn’t gonna give a shit.
that’s just stupid.
which is why i decided to undertake this super secret knitting.
i was talking to my good friend bill about knitting one night.
he doesn’t knit himself, but i like him nonetheless.
i can’t remember what he said, precisely,
or how exactly it came up.
i just remember i’d never heard a non knitter put into words so well how special it is to have someone knit them a garment. it was simple, and to the point. and i just remember thinking,
this is a man who gets it.
and in that moment,
i knew i had to knit him a sweater.
luckily, i had the perfect opportunity;
his birthday was six weeks away,
plenty of time to knit a sweater.
so, i cast on.
nothing fancy,
just a top-down raglan.
(elizabeth zimmerman would be proud)
everything was going well until the night before his birthday party.
i was finishing a sleeve, and planned to get up early to knit the collar.
(i cannot explain to you how many times i ripped out that fucking collar.
no matter what i did, it would not come out right. tears were shed)
but something was slowing me down,
a nagging pain in my stomach.
was it something i ate?
was i just overly tired?
well no, actually,
it was the appendix stump rotting in my gut.
it’d laid in wait, a few days shy of a decade,
(i had my appendix out in april 2001)
wrapped itself up in gangrene,
ruining my sweater’s reveal.
bastard!
when i was feeling better,
i tried knitting on the sweater in the hospital.
but apparently, having at least three tubes in your body,
one of which putting mega doses of narcotics directly in my bloodstream, made trying to knit kinda laughable.
i think i did laugh, actually.
when i got out, i tried again.
apparently, extra strength vicodin also makes trying to knit with any skill somewhat impossible, at least for me.
so i picked a day,
skipped my meds,
powered through the pain,
and knit the shit out of that sleeve and collar.
after giving it a nice bath,
i was left with a beautiful sweater.
and most important of all,
the fucker fits!
**some notes on the sweater: i chose a top-down raglan because, while i prefer the look of a seamed sweater, it’s just a faster, easier construction. but i did think a raglan would look best on bill. i also chose a v-neck because it think it enhances the sexiness of any man. clearly, i was right. i used cascade 220 superwash because bill is a non knitter, and while i trust him to handwash a garment, accidents happen. nothing worse than a felted sweater.
more roman numerals
March 24, 2011
so in my frenzy to make my life into a list,
i forgot a couple of things that i wanted to write.
that and day two of my class should be enough for a post, right?
so let the randomness continue!
x. on friday, when i was still pretty bummed out, kristen, a.k.a. @carcosa, tweeted at me: My #FF crown this week is awarded too… @Faiche_Stiabhna for his unique combination of humor, fiber knowlege, and fierce glasses. that totally made my day. (are my glasses really fierce?)
xi. i apparently inspired one of my most loyal commenters and internet friends, miss sally of rivendale farms. or maybe more accurately, this photo of mo did. 
after seeing it, she went on a cowl binge. she wrote about it here.
xii. another besty from the internet, kim, is a nice person. she wants to help the people in japan. she asked me to spread the word, so do me a favor, and click here to read her post. go ahead. do the right thing. i dare you.
xiii. in my last post, i mentioned that i felt that, when you meet a knitting celebrity, maybe you should keep your cool and not act like you’re old friends reunited. this is how i try to operate. (don’t ask me about my success rate). PrincessFee left me the following comment:
You don’t know me, but I do feel as though I know you. Thank you for your humour, wit, & frankness. If we ever get to meet, I will act as though I don’t know you.
first of all, that is sweet. second, i’m so far from being a knitting celebrity that the sentiment is almost laughable. third, if you do read this blog with any kind of regularity, i imagine you’ve a certain amount of shamelessness in you. i would never expect you to show such restraint if you see me out in the real world. just don’t be disappointed if the dude you run into is actually pretty shy.
xiv. however, i find it ironic that i spent all of day one quietly sitting next to the lovely natatlie
who, as it turns out, reads my blog. small world, eh? of course, she didn’t say anything until day two (class act, right?). we spent the first day like any other kids on the first day of school, making idle chit chat and nervous eye contact. but i’m totally glad she told me. it was great way to start what turn out to be a really hard day of class.
xv. i think that, while she doesn’t say it, stephanie doesn’t like to have her photo taken. i think this because almost every single photo i took of her is kinda terrible. she’s making a face in or blinking or possibly about to sneeze. somehow, i think this is done on purpose as a way of fucking with our heads. luckily, i snapped this one.
yeah she’s a little blurry in this photo, but at least she doesn’t look like she’s in the middle of a seizure.
xvi. day one of “knitting for speed and efficiency” with stephanie pearl-mcphee was all about learning a brief history of knitting, understanding the strengths and weaknesses of english and continental knitting, and learning ways to improve our own personal styles of knitting. the most interesting concept for me was the idea that we get too comfortable with our own styles, and try to apply them to every type of knitting when altering our personal style, or using another method might make it easier for a given project. according to stephanie, we as knitters seem to resist using all the tools at our disposal to make it easier on ourselves. for instance, if you’re an english knitter (like me) why wouldn’t you use continental knitting to knit miles of stockinette in the round when it is so clearly the superior technique for that particular project? or if you’re a continental knitter, and have a project with lots of texture and decorative purl stitches why wouldn’t you use the method best suited to purling (english knitting)? it’s a good point. why not expand our personal abilities to improve ourselves as knitters? unless of course excellence doesn’t matter to you.
day two was dedicated to learning “lever knitting” (sometimes called irish cottage knitting) which is the method used by the people who knitted for their livelihood. it also happens to be the style the harlot learned from her bitch of a grandmother. rather than go into a long description of the method, here’s a video. because we all have a certain amount of knitting knowledge burned into our minds, changing our techniques is kinda hard. everyone’s hands were freaking out, fingers moving of their own accord as if our brains no longer had anything to say about what they did. natalie’s pinky finger kept trying to get involved to the point where stephanie had to immobilize it
when stephanie asked how i was doing, i told her i sucked. the moment that followed involved a joke about my “sucking”. it must have pretty embarrassing since i can’t for the life of me remember the details (if you do, feel free to leave it in the comments. i’d like to remember that one) but whenever my face stopped being pink, i eventually got the hang of it.
even though i posted a link to the video, i wouldn’t recommend copying her technique from it; you really need to have it explained in person. it’s just too easy to think you’re doing it correctly when in fact you’re doing it very very wrong. i mean, we had an expert in the room, and each of us found a way to fuck it up to some degree. sometimes, you just need someone to hold your pinky.
this post began as an e-mail to stephanie pearl-mcphee.
like many of you, i stalk her blog and on twitter.
like many of you, i’ve even met her a few times.
but somehow, this time, i realized i was being . . . really fucking crazy,
and sending a relative stranger my knitting worries is, well, insane.
instead, i’m writing this blog post
and asking you even more strange readers
for your advice as knitters.
to those few who are close to me, poke no fun,
for i know where you sleep.
the other day,
against all my better judgement,
and with much anxiety in my soul,
i cast on a . . . . project.
this is an important project to me,
and like so many others, is meant as a gift and surprise.
the clincher is of course that this project is . . . well i can’t tell you.
let’s just call it an item, one that has to fit the intended person,
or else i will die inside.
as knitters, we all know that “surprise” and “a item that fits” is a scary combination of concepts. yet somehow, i found it impossible to resist the temptation. i deluded myself with phrases like,
“i’m a good knitter!”
“i’ve knit this item before!”
“the area this item needs to cover is similar in shape and size to that same area on myself so if it’s slightly snug on me, it’ll fit perfectly!”
i even stole a comparable item from the intended person’s repository of things which is really the only hope any knitter has of ever pulling something this off.
but while the gift giver in me says,
“work for the surprise! it’ll be so worth it.”
the knitter in me is saying, “suck it up!
take some good measurements,
and it’ll still be a surprise.
just a less dramatic, exciting, and fulfilling one.”
so i ask you,
what should i do?
i really am extremely confident that this item will fit.
but should i do the smart thing?
the right thing?
i’m generally a rule follower when it comes to knitting.
i knit my swatch, and check my gauge.
i wash my swatch, and recheck my gauge.
i always make sure my contrasting color is in my left had for colorwork.
i buy much more yarn than the pattern requires,
and always in the same dye lot.
can i risk it this once? hoping beyond sense that i have enough good karma to say that maybe, this once, EZ owes me one?
or continue my orthodox ways, recognizing the knitting goddess as the hateful bitch we all know her to be? (praise be to her)
please,
someone,
tell me what i want!
(and no. it’s not for you.)
absence makes the heart grow fonder
March 8, 2011
you may remember that,
a few months ago,
i test knit the
xeriscape.
my initial test knit used yarn that,
in my humble opinion, looked like shit.
i wasn’t at all happy with how it turned out.
so i begged tina to send me something prettier
and she came through hardcore.
i recently unearthed it from my f.o. bin,
and found it to be completely charming!
it’s been sent to my secret pal,
and she loves it.
sometimes you just need a little distance from a f.o.
am i just a creepo?
February 17, 2011
as a rule,
i don’t really believe in knitting prayer shawls.
i’m not sure why, exactly. perhaps it’s simply my inner cynic.
but, with all the many tragedies occurring in my periphery,
none has ever compelled me to knit a damn thing.
for me, knitting is about happiness,
the joy of beautiful yarn,
the mediation of repetitive motion,
the focus required to execute a high degree of difficulty.
simply put,
knitting is a selfish act.
at least for me.
and while i do give most of what i knit away to other people,
i’m only looking for that smile on their face.
it’s the best drug.
recently, though, i read a blog post that literally brought tears to my eyes. and, for whatever reason, i finally felt that need to comfort through knitting. three days later, a boneyard was born.
i decided to use the handspun tina gave me for my birthday.
she made me promise i wouldn’t treasure it;
i had to knit something with it.
this felt appropriate.
we all know that, with handspun, you have to be extremely careful.
if i ran out, i couldn’t just call tina and be like,
“whip up some more of this yarn please!
i’m making a shawl and need to bind off.”
believe me when i say i cut it close.
i was weighing that ball after repeat.
and following a sewn bind off that took me three hours to finish,
i had this much yarn left:
it’s roughly a yard and a half.
not bad, right?
the shawl went out in today’s mail,
and should arrive by saturday.
but now i’m all worried.
we’re not exactly real friends.
yes we tweet back and forth,
and occasionally comment on each other’s blog.
it’s . . . . a ravelry friendship i guess you’d say.
two people brought together in cyberspace because of our mutual love of all things knitterly.
but there’s a fine line between doing something touching, and plain old-fashioned stalking. and that line is always drawn by the other person.
is it weird to just send a knitter i’ve never met a prayer shawl?
am i just a creepo?
a pretty thing
February 14, 2011
hey.
over here.
i made a pretty thing.
just in case you wondered if i’m still into the whole knitting business.
(this knit is mo approved)
bomb
February 10, 2011
that’s what i was last thursday; the mothah fucking bomb.
ok maybe i’m being a little dramatic.
i did do an excellent job, though.
and i’m very proud of myself.
this is how things went down:
i drove through the mountains of pennsylvania,
passing through state college, and ending up in historic boalsburg, pa.
(don’t ask me where that is or anything about it. i have no. idea.)
i sat down to lunch with the lovely krystn madrine,
the knitter responsible for booking this gig,
and went over the evening’s progression.
i took some notes,
wrote down some names,
headed over to the venue,
and continued to silently shit my pants.
this left me with one hour to prep;
writing out how i wanted to open,
giving my first impression.
with ten minutes till doors,
i headed to my dressing room to change.
(i really wanted to bring a star to tape to the door)
i took a turn about the room, and was pretty surprised;
even though this was an event about knitting,
the organizers had invited a bunch of other guilds.
there were embroiderers,
bobbin lacers (any one got the noun for that one?),
spinners,
weavers,
sewers,
dyers,
shepherds,
raisers of alpaca,
and a yogi.
i was thoroughly impressed.
i found a seat and knitted a few rows before i had to get things going,
you know,
find my center,
open my chakras,
ohm shanti and all that.
and a girl from state college asked if she could interview me.
(she was writing a paper for her event planning class)
when she asked where i came from, it was her turn to shit her pants.
she couldn’t believe someone would drive all the was from pittsburgh
for a knitting event.
after blowing the mind of america’s youth,
it was time to get to work.
of course,
there was no microphone.
i had to use my big mouth to get people’s attention.
no problem.
based on the sign in sheet,
i was standing in front of just over a hundred people.
and now that i had their attention, i had to do something with it.
i’m looking at a couple hundred eyes, but i don’t care,
because i know exactly what i’m gonna do with the scene.
and of course everything happens, my god, the emotion comes up, i chase it away, i bring it back,
it’s rich,
it’s full,
it’s subtle.*
people laughed when i wanted them to,
paid attention when i wanted them to.
that room was mine!
for about five minutes.
then other people took over with the talking and such.
my job for the rest of the night was to be pleasant to the people who came up to talk to me, make the raffle interesting, and make sure people got the fuck out by nine.
i happily posed for the obligatory photos.
that’s kate, the guild president.
and krystn, the knotty girl who roped me into this.
but my favorite part of the night was meeting a reader.
this is tammy. she was a little disappointed that i didn’t wear my hotpants, especially since she spent a good chunk of her time at maryland standing in line at the fold staring at my ass.
sorry tammy. krystn wouldn’t let me wear them.
notice i’m clutching a skein of yarn in my hand in that photo?
tammy is spinning 52 skeins in 52 weeks.
i’m holding skein #4.
it’s beautiful.
i told her so.
and she gave it to me.
just fucking gave it to me!
can you believe that?!
i had an emotion.
(you can see it here)
overall, i had a blast.
everyone was really friendly, and cheerful.
totally worth driving across the commonwealth and back.
i didn’t even need a xanax.
*mad points for who ever knows where i stole this little bit of text from.
pass the xanax
February 2, 2011
so i probably should have blogged this earlier,
but i’ve landed my first ever knitting-related speaking thingy.
to be more precise,
i’m the mc for the centre county knitting guild’s “i heart knitting” event. 
i even made it in the local paper.
it’s free, and if i have any readers in the area,
stop by 113 east pine street, boalsburg, pa 16827
and say “hey bitch!”
this is a little surreal for me since, apparently, i’m their “star power”.
(their words. not mine. i don’t think of myself like that.)
i’ve also been told the people coming are a bit conservative,
and i should leave the hotpants at home.
this has made me even more nervous.
i mean, have they read my blog?
i’m kinda inappropriate.
i like to think i’m the kathy griffin of the knitting blogosphere,
telling it like it is, staying true to my inner extra vulgar knitter.
(and more recently, i’ve felt the need to channel johnny weir).
i fear i’m doomed to stand up at the podium or whatever,
and just blurt out something like “dicks taste yummy.”
luckily,
i was actually raised with superior manners.
you know, asking to be excused from the table,
and knowing which fork to use and when.
i tend to ignore that particular skill set,
but it’s time to dust if off i guess.
i will go.
i will be properly attired.
i will refrain from using words like “fuck” and “blowjob”.
everyone will have a lovely time, and leave thinking well of me.
i can do this.
(why the fuck did i quit smoking?!)
in sweater news. . . .
it is done. it is in the mail.
my model had a prior engagement,
so all you get are some tabletop shots;
while a bit stressful,
it was totally worth knitting.
and of course the yarn was a dream to work with.
the only alteration i made to the pattern was in the collar length.
it said to knit until the collar measured 7″, but after trying it on veronica,
that would have been crazy. the directions also read, “or desired depth” so i took a little license. the gauge was a little tricky too since it was given over a stretched rib. i mean, how far is one supposed to stretch it?
but using the recommended needle size,
it fit veronica (sample size),
if a little snugly.
i now await tina’s judgement.
just one more reason i feel like puking.
mmm. . .
February 1, 2011
buttons!
Bitches Get Stitches 