February 10, 2011

that’s what i was last thursday; the mothah fucking bomb.

ok maybe i’m being a little dramatic.
i did do an excellent job, though.
and i’m very proud of myself.

this is how things went down:
i drove through the mountains of pennsylvania,
passing through state college, and ending up in historic boalsburg, pa.
(don’t ask me where that is or anything about it. i have no. idea.)

i sat down to lunch with the lovely krystn madrine,
the knitter responsible for booking this gig,
and went over the evening’s progression.

i took some notes,
wrote down some names,
headed over to the venue,
and continued to silently shit my pants.
this left me with one hour to prep;
writing out how i wanted to open,
giving my first impression.

with ten minutes till doors,
i headed to my dressing room to change.
(i really wanted to bring a star to tape to the door)

i took a turn about the room, and was pretty surprised;
even though this was an event about knitting,
the organizers had invited a bunch of other guilds.

there were embroiderers,
bobbin lacers (any one got the noun for that one?),
raisers of alpaca,
and a yogi.

i was thoroughly impressed.

i found a seat and knitted a few rows before i had to get things going,
you know,
find my center,
open my chakras,
ohm shanti and all that.
and a girl from state college asked if she could interview me.
(she was writing a paper for her event planning class)
when she asked where i came from, it was her turn to shit her pants.
she couldn’t believe someone would drive all the was from pittsburgh
for a knitting event.

after blowing the mind of america’s youth,
it was time to get to work.

of course,
there was no microphone.
i had to use my big mouth to get people’s attention.
no problem.

based on the sign in sheet,
i was standing in front of just over a hundred people.
and now that i had their attention, i had to do something with it.
i’m looking at a couple hundred eyes, but i don’t care,
because i know exactly what i’m gonna do with the scene.
and of course everything happens, my god, the emotion comes up, i chase it away, i bring it back,
it’s rich,
it’s full,
it’s subtle.*

people laughed when i wanted them to,
paid attention when i wanted them to.
that room was mine!

for about five minutes.

then other people took over with the talking and such.
my job for the rest of the night was to be pleasant to the people who came up to talk to me, make the raffle interesting, and make sure people got the fuck out by nine.

i happily posed for the obligatory photos.
that’s kate, the guild president.
and krystn, the knotty girl who roped me into this.

but my favorite part of the night was meeting a reader.
this is tammy. she was a little disappointed that i didn’t wear my hotpants, especially since she spent a good chunk of her time at maryland standing in line at the fold staring at my ass.

sorry tammy. krystn wouldn’t let me wear them.

notice i’m clutching a skein of yarn in my hand in that photo?
tammy is spinning 52 skeins in 52 weeks.
i’m holding skein #4.
it’s beautiful.
i told her so.
and she gave it to me.
just fucking gave it to me!
can you believe that?!

i had an emotion.
(you can see it here)

overall, i had a blast.
everyone was really friendly, and cheerful.
totally worth driving across the commonwealth and back.

i didn’t even need a xanax.

*mad points for who ever knows where i stole this little bit of text from.

9 Responses to “bomb”

  1. Sally at Rivendale Farms Says:

    The L Word!

    Dude, you suit up so bitchin’ nice! I was a little afraid to read the post since I didn’t know if you thought you bombed or if you were da bomb. Very glad it was the latter. Had no worries about the knitters, but you gotta watch out for those yogis.

    Love the dressing room.

  2. Anita Says:

    Lenore Pieszeck, The L Word.

    De-lurking to say you make me laugh out loud, and spew coffee, at my desk, which usually turns some raised eyebrows…..bunch o’ fuddy duds.

  3. Kimberly Says:

    I’d of been star struck by you too 🙂

    Looks like you had a great time and if someone asked me to do such a thing, I would DEFFINATELY drive all that way too just to attend, why not?

    btw; you look awesme in a suit xx

  4. Janice Says:

    First, dude, you ARE “america’s youth”. Second, you look quite lovely in your dress up clothes — however, I do believe the hotpants would have been stunning with the jacket & tie. And, third, congratulations — best part was hearing that you had a blast.

  5. Maja Says:

    Yeah for you! This reader is very proud although I do say you look a bit like Men In Black off to save us from alien yarn and knitting issues in that sharp suite!

  6. Krystn Madrine Says:

    You did rock the house down…everyone loved you, and you did a great job of dealing with a room of over 100 women, and three other men. not everyone could, you know…only someone with your style sense, grace and aplomb could handle such a group. i hope this was the beginning of a great number of knitting event that you will stand up in front of!

    tammy and i are coming over on saturday, hope to see you at the shop! will you be there….?

  7. Tammy/ceph Says:

    You were fabulous last week, and I must say that giving you a skein of my yarn was the highlight of my evening;) You embody everything that is right and good about today’s knitters- mad skills, a delightfully foul mouth and the ability to not take yourself too seriously!

  8. 2muchfun Says:

    I can’t even begin to imagine the nerves you had to deal with. But it was obvious that you would have that house in the palm of your hand. How could you not? Your posts are always da bomb. I can’t wait until you come north for a visit.

  9. Austin Val Says:

    You clean up real nice, as we say here in Texas. Glad you were able to freak out a young person.

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