but i do believe in bending the shit out of them.
so even though i haven’t cast off two WIP’s yet,
i have started something new:

(pattern – naalepuder, yarn – mochi plus in autumn rainbow colorway)

now let me clarify for all you non-knitters out there.
the rule i had made for myself was that i wouldn’t cast on a new project until i had cast off two in order to get through my backlog.
this little pincushion is crocheted.
you don’t cast on crocheted items.
i have honored the letter of my rule and evicerated its spirit.
(insert devious laugh of your choice)

gotta love a loophole.

i am still working on my girasole,
but i’m finally at the edging.

aint she perty?

so i hope you’ll still find it gripping.

last night i went out and did young people things.
it’s been a while since i’ve had the inclination, energy, or time to go dancing.

but last night was special.
last night, i had the opportunity to see an icon of the queer world.
last night, amanda lepore came to pittsburgh.

since it’d been a while since i’d been to a club, i felt a bit overstimulated

but i’m a pro, and i shook my ass like one.

there were some seriously fabulous people there

(i love this queen!)

but no one could have ever topped amanda herself

(these have to be some of the best shots of my career)

i kinda wish i’d paid the $200 to get into the v.i.p. room to meet her.
i mean, did i really need to eat this week?

while many of you were probably more excited about my harlot encounter, seeing an icon in person is one of those once in a lifetime things. i know i’ll never forget that night.

how could i?

she did look a little cold though.
maybe i should have knit her something.

anyone got an aspirin?

March 22, 2010

i’ve found a problem with my new rule:
it doesn’t make for riveting blogging.
i’ll continue stitching along on my girasole,
and hope something amusing or interesting will happen.

i have sixteen rows to go before the edging
which, as you know, will then take forever to finish
i have given myself a semi-solid deadline for completion of this epic blanket, but after the socks and sweater, i don’t know if i have it in me.

also, my shoulder hurts. i can’t really afford the injury right now but i’m working through it sans pain killer. i’m manly like that.

how did i hurt myself?
let’s just say it involves three hours of sleep and a gymnastic demonstration. that’s all i’m willing to say about it.

in a last ditch effort to provide some kind of entertainment value to this post, here’s another picture of mo:

he’s quite the sentinel, guarding us from such dangers as rustling leaves and any overly ambitious window treatments.

next time on bitches get stitches: a mini rant on jared flood’s pattern the girasole a.k.a. me whining.

so i’ve come to realize that i’m not a typical knitter.
why i thought knitting should be any different from the rest of my existence i don’t know.

first of all, i’m not much of a stasher. don’t have the space, money, or inclination really. (ok i totally have the inclination, it’s more about the space and money)

i also seem to be a bit more adventurous in choosing projects with a higher level of difficulty for someone who hasn’t been knitting for two years yet.

and, while i pay lip service to non-monogamous knitting, it’s starting to take a bit of a toll. the toll being i really want to start new things but i feel a bit guilty about it when i have projects sitting around that i’d love to see finished.

so i’ve decided to get down to business and initiate a new rule:
before i can cast on a new project, i must cast off two.

i figure this is more realistic than saying i can’t start something new until i finish all the projects i have on needles but i’ll be working my way through everything. i mean, let’s be real, i’m still a bit of a knitting slut. i’m gonna see a pretty face and cast him on.

first up: my girasole

mr. mo is on board and promises to keep me on task.

like most of my knitting, this is a gift.
but i’m not saying for which bitch!

i’m one lucky bitch

March 16, 2010

while taking a nap this afternoon, i got a couple text messages letting me know that the yarn harlot blogged about me and my socks!:

“And there was Steven,
who not only knit his first socks, but knit them for me, which was pretty outstandingly touching. (I’ve had a good look at them too… they’re perfect. They look nothing like first socks. Darned good knitting, even though he had to put a rush on them and finished them right there.)”

i know they’re not perfect, but i’m loving the idea the sock knitter herself gave my socks a proverbial gold star.

in the very same post you should also note ms. juliet (the fine lady who knitted the carrot).
or as i know her, my first fan.

waiting in in the morning rain for the library to open, she asked me if i was steven. i figured since i was back in michigan that maybe i was a school mate of one of her children or maybe she was a former teacher i just didn’t recognize.

no my friends, she recognized me from my blog. (how cool is that?!)
believe me when i say that was the best way to start one of my favorite days.
she even asked me to put some of my mojo on her carrot.
thanks juliet!

unrelated to my harlot encounter, i’m currently watching the original halloween by john carpenter. in one brief shot, you see that laurie (jamie lee curtis) has a knitting bag! how cool is that! i guess her long aluminum needles and blue acrylic yarn are supposed to add to her 70’s girl scout persona.

all i could think was she should use them to defend herself later on in the movie!

warning. if the notion of a knitting celebrity is lost on you, this post might not make a whole lot of sense. just sayin’

i always feel like i need a vacation after my vacations; when i leave my “real” life behind, i invariably try to pack in as many activities as humanly possible leaving me completely drained when i get home.

which isn’t to say that my spring break wasn’t completely worth it.
i’m only saying i am bushed, bitches.

i’ll skip the details of my family fun time. this is supposed to be a blog about knitting right? suffice it to say there were a lot of movies, excessive ingestion, a piercing replacement, and one wicked game of canasta where i, of course, kicked ass.

the subplot of my week was the knitting of my first socks which would then be given to ms. stephanie pearl-mcphee (a.k.a. the yarn harlot). let me tell you, coming off my knitting olympics “win”, choosing to embark on yet another project with a radical deadline only added to my current state of exhaustion. luckily, the knitting olympics taught me the most important lessons of deadline knitting:

one. knit everywhere.

i knit in the car.
i knit in the movies.
i knit over dinner.
i knit in front of the television.

this may seem like an obvious lesson, but how many of you actually practice it? imagine how much we would finish if we knit everything as if we were on deadline!

i do warn you that knitting everywhere, while very productive, can irritate the non-knitters around you. i suffered a frown every now and then when my knitting was deemed de trop.

two. if you finish, it will always be a close call.

for instance:

here’s the (second) sock waiting with me in the friendship auditorium of the detroit public library roughly two hours before the event was scheduled to begin

i definitely wasn’t the only one stitching in the auditorium:

and look! the quasi-mythical spindle spinner:

you don’t often see them outside the yarn store. i was so happy capture an image of one in the wild.

after a couple hours of just sitting there knitting, borrowing strangers’ measuring tapes, and a phone call for a last minute kitchner stitch refresher, i finished my second sock!

two minutes later, out came the yarn harlot!
now, everyone i know who’s met her says how nice and down to earth stephanie is, but that’s not how she came off to me, or at least that isn’t what stood out most.

if someone asked me, i would say the yarn harlot is one sassy bitch!

and i love her even more because of it!

i was enthralled by every syllable of her talk; it was the perfect fusion of comedy and insight couched in personal experience. (i delighted in her anecdote of spilling coffee all the time since i had spilled my mocha a few hours earlier on my knitting olympics sweater)

she read from her forthcoming book (which she had never done before ironically enough) on knitting and self esteem. when she finished, i had a tear in my eye. i was truly moved and i cannot wait to buy it.
(and no it’s not available for pre-order on amazon. believe me i checked)

after the talk, i waited in line to get a book signed, and, most importantly, deliver my socks.
i kept rehearsing what i thought i should say so i would come off as witty and poised, like in this photo:

a photo worthy of the hipster olympics for sure.

when i got to the front of the line, and she KNEW MY NAME, any possibility of coming off as cool went out the window. she graciously accepted my socks, and posed for the obligatory fan photo with me and the socks

(note the stark difference between the “posed hipster olympics face” and the “totally geeked out to meet stephanie pearl-mcphee and she’s holding my socks face”)

the best moment of the day: addressing her assistant she said, “he seems nice.”


so that’s my story, bitches.
i don’t know if our paths will cross again, but here’s hoping

every once in a while, we all need to get away.
and let me tell you, bitches, i needed to get away.
this time, i decided to head to the source of love in my life
my childhood homestead
my family
the magical mitten
the great state of michigan.
great lakes, great times isn’t just a corny motto; it’s a fact bitches.

as fate would have it, the stars have converged and a special event has coincided with my visit.
canada’s own yarn harlot is coming to the detroit public library


now, i have never made my love for stephanie pearl-mcphee a secret. i make no apologies for my superfan status. i know that plenty of you share my . . . i don’t want to say obsession but . . . you know what i’m saying
(anna, before you say anything, i have two words for you. jared. flood.)

however, people may not know about my love for the d.
for you non-michiganders, that’s detroit.
i’m a 5th generation detroiter . . .sorta. i was born there, but like most white people, my family eventually left the city. (don’t blame me! it’s history bitches. i wasn’t even born yet)

so the chance to see my knitting idle in the city i love in one of the most beautiful buildings in detroit . . .
it just seems like one of those fated moments when you realize that all the choices of your life have lead to this moment

ok. i know i’m being a bit melodramatic.
again, no apologies.

so, inspired by the spirit of the yarn harlot herself, i decided to make a traveling sock. here’s the sock meeting my homestead

isn’t it cute? (yarn: tosh sock, colorway: terrarium, pattern: stephanie pearl-mcphee’s a good plain sock)

this will be my first pair.
i have made a sock in the past. one. singular.
why will i finish this pair?
what’s different this time?
this pair, my bitches, will be a gift for ms. stephanie pearl-mcphee.
(cool it, anna.)

so for all of you people who get that, sometimes, our inner fan makes us crazy, wish me luck.
i’m gonna need it.

what i did immediately after i finished my knitting olympics sweater . . .
or what i would look like wearing a plastic sequined tiara . . .

then you might want to go here

*sigh* i have no pride.