drinking in airports
February 17, 2012
today’s the day, bitches.
my mini sojourn to stockholm.
it’s already been an exciting trip
and i haven’t even boarded a plane yet.
here’s the jist:
there’s the washing/drying of clothes right up until i left my apartment – this included laying a sweater to dry in front of an air vent and turning up the heat/closing the door to my bathroom so my dress clothes had a chance in hell of drying as they hung on my shower curtain rod.
i oversleep – i’ve only had 12 hours total this whole week so that’s not really surprising.
i pack everything, shower, and get in the car and on the road in 40 minutes. not bad if i do say so myself.
i find my way to the airport with limited problems, other than listening to howard stern’s “mammary lane” where they replayed an show in which a dude ate his booger to get his band’s cd played. i was dry heaving like you wouldn’t believe listening to that. veronica, you know what that sounds like.
i arrive with plenty of time at the airport. no traffic.
i see sam bernstein. if you’re a michigander who lives anywhere near detroit you know how cool and dated that reference is.
the kiosk says there’s a problem with my ticket. wait in line for 25 minutes to find out the problem is i’m not flying delta but united. i am in the wrong terminal. this is not the first time i have mixed up the two airlines. i have no idea why.
i wait in the cold for 15 minutes for the shuttle to arrive to take me to the proper terminal. i now have 1 hour to get on my plane. i may have shat myself a little.
i arrive at the proper terminal – there is no one here. except of course the group of elderly slavic men whose papers aren’t in order so we all have to wait as they try to figure it out. (i bet they were in the wrong terminal).
i race through the airport, sweating in my new extra warm coat purchased (on sale bitches!) especially for this trip to scandanavia.
i arrive at my gate.
my flight is delayed for two hours.
i soak up some internet, eat some salmon, drink some sam adams.
it’s 9:20 in the am.
Bitches Get Stitches 
February 17, 2012 at 10:45 am
I have definitely put a space heater in my bathroom to make my clothes dry faster.
February 17, 2012 at 1:00 pm
Sounds like you are off on a grand adventure! Have a wonderful time. (I’ve put wet clothes in ziplocks and then in my suitcase!)~H
February 17, 2012 at 1:10 pm
YIKES! I got a little stressed just reading your stage 1 travel complications. But now you’re on your way and it’s going to be AMAZING! I hope it’s perfect 🙂 And, although you probably don’t have this problem because you seem extremely well adjusted, if any grad student guilt tries to creep in, STOMP it!
February 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Say hey hey to all the cute tattooed Swedish guys for me. When i went I only made it to Gotland and all anybody could tell me was how much cooler/badass Stockholm was.
February 17, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Have a fabulous trip! I bet you were never so happy as when you found out there was a delay and could settle into some food and drink. Say hi to Alexander Skarsgard for me.
February 17, 2012 at 5:31 pm
The Bernstein advantage!!!
February 17, 2012 at 7:45 pm
I can’t help it. You are so completely hilarious. Knitting content is nice but certainly not necessary to a good blog. Love you, Steven. I am so happy that you are traveling to Sweden. Cool. I hope you meet a wonderful Swedish man and launch into the love affair of your life. The Swedish man would be the luckiest nam alive.
NancyP
February 17, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Two questions:
1. Where the hell in DTW can you get salmon?
2. Did Sam have all his cross-eyed children there with him?
🙂 Have an awesome trip!
February 17, 2012 at 10:13 pm
The only way to fly is to have a beer or other drink upon arrival at the airport. Then another after checking in, but before going through security. Then another on the way to the gate. Yet another upon arriving at the gate to find there either a) a toddler having a total meltdown or b) some idiot bellowing into a cell phone about his/her sex life/pot roast recipe/medical conditions/in-laws/schemes to screw over the boss. And at least one more drink if the flight is delayed.
And with the cattle-car or slave-ship conditions found on many flights these days, I’ll often order two drinks every time the drinks cart comes around.
Between the TSA and the current state of air travel, I think the distilleries and breweries must be raking in insane amounts of money!
Anyway, hope you enjoy your travels through the land of Volvo and IKEA. May you find tons of irresistible yarn at incredibly low prices AND a real, all-male version of the “Swedish Bikini Team” of some very old beer commercials. . .!
February 18, 2012 at 12:10 am
have been peeking at this blog lately and loving it. This post is the best. I love the metro Detroit Bernstein reference and the DTW experience. have a great trip!
February 19, 2012 at 11:10 am
Ha ha ha. Oh god, GOOD LUCK. Sounds like a great start. And beer before flying is always a good idea, regardless of the time.
Why are you going to Sweden?!?!? I’ll read through your other posts, but man, I’m jealous. If you see Robyn tell her that I love her and get her autograph for me. THANKS.