never go to whole foods angry
August 18, 2010
because if you do,
you will end up with a full bag that in no way adds up to a meal.
all the worker bees who look like 70’s gay porn stars,
riot grrl wannabes, or ysolda teague on meth,
will make you feel bad about yourself.
you will return to the produce section at least two times,
only to emerge with a sad shallot from some mexican hothouse.
you will leave with at least three fall fashion magazines
filled with beautiful things you’ll never fit into much less afford,
and you will feel bad about yourself.
you will try to walk away from the grumpy cashier
without paying for your groceries,
and then say something dumb like,
“it’s just been one of those days!”
and feel worse about yourself.
when you finally get home, crack your last red stripe, and prepare to treat yourself to that cup of shrimp bisque you just couldn’t pass up,
you will notice that you grabbed the whole wheat baguette.
you detest whole wheat baguettes.
the only recourse is to drink that beer real fast,
hug on your french bulldog,
and remember;
never go to whole foods angry.
in knitting news,
the northern summer shawl continues.
the designer, jo kelly, has been furiously charting the pattern.
and apparently triple checking all the stitch counts.
she was good enough to email me the changes
without me even asking.
that is a designer!
i also have a f.o.
my second juneberry triangle.
it’s been done for a while,
but there were blocking issues.
(humidity’s a bitch, no?)
i’ve sent it off to its recipient, but i won’t say who.
they may read the blog, and i want this to be a surprise.
any guesses?
i’m also hoping for another another installment of project ten by the end of the month. fingers crossed that the mitten lady will write back soon.
side of swatch
August 16, 2010
this month,
i’m working a bit more than usual.
if i’m honest, it’s a lot more than usual.
in addition, i haven’t been sleeping very well.
the combination finally hit me last night; i felt unbelievably tired and ill.
i crashed.
hard.
and slept for roughly 13 hours.
the upside to this?
i woke up super early,
have time to eat my fave breakfast in town,
and write a little post to you all.
first order of business,
on the northern summer shawl front,
the downside to being one of the first people to knit something?
you’re gonna end up being a second round test knitter.
there’s been some serious stress over stitch counts,
and i’ve sent two e-mails now about errata.
the designer has been very kind,
assures me she’s working on it.
i still want to cry a bit.
in a good way.
i swear.
i say,
if you want to knit this too,
(and you should. it’s gorgeous.),
wait a couple weeks till it’s been debugged
and charted.
dear god give me a chart!
my breakfast has literally just arrived,
so the second and last order of business shall be this sneak peak:
my rhinebeck swatch.
isn’t it gorgeous?! i’ve fallen pretty hard for it.
which pretty much ensures it’s gonna break my heart, right?
sur la table
August 13, 2010
even though i’ve decided to take this year
to live a life of fiber frivolity,
my real life,
“the plan”
looms like an ever present miasma.
so veronica and i got a new table/work station for our nook.
as you can see,
my priorities are still skewed.
but that laptop right there is all business.
i promise.
kelli (of the infamous stóra dímun),
has requested another shawl of me.
per usual, she offered to pay for the yarn.
and anyone who wants to keep me in tosh sock, i’m knitting for.
she wanted a haruni,
but everyone and there mother is making one.
if fact, i think kelli is knitting one for her mother right now.
i said i’d make a shawl, but i wanted one a little more challenging,
and a little less commonplace.
i chose the norther summer shawl by jo kelly.
it alternates stockinette with knitted lace (patterning on both sides)
i’m in love.
it just came out this month and, so far,
there’s only the designer’s finished project on ravelry.
can’t get much newer than that.
i’m racing through it now,
hoping to be the first person to post one to ravelry.
i’ll let you know how it goes!
and now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for,
the winner of the shaelyn shawl.
let me just say,
this was the hardest contest ever.
i never expected a blog contest to get me all misty.
there are so many deserving people.
how could i choose?
the answer is a couldn’t
so in honor of friday the 13th,
i took the top thirteen comments,
and drew cards, one for each card in a suit.
congratulation to sheri and her friend pat.
yours was the queen of diamonds.
to everyone else,
i hope that, at the very least,
the contest made you think about the people in your life.
even if you don’t knit for them, i think you’d agree,
we need to take care of the people around us.
and we could all use a little extra love thrown our way.
speaking of which,
veronica would like to thank all the people for their compliments on the photo shoot and for voting for her to win the shawl.
i however must ask you stop.
i fear she might start charging me.
seriously guys,
tone it down.
on the road
August 11, 2010
i’ve taken a little day trip.
and i’m writing to you from michigan.
i love coming home,
especially since it’s a rare thing lately.
last night i remembered how clear the night sky can be,
and saw a shooting star before the fog rolled in.
i slept in my childhood bed, listening to nothing but the sound of mo breathing and occasional breeze.
thank god i’m a country boy.
my mom and i are now heading west
to the city of my alma mater
and favorite yarn store.
because really,
the only thing more important than family
is getting the yarn for my rhinebeck sweater.
i’ll have more on that later but right now,
i want to talk more about where i’m writing from.
folks,
i’m writing from the future!
let me explain.
we’re literally driving to east lansing right now.
my mother recently purchased a new car, and let me tell you,
it’s a robot.
as i type this,
she’s talking to my father
whose voice is coming through the speakers,
my computer is plugged into an outlet in the back,
and with the aid of a little internet stick from verizon,
i’m surfing the web faster than i ever could at home.
i don’t think i have ever been happier than i am right now;
someone else driving me around
with the internet.
i think i may have found enlightenment.
expect details on this trip tomorrow but right now,
let me say one quick thing about the contest:
i thought having you help me would make this easier.
it hasn’t.
i never expected so many sad stories in the comments,
and i have no idea how i’m going to choose.
but by friday, there’ll be a winner.
i’ll figure something out.
until then,
keep the comments coming.
why make things easier now?
bon anniversaire!
August 9, 2010
well folks, today is the one year anniversary of bitches get stitches!
i started it a year ago for some reason i suppose,
but i’m finding it hard to remember why.
if i go back to that first post, i wrote,
“here I am world, Steven A.
why am I here? besides the fact that all the cool kids are doing it? I needed a place to talk shop.
knitting that is.”
simple enough.
it’s harder to articulate why i keep going exactly.
i guess, on the most basic level,
i write because there are people who read;
there are people out there who actually care what i think,
(at least when it comes to stitch manipulation)
and like the part of me i’m putting out for the world to see.
it’s great to feel like i’m actually a part of the conversation,
and not just some crazy person talking about yarn.
there’s also the fact that,
no matter what,
this is my space.
a place where i can be sassy and irreverent as i want.
i get to go there,
be the mayor of there,
and no one gets to tell me to shut the fuck up.
or at least if they do,
i don’t have to listen to them.
in any case this year has been great,
and i can’t wait to see what happens next.
of course, i couldn’t have an anniversary post without a f.o.
so i busted my buns,
tracked down more beads,
and finished my shaelyn shawl.
(veronica was kind enough to model for me)
(you really should check out the rest of the photo shoot. it’s gorgeous!)
i used madelinetosh pashmina in the “copper penney” colorway leftover from the juneberry i knit for stephanie. i added size 6 miyuki beads, color 135 (root beer). 648 freakin’ beads.
i knit this with no one specifically in mind;
i just wanted to use up some beautiful yarn,
and try my hand at some beaded knitting.
really,
it would have made a great gift for so many people in my circle of friends,
but it really didn’t seem to fit anyone.
so i guess it’s that time again,
time foooooooor. . .
the third bitches get stitches giveaway!!
the rules:
this one’s going to be a little different guys.
i want this shawl to embody the essence of giving.
so,
just leave a comment to enter,
but not for yourself.
instead explain who you think i should send it to and why.
it can be for your sister’s birthday,
or your coworker just because she’s fabulous.
maybe you think i should send it to meg swansen,
just for shits and giggles.
in any case,
the best person/reason wins.
the decision is completely arbitrary;
it’ll just be whichever comment i like best.
so help me out people,
and make some one else’s day!
thanks for a great first year bitches!
lucky duck
August 2, 2010
so life is feeling pretty normal lately.
work is busy,
knitting is going well,
mo and i are happily reconnected.
it’s business as usual here at bitches get stitches.
this of course makes me very nervous.
i feel like,
based on my life experience,
i am better equipped to deal with extremes.
give me a crisis, and i will handle the shit out of it.
or else, drop an unexpected happy event into my lap,
and i shall bask in the glory of good fortune.
these are the instances i know about.
this is when i shine.
this hum drum, calm plodding along. . .
i don’t know what to do with that.
but i think the winds of change are starting to blow,
and some of that irish luck burried in my dna is kicking in.
first,
it looks like,
by some miracle,
i’ll be going to rhinebeck.
the plan is to cultivate something called self restraint,
by which i mean,
i plan to test out a bunch of spinning wheels,
and maybe take a class.
that is all.
no bags of yarn.
no needles i don’t need.
no spending money i don’t have.
coming home with a fleece is just not an option.
(stop laughing!)
the second part of the plan is to knit the obligatory rhinbeck sweater.
i have chosen the beautiful riddari to keep me warm.
which brings me to my second piece of evidence of my “irish luck”:
i was having trouble getting my hands on the pattern for riddari.
then all of a sudden, in less than a 24 hour period,
it turned out my friend david has a copy,
and is knitting his rhinebeck sweater from the same book,
(creepy right? not the same sweater though. we wont be twinsies)
i found a random company online that had a copy and bought it,
and some kind knitter sent me a pdf of the pattern from her book.
pretty lucky right?
third,
a very special skein of yarn came into my life.
socks that rock lightweight, firecracker colorway.
my friend lisa is in the rockin’ sock club
and this was this month’s skein.
she has this new yarn policy
not to purchase/keep yarn she doesn’t love.
i said i loved it.
she said she didn’t.
the skein is now mine.
the beautiful colors and slight scent of vinegar brought back all the memories of yarnie happiness i had last month, visiting blue moon (where tina asked if i was in sock club, and i felt a little shame when i said no) and at the knot hysteria retreat. reading the dyer’s notes reminded me how similar it seemed tina and my sense of humor was, and how great it was to be in the presence of someone who i could tell is doing something important.
it reminded me of these photos tina sent me:
i don’t even know who took these,
but thanks to a skein of yarn,
i’ll never lose this moment.
i really am a very lucky person.
i have family and friends who love me.
i get to knit for fun for hours at a time.
i live with a roomie who makes me laugh every day.
best of all, i can have no shame, and somehow pull it off!
and even though i have some really heavy shit going on in the background (who doesn’t really?) i have the support and capacity to cope with it, and allow seriously joyful moments into my life.
so i’ll deal with hum drum,
and even welcome it.
especially since i have a lead,
a lead,
on beads.
the luck continues. . .
i have a need*
July 29, 2010
and it’s still for beads.
however, the need has changed
in that it has become more literal.
you see, i did another repeat on the shawl,
and these are all the beads i have left.
i have a couple more repeats to go,
and then a lace edging.
the bead store i go to has none,
and can’t get any until next month!
does anyone have roughly 324 miyuki seed beads?
size 6/0
color 135
I NEED BEADS!
and now, to counteract my craziness, a baby alpaca.
say hello to sally’s new baby jezebel.
i love that all the aunties came to see the new baby.
hopefully there’ll be a little baby boy alpaca next year . . .
. . . named steven.
seriously though,
send me beads.
i have a need
July 28, 2010
a need
for beads.
for the blog
July 27, 2010
in the back of mind, there is a voice.
it is the voice of the blog.
at any given moment,
it will speak up and say,
“maybe you should blog that.”
“have you written anything today?”
“that’s interesting, but is it blogworthy?”
today, while i was trying to block out the sound of the howler monkeys children “playing” next door, the voice in my head screamed,
“you have to tell them about the hole!”
i contemplated the irony that the voice in my head might have gone off the deep end when i figured out it was talking about yesterday’s incident with the stóra dímun.
as promised,
i wielded my tapestry needle like a pro,
and handed it to my friend yvonne to fix
while i went into the fetal position.
she unleashed her kung fu on its ass,
and it came out beautifully.
today,
the plan was to take an artistic bush photo.
by which i mean,
i would put the stóra dímun in the front hedge,
and take it’s picture, you know, to make it interesting.
the neighbor demons children made that idea impossible.
then i thought,
i’ll throw it on veronica!
that’ll make it interesting.
i tried to put it on her on her way out the door,
and she threw me the look.
the look that says,
“i tolerate this whole knitting obsession of yours because i love you, but if you put that shawl on me and take my picture, i’ll eviscerate you in your sleep.”
sometimes, it’s about not pushing the boundaries of friendship for the sake of the blog. (this lesson in cohabitation brought to you by bitches get stitches) so what does one do when one can’t use nature or feminine beauty to make your knitting look interesting?
shamelessly pimp out your dog, that’s what.
vengeance and a glass of port
July 26, 2010
last night, or early this morning rather,
i conquered the stóra dímun.
it began with 449 stitches,
and now, this bitch is finished!
and huge.
(the picture should give you an idea of scale here)
some notes on the stóra dímun:
it isn’t for the faint of heart.
while technically easy,
you’re gonna need a shit ton of stamina to finish it.
i probably whined more working on this shawl than on anything else i have knit thus far. endless garter stitch isn’t happy mindless knitting,
it’s chinese water torture.
but now that it’s done,
it’s like a ringing in my ear has stopped,
and i can finally appreciate its beauty.
there are only two little things that i’m concerned with.
issue the first: i cast on too tightly
and it’s making it difficult for me to get it to block in the exact position i’d like.
issue the second: i noticed a hole where i didn’t intend.
no, not an extra yarn over.
take a closer look.
yes, it’s what you think.
you’re eyes aren’t lying.
the yarn has indeed snapped,
and my stitches are moving toward oblivion.
not only am i devastated that, in it’s final hour,
stóra dímun has taken one last poisonous stab at my knitterly heart;
i’m truly sad because this shawl is a gift.
and before i even give the bugger away,
it has something truly wrong with it.
you can’t call a repair a design feature.
it’s a hole, a weak spot, a scar,
a mistake!
it doesn’t help that i noticed it after i began blocking it.
all that tugging couldn’t have been good for the hole.
it’s currently 10:45 am est.
i’m just gonna sit here for now,
watching the shawl dry,
sipping on my big glass of port.
and in a while,
i’ll unleash some tapestry needle kung fu on this shawl’s ass,
and put the final nail in its coffin.
you will be a f.o. stóra dímun.
just after i get my refill.
Bitches Get Stitches 