big trouble in little china
December 27, 2011
that’s what’s playing on my tv right now.
(gotta love netflix for providing those ’80s classics)
so the other day, i knit a hat.
(it’s a present so i can’t show you)
when i looked at the little leftover ball,
i got the idea that, perhaps,
i could eek out another one.
nothing fancy, mind.
just a simple sailory skull cap.
“what the hell,” thought i,
“let’s give it whirl.”
but as i started my decreases tonight,
it didn’t look like i was going to make it;
the ball, well, it just looked too small.
(that’s what she said)
now, something weird happens when you think you’re going to run out of yarn. you start knitting more quickly, as if you can outrun the yarn or something. at least, that’s how it works with me.
as i got closer and closer and the stitches fewer and fewer,
it became pretty clear that this was a no go,
and i’d wasted all this time knitting.
frankly, the thought pissed me off.
if i’d done all this knitting
and couldn’t finish? well,
it just pissed me off!
i mean, i’ve been doing this for a while now.
i should’ve just gotten new ball.
i felt like such a chump.
but of course,
i didn’t stop knitting.
i refused to believe that i was wrong.
my will is powerful, and i would not be denied!
plus i kinda have this sick curiosity;
i just needed to know how close i was.
well, i’ll show you.
wait.
what’s that?
let’s take a closer look
oh why that would be a finished hat, bitches.
with just enough yarn to close up the top.
so suck it, knitting gods!
i owned your asses tonight!
of course, now i can’t find my chibis,
but i know they’re around here somewhere.
yarn: cascade 220. pattern: my own hat know-how
Bitches Get Stitches 
December 27, 2011 at 10:21 am
LOL Good for you! You kick that yarn’s ass!
December 27, 2011 at 10:30 am
Love it! You rocked it and conquered that little ball of yarn — love when that happens. 😀
December 27, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Love it! LOL’d and had to read it out loud to hubby.
December 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm
It’s true. I do knit faster when I am running out of yarn. I’m glad you made it. And with less than a yard to go.
December 27, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Like Audry, I knit faster when coming to the end of a ball or skein, trying to eke out that last full row. I remember reading somewhere that The Yarn Harlot has the same problem. . . .
Now for the big question: Who does the hat fit? You or Mo?
December 27, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Not that it’s a competition or anything but I totes beat you. My most recent yarn tail was three inches. Towards the end I knit like the wind and actually rose out of my seat. When I cast off the last stitch I threw the work down and declared victory. Talk about intensity.
December 27, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Way to kick that yarn’s ass! Unfortunately the score here is Yarn: 2, Nicole: 0. After seven years, you’d think I’d have this shit down. I guess the experience just comes into figuring out how to fudge it!
December 28, 2011 at 12:59 am
Yoda says “be smarter than the yarn.. bitches” and clearly you were.. nicely done…. I had to rip back on a little beanie hat for my grandbaby this weekend.. (sigh). Turns out her little head is a wee bigger than I thought…. when done, the hat will look like a goldfish… stunning for a 15 month old, don’t ya’ think?
December 28, 2011 at 8:59 pm
I know what you mean about knitting faster. I don’t understand how that works! How does that work. And since the ass is kicked, does that mean that knitting faster is the key?
(cool hat)