d-day
May 1, 2011
right before i went into the hospital,
everything was all set for my summer romp in new york;
i was ready to apartment hunt, and add my body to hordes.
then i got sick.
then there were surgeries.
then i almost died a couple of times.
and the proverbial wrench was thrown into the works.
my internship in new york didn’t disappear.
i just had to wait till my picc line was pulled,
and the doctors said they were done with me.
as of yesterday,
they’re done with me.
now it was up to me to decide if i’m well enough,
strong enough, to take on the big apple.
no pressure or anything.
the truth is,
i am still healing.
i’m weak, and even with big time drugs,
i’m in a lot of pain.
since the day i got out,
the question has been,
how badly do i want this?
is my desire for a summer of fun greater than my need to heal?
finding the answer has been all i could think about for weeks.
and as if my family hasn’t been through enough,
my father flipped his suv friday night and is in the hospital.
(note: whoever decided that waiting all night to notify my mother that my father was in the hospital so she had to wait up for hours wondering where her husband was, fuck you. you should be fired.)
he’s fine,
or as fine as possible.
the pressure has been unbearable.
finally, i just had to ask myself, what do you want?
and the answer came right out of my mouth.
so listen up, bitches.
i have made my decision.
i’m giving up my internship.
shocking i know.
i simply don’t have it in me right now.
i just need to have a relaxing summer.
i want to spend time with my family,
with the people i love.
i need to heal.
soon enough, i’ll be thrown back to the wolves,
to ruthless maw of michigan state’s english department.
don’t get me wrong, i’m totally stoked that i’m going there.
getting my phd has been a goal i’ve worked toward for years now,
and there’s no better place to do the work i want to do than at msu.
but taking this summer means i can really prepare,
that i can take my time to get ready for the next five years of my life.
i always knew i might have to choose between the two opportunities,
that they would end up conflicting with each other.
in any event,
this is what i want,
which i suppose is all the reason i need.
now all i need to figure out is
where the hell i’m going to live this summer.
in other news, i fully recognize that there is only so much life drama you dear readers are willing to put up with before you get bored.
fiber is your drug of choice.
tomorrow there will be a post.
and i promise, it is completely
and totally knitting related.
cross my heart.
winner winner chicken dinner
April 29, 2011
when i decided to give away my handspun,
i never said exactly when i would pick a winner.
somehow, today feels like the right day.
let’s all bow down to the power of the random number generator,
and give our congratulations to lucky number 20 (a.k.a. sarah)
who has won this yarn for her sister amy.
can’t wait to see what she knits with it!
and she better knit something.
or else.
yarny goodness
April 25, 2011
as promised,
i’m gonna get this blog back on track,
and give everyone some yarny goodness to peep.
though i don’t have a wheel of my own,
when i was working at natural stitches,
i could use a shop wheel.
in between helping the fine customers,
i worked on my first ever 3-ply yarn.
once i got all the singles spun,
i plied like the wind!
of course yarn isn’t done once it’s plied.
there’s always something more to do, right?
like the brutal weaving in of the ends after endless knitting.
personally, i follow judith mackenzie’s directions for finishing yarn from her amazing book the intentional spinner: a holistic approach to making yarn (every knitter should own it. even if you don’t spin, it’ll change how you knit. go on. buy it.)
first, you count your strands to calculate yardage.
doesn’t do us much good if we don’t know how much yarn we’ve spun, right?
then we “full” it a little by swishing it in hot soapy water.
(in the book, judith is shown using a small plunger and is really going at it. this scares me. i choose to “sauté” my yarn.
then we rinse/swish it in cold clean water.
(remember to scoot your roommate’s papers out of the way, and put down a towel. never incur the roomie wrath during finals)
then i squeeze out the excess water in my own way.
i start at the top, and sort of pinch and roll with my hand.
it’s kinda like milking a cow (look it up).
then the fun part: the thwacking!
i beat the shit out of my yarn against the side of the tub.
(if only you knew how hard it was to get this shot)
after it hangs up for a while to dry,
poof!
yarn is born. (these were the first two skeins)
if i’ve done my math right,
i’ve got roughly 466 yds of a dk/worsted yarn.
not too shabby if i do say so myself.
and just to spice things up,
how about i give the yarn away?
here’s the rules; it’s a little complicated.
if you want the yarn,
you must get one of your knitter friends to leave a comment for you.
then, i’ll pick someone at random (it’s only fair).
are we clear?
you can’t comment for yourself.
your friend must comment for you.
just promise me, please,
if you win, you’ll actually make something with it!
who wants it!?
freedom
April 22, 2011
well bitches,
i’ve pulled through.
i’m recovering happily at home.
the meds i’m on make it a little difficult to focus,
but here’s what i’ll say:
whatever you feel about healthcare,
who gets it, how it’s paid for, and how we deal with it here,
all i know is that the healthcare system did not fail me.
without it, i would be dead now.
there are several instances where i came close to it.
don’t get me wrong,
it was fucking hell (evidence below).
and it still is since i’m exactly done with everything.
there were times where i felt ignored, forgotten,
like no one would listen to me.
but!
i’m here.
and grateful.
like i said,
the drugs are making it difficult to do normal things.
recovering makes it difficult to do normal things.
but in the next couple days,
i have some yarny goodness planned for you.
stick with me bitches.
mostly, though, i want to say thank you.
thank you to all the readers, inter-knitters, and friends
for your good thoughts, your well wishes, comments and prayers,
for all the tweets, texts, visits, and vibes from across the globe.
it was a dark time for me,
you all helped keep me strong.
so thanks, bitches.
i’m still here!
hospital
April 13, 2011
i begin this post with a caveat; i’m in the hospital, on narcotics, and writing from my ipod. editors of the world cool it, k?
dear blogosphere. i have not forsaken you intentionally. at first, super secret knitting and subsequent lack of anything resembling knitting mojo kept me from writing. then it was the sheer gravity of the changes my life was soon to face. i found everything to be a bit much, and the writing stopped.
for instance:
i surprised everyone by leaving natural stitches a month early. i’d saved enough to pay my bills and thought the time off would be good for me, give me extra time to hunt for an apt in nyc, and hang with the people i love in the burgh.
and that’s when i realized that i accidentally started settling down here. pittsburgh was always supposed to be a stepping stone in my life plans. somehow, after years of being a nomad, my desire to heed the north wind was greatly diminished. i no longer wanted to leave, and had made absolutely no way for me to continue living here.
i have an internship in new york, and position in the phd program i most wanted in my home state waiting for me in the fall.
and yet, i want to stay.
there are people i love here, people i don’t want to lose. people i want to continue knitting with, laughing over tacos or pho or brunch. gossiping, hugging, fucking.
you know. a happy life.
but love won’t pay my bills, nor secure for me a future i’ve been building towards for years. that’s on me.
not making a viable option for staying in pittsburgh is the first real regret i can point to in my life. i guess that’s not too bad for twenty six years.
then things happened that were totally blogable and slipped through:
my final package from my secret pal, a kick ass canadian with excellent taste in yarn (angora merino bitches!) and wool wash (eucylan is all i use). and my first two skeins of my first three ply yarn.
totally noteworthy.
posts only ever written in my head.
just when the super secret knitting was getting close to being finished (about a week early even) so i didn’t feel bad about skipping a night of knitting to hit up my friend’s birthday party, my stomach hurt.
laying down seemed like the best course of action. then everything’s a blur:
calling home crying.
googling an emergency room.
trying to find it (thank you iphone).
scans.
pokes.
serious drugs.
your appendix maybe?
crazytown.
that bitch and I divorced ten years ago.
discharged.
drove home on crazy drugs with rx for more, and instructions for what to do if things got worse/better.
nap time.
more pain.
frantic calls to get a ride back to er.
er now full of people clearly not in an emergency situation, but get treated before me anyway.
more scans with dye in me.
dye makes me feel like i’m on fire/wetting the bed.
more crazy crazy drugs.
it is my appendix.
again.
huh.
apparently, it can happen.
i can never be normal.
almost a week later, after too many strangers have seen my cock, ass, and jiggly bits, after getting excited about farting, and taking the messiest shit known to man (and not being able to clean up unaided), after projectile vomiting sticky green goo all over myself not once, but twice, the long and the short of it is, something is keeping my pipes from fully getting started up again. this means more surgery to cut at scar tissue, and maybe remove some bits i rather wish i could keep.
this is serious. if the surgery doesn’t go well, and i don’t get flowing fast enough this time, it could be months of recovery.
no one prepares you for when the scary shit is gonna mess with *you* this time. luckily, i haven’t been alone in all this or god knows I wouldn’t have made it this far. i got two loving parents, a soul twin, a mixologist/driver, my mother/sister/aunt, two of the best men i’ve ever met to make me laugh and help me walk, and tweeters from far and wide to comfort my weary soul. not too shabby in terms of visitors and well wishers.
plus the person in the next room sounds way worse off than i am.
it’s the little things.
all work and no play
March 27, 2011
hey there bitches!
how’re things with you?
good?
good.
how am i doing?
well i’m feeling a little . . . odd tonight.
i think it’s this house sitting gig i’ve got.
all this alone time in a big old house,
no one to talk to but some cats,
and the tivo,
my god! the tivo!
i think it’s making me a little stir crazy.
i feel the cabin fever descending.
since all i’m working on is some super secret knitting,
i have nothing at all fibery to share with you all tonight.
but i still feel the need to keep you entertained.
let’s go to the bathroom shall we?
a photo shoot in the shower is just the ticket.
let’s have some fun with facial hair!
beard
chops
goatee
handlebar
porno stash
i can’t show the last pic.
a naked-face pic is just going to far,
even for me.
i’m a lady.
more roman numerals
March 24, 2011
so in my frenzy to make my life into a list,
i forgot a couple of things that i wanted to write.
that and day two of my class should be enough for a post, right?
so let the randomness continue!
x. on friday, when i was still pretty bummed out, kristen, a.k.a. @carcosa, tweeted at me: My #FF crown this week is awarded too… @Faiche_Stiabhna for his unique combination of humor, fiber knowlege, and fierce glasses. that totally made my day. (are my glasses really fierce?)
xi. i apparently inspired one of my most loyal commenters and internet friends, miss sally of rivendale farms. or maybe more accurately, this photo of mo did. 
after seeing it, she went on a cowl binge. she wrote about it here.
xii. another besty from the internet, kim, is a nice person. she wants to help the people in japan. she asked me to spread the word, so do me a favor, and click here to read her post. go ahead. do the right thing. i dare you.
xiii. in my last post, i mentioned that i felt that, when you meet a knitting celebrity, maybe you should keep your cool and not act like you’re old friends reunited. this is how i try to operate. (don’t ask me about my success rate). PrincessFee left me the following comment:
You don’t know me, but I do feel as though I know you. Thank you for your humour, wit, & frankness. If we ever get to meet, I will act as though I don’t know you.
first of all, that is sweet. second, i’m so far from being a knitting celebrity that the sentiment is almost laughable. third, if you do read this blog with any kind of regularity, i imagine you’ve a certain amount of shamelessness in you. i would never expect you to show such restraint if you see me out in the real world. just don’t be disappointed if the dude you run into is actually pretty shy.
xiv. however, i find it ironic that i spent all of day one quietly sitting next to the lovely natatlie
who, as it turns out, reads my blog. small world, eh? of course, she didn’t say anything until day two (class act, right?). we spent the first day like any other kids on the first day of school, making idle chit chat and nervous eye contact. but i’m totally glad she told me. it was great way to start what turn out to be a really hard day of class.
xv. i think that, while she doesn’t say it, stephanie doesn’t like to have her photo taken. i think this because almost every single photo i took of her is kinda terrible. she’s making a face in or blinking or possibly about to sneeze. somehow, i think this is done on purpose as a way of fucking with our heads. luckily, i snapped this one.
yeah she’s a little blurry in this photo, but at least she doesn’t look like she’s in the middle of a seizure.
xvi. day one of “knitting for speed and efficiency” with stephanie pearl-mcphee was all about learning a brief history of knitting, understanding the strengths and weaknesses of english and continental knitting, and learning ways to improve our own personal styles of knitting. the most interesting concept for me was the idea that we get too comfortable with our own styles, and try to apply them to every type of knitting when altering our personal style, or using another method might make it easier for a given project. according to stephanie, we as knitters seem to resist using all the tools at our disposal to make it easier on ourselves. for instance, if you’re an english knitter (like me) why wouldn’t you use continental knitting to knit miles of stockinette in the round when it is so clearly the superior technique for that particular project? or if you’re a continental knitter, and have a project with lots of texture and decorative purl stitches why wouldn’t you use the method best suited to purling (english knitting)? it’s a good point. why not expand our personal abilities to improve ourselves as knitters? unless of course excellence doesn’t matter to you.
day two was dedicated to learning “lever knitting” (sometimes called irish cottage knitting) which is the method used by the people who knitted for their livelihood. it also happens to be the style the harlot learned from her bitch of a grandmother. rather than go into a long description of the method, here’s a video. because we all have a certain amount of knitting knowledge burned into our minds, changing our techniques is kinda hard. everyone’s hands were freaking out, fingers moving of their own accord as if our brains no longer had anything to say about what they did. natalie’s pinky finger kept trying to get involved to the point where stephanie had to immobilize it
when stephanie asked how i was doing, i told her i sucked. the moment that followed involved a joke about my “sucking”. it must have pretty embarrassing since i can’t for the life of me remember the details (if you do, feel free to leave it in the comments. i’d like to remember that one) but whenever my face stopped being pink, i eventually got the hang of it.
even though i posted a link to the video, i wouldn’t recommend copying her technique from it; you really need to have it explained in person. it’s just too easy to think you’re doing it correctly when in fact you’re doing it very very wrong. i mean, we had an expert in the room, and each of us found a way to fuck it up to some degree. sometimes, you just need someone to hold your pinky.
i had an emotion
March 20, 2011
we’ve a lot of ground to cover,
and not a lot of time in which to do it.
i. i’ve had a really rough couple days. very personal life stuff that’s not appropriate to go into. i will, however, give you an idea of the “level” of roughness i’m talking about. i warn you now this is most likely an overshare; i’ve probably consumed that same amount of calories in the past 72 hours that i usually do in 24. i have no urge to knit. i have the sex drive of a 95 year old man. (told ya. overshare). and, after a very long time not smoking, i smoked three cigarettes at my parents’ house. sometimes, emotions suck.
ii. i am much better know, and want absolutely no comments about item i. on this blog, i am god. i will delete all comments on item i.
iii. today was day one of “knitting for speed and efficiency” with stephanie pearl-mcphee. setting aside my feelings for her as a fan, i have to say she’s pretty fucking sweet in the classroom. it’s a totally pressure free environment, and she has this was of blowing your mind with the simplest statement. she’s also really patient when you get frustrated (which we all are at one point or another). her knitting proficiency and comedic timing may be the qualities that she’s known for, but it’s those moments of kindness with a discouraged student that i’ll hang on to.
iv. that was sappy, and i don’t care. item v. will be sappy too.
v. i met someone cool in class today. she’s one of those people who you meet, and you can immediately sense that they’re special. i can count on one hand the times that’s happened to me. i know of her from the blogosphere, and you probably do too. it’s weird how, because you’ve read about someone on the internet, you think you know them; it’s like that false sense of intimacy you can have with a character in a novel. we get excited to see fiber celebrities, and feel the need to accost them, introducing ourselves like some friend we haven’t seen in a while. people seem to forget that, while you know details about their life, they know nothing about you.
so, when i meet a fiber-famous person in an intimate setting like a class or a retreat, i try (keyword) to just behave as i do when i meet any new person, basing our interaction whatever happens organically instead of the facts i know about them from online. i also try to let them make the first move. luckily, i am inherently shy so that part is easy. i talk a lot of trash, but it takes a lot to overcome my inner awkward and talk to new people. (evidence: i sat alone at lunch. there were open chairs with knitters at the restaurant, but i didn’t have the courage to invite myself). of course at a fiber festival, or if i’ve been drinking at all, this method goes right out the fucking window. today, though, i was fairly well behaved.
luckily for me, i picked a seat at the right table in the classroom, and denny introduced herself right away. it’s hard to put into words what she’s actually like. she has mad energy about her, she radiates it. she’s obviously mischievous, but in a completely unmalicious was. she is quick to smile and as soon as she does, you want to smile too.
it was exactly the type of energy i needed after no sleep, an hour and a half drive, and only the bad coffee shitty bagel combo to fuel me.
vii. in the interest of full disclosure, i must admit that i saw denny before class at the coffee shop across the street 
and i totally kinneared her. i have no shame.
viii. thanks to everyone who commented in support of keeping my super secret project super secret. i love you guys.
ix. i have to be up in less that five hours. perhaps it’s time to post this bitch and hit the hay.
this post began as an e-mail to stephanie pearl-mcphee.
like many of you, i stalk her blog and on twitter.
like many of you, i’ve even met her a few times.
but somehow, this time, i realized i was being . . . really fucking crazy,
and sending a relative stranger my knitting worries is, well, insane.
instead, i’m writing this blog post
and asking you even more strange readers
for your advice as knitters.
to those few who are close to me, poke no fun,
for i know where you sleep.
the other day,
against all my better judgement,
and with much anxiety in my soul,
i cast on a . . . . project.
this is an important project to me,
and like so many others, is meant as a gift and surprise.
the clincher is of course that this project is . . . well i can’t tell you.
let’s just call it an item, one that has to fit the intended person,
or else i will die inside.
as knitters, we all know that “surprise” and “a item that fits” is a scary combination of concepts. yet somehow, i found it impossible to resist the temptation. i deluded myself with phrases like,
“i’m a good knitter!”
“i’ve knit this item before!”
“the area this item needs to cover is similar in shape and size to that same area on myself so if it’s slightly snug on me, it’ll fit perfectly!”
i even stole a comparable item from the intended person’s repository of things which is really the only hope any knitter has of ever pulling something this off.
but while the gift giver in me says,
“work for the surprise! it’ll be so worth it.”
the knitter in me is saying, “suck it up!
take some good measurements,
and it’ll still be a surprise.
just a less dramatic, exciting, and fulfilling one.”
so i ask you,
what should i do?
i really am extremely confident that this item will fit.
but should i do the smart thing?
the right thing?
i’m generally a rule follower when it comes to knitting.
i knit my swatch, and check my gauge.
i wash my swatch, and recheck my gauge.
i always make sure my contrasting color is in my left had for colorwork.
i buy much more yarn than the pattern requires,
and always in the same dye lot.
can i risk it this once? hoping beyond sense that i have enough good karma to say that maybe, this once, EZ owes me one?
or continue my orthodox ways, recognizing the knitting goddess as the hateful bitch we all know her to be? (praise be to her)
please,
someone,
tell me what i want!
(and no. it’s not for you.)
absence makes the heart grow fonder
March 8, 2011
you may remember that,
a few months ago,
i test knit the
xeriscape.
my initial test knit used yarn that,
in my humble opinion, looked like shit.
i wasn’t at all happy with how it turned out.
so i begged tina to send me something prettier
and she came through hardcore.
i recently unearthed it from my f.o. bin,
and found it to be completely charming!
it’s been sent to my secret pal,
and she loves it.
sometimes you just need a little distance from a f.o.
Bitches Get Stitches 