Bitches Get Stitches

warning. if the notion of a knitting celebrity is lost on you, this post might not make a whole lot of sense. just sayin’

i always feel like i need a vacation after my vacations; when i leave my “real” life behind, i invariably try to pack in as many activities as humanly possible leaving me completely drained when i get home.

which isn’t to say that my spring break wasn’t completely worth it.
i’m only saying i am bushed, bitches.

i’ll skip the details of my family fun time. this is supposed to be a blog about knitting right? suffice it to say there were a lot of movies, excessive ingestion, a piercing replacement, and one wicked game of canasta where i, of course, kicked ass.

the subplot of my week was the knitting of my first socks which would then be given to ms. stephanie pearl-mcphee (a.k.a. the yarn harlot). let me tell you, coming off my knitting olympics “win”, choosing to embark on yet another project with a radical deadline only added to my current state of exhaustion. luckily, the knitting olympics taught me the most important lessons of deadline knitting:

one. knit everywhere.

i knit in the car.
i knit in the movies.
i knit over dinner.
i knit in front of the television.

this may seem like an obvious lesson, but how many of you actually practice it? imagine how much we would finish if we knit everything as if we were on deadline!

i do warn you that knitting everywhere, while very productive, can irritate the non-knitters around you. i suffered a frown every now and then when my knitting was deemed de trop.

two. if you finish, it will always be a close call.

for instance:

here’s the (second) sock waiting with me in the friendship auditorium of the detroit public library roughly two hours before the event was scheduled to begin

i definitely wasn’t the only one stitching in the auditorium:

and look! the quasi-mythical spindle spinner:

you don’t often see them outside the yarn store. i was so happy capture an image of one in the wild.

after a couple hours of just sitting there knitting, borrowing strangers’ measuring tapes, and a phone call for a last minute kitchner stitch refresher, i finished my second sock!

two minutes later, out came the yarn harlot!
now, everyone i know who’s met her says how nice and down to earth stephanie is, but that’s not how she came off to me, or at least that isn’t what stood out most.

if someone asked me, i would say the yarn harlot is one sassy bitch!

and i love her even more because of it!

i was enthralled by every syllable of her talk; it was the perfect fusion of comedy and insight couched in personal experience. (i delighted in her anecdote of spilling coffee all the time since i had spilled my mocha a few hours earlier on my knitting olympics sweater)

she read from her forthcoming book (which she had never done before ironically enough) on knitting and self esteem. when she finished, i had a tear in my eye. i was truly moved and i cannot wait to buy it.
(and no it’s not available for pre-order on amazon. believe me i checked)

after the talk, i waited in line to get a book signed, and, most importantly, deliver my socks.
i kept rehearsing what i thought i should say so i would come off as witty and poised, like in this photo:

a photo worthy of the hipster olympics for sure.

when i got to the front of the line, and she KNEW MY NAME, any possibility of coming off as cool went out the window. she graciously accepted my socks, and posed for the obligatory fan photo with me and the socks

(note the stark difference between the “posed hipster olympics face” and the “totally geeked out to meet stephanie pearl-mcphee and she’s holding my socks face”)

the best moment of the day: addressing her assistant she said, “he seems nice.”

*faint*

so that’s my story, bitches.
i don’t know if our paths will cross again, but here’s hoping

so i’m sitting here waiting to cast on for the official 2010 knitting olympics

i know there are thousands more of you waiting too

i had originally hoped to cast on a bohus stickning Green Mist hat (Gröna Dimman mössa) but due to many acts of god and pittsburgh being bad at dealing with snow (biggest understatement of the century) it has yet to arrive.

instead am casting on jared flood’s huron (rav link) which may actually be less realistic than the bohus hat.

i’ve trained for this day

(note the washed gauge swatch)

and i’ve been drafted by my nation to be a member of the of the semi-official, self proclaimed natural stitches team

as i sit here dying to cast on yet another project, i just want to take this opportunity to thank the yarn harlot for not only holding these knitting olympics, but for being an inspiration to knitters across the globe.

it moves me to think that, because of her, i know there are tons of crazies out there casting on with me, all knitting toward the same goal.

a gold medal with a naked man on it.

so as i sit here, at the ready, i answer the call and recite The Knitting Olympics Athletes Pledge

I, a knitter of able hands and quick wits, to hereby swear that over the course of these Olympics I will uphold the highest standard of knitterly excellence.

I will be deft of hand and sure of pattern, I will overcome troubles of yarn overs and misplaced decreases. I will use the gifts of intelligence and persistence (as well as caffeine and chocolate) and I will execute my art to the highest form, carrying with me the hope for excellence known to every knitter.

I strive to win. To do my best, and to approach the needles with my own best effort in mind, without comparing myself to my fellow knitters, for they have challenges unique to them.

While I engage in this pursuit of excellence and my own personal, individual best, I also swear that I will continue to engage with my family in conversation, care for my pets, speak kindly with those who would ask me to do something other than knit, and above all, above every stitch thrown or picked, above every cable, every heel stitch, every change of colour, I swear this:

That I will remember that this is not the real Olympics, that I’m supposed to be having fun and that my happiness and self-worth ride not on my success….
but on my trying.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN BITCHES!