i may have a stroke.
October 7, 2010
or at the very least a nosebleed.
today was a terrible day, blog readers.
most of it isn’t really worth writing about,
but there is a knitting related disaster that is.
the rhinebeck sweater may not happen.
where to begin.
the pattern i chose doesn’t go up to my size.
and i was getting a tighter gauge in the yarn i wanted.
this means, much math was needed to make the sweater fit.
i’m a good knitter. i can do math.
hell, i completed calc 4 in undergrad with a 3.5!
i swatched.
i washed my swatch.
i did the math.
i did it again.
i did it again!
and completed two beautiful sleeves
whose gauge matched my swatch.
i measured my body.
i measured again.
i had my coworkers measure me.
i cast on the number of stitches that would fit me
and the pattern repeat for the colorwork yoke.
all was well.
today, after traversing the knitting black hole for two weeks,
the body of my sweater is finally long enough to join the arms
and enter icelandic colorwork yoketown.
i’ve been measuring for days,
but today i noticed something.
the body seemed a little big.
i am not skinny by any stretch
but still. it seemed pretty big.
so i decided to put half my stitches on another needle and try it on.
well as soon as i did that,
it looked really big.
i asked yvonne to come back with me in the office,
told the thursday night knitters not to steal anything,
and tried it on.
it’s huge.
very huge.
i asked yvonne to check my gauge to see if i’ve been hallucinating this whole time.
i wasn’t.
i was being lazy.
there is a good reason patterns list gauge over 4 inches/10cm
i was only checking over 1 inch.
so while i was getting 5 stitches/inch (perfect swatch gauge)
yvonne was getting 18.75-19 stitches/4 inches.
these gauges do not match.
this is a huge difference when we are talking about a sweater.
the short of it is, instead of the 1 inch of ease i was going for,
i have 6. 6 inches of ease.
it is a tent.
i want to die.
i know i know, you think it can’t be that bad.
let me give you a visual:
i told you.
huge.
now, i’m not looking for sympathy.
i’m looking for advice on how to proceed.
this is my first trip to rhinebeck
so the sweater was/is really important to me.
but i have a week and need to be realistic.
so i’m asking the knitting blogosphere for advice.
what should i do?
1 – rip it! you can knit this in a week!
2 – steek it. cut the fat and pick up for the yoke.
3 – fuck it! wear the hotpants.
4 – drink until you don’t care and pick up a man.
5 – other
please people.
i need advice.
stat!
Bitches Get Stitches 
October 7, 2010 at 11:37 pm
Steek it. It’s fast, it’s relatively easy and you can do it!
October 7, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Steeking’s looking like a good option. I’ve only done it once and it gave me palpitations, but unless you can do absolutely nothing but knit for the next week, the steek may be it. I’d go for the hotpants, but it’s October and I don’t think you have them in fall colors.
October 7, 2010 at 11:59 pm
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Steven A. and Steven A., Steven A.. Steven A. said: i may have a stroke.: http://wp.me/pBtuq-re […]
October 8, 2010 at 12:02 am
My first instinct was to rip it and reknit it…it sounds like something crazy I would attempt to accomplish in such a short amount of time. But on second thought…STEEK IT!
October 8, 2010 at 12:20 am
Very difficult decision, so many great choices! I can’t believe I’m actually gonna say this, you should steek it. It’s the right thing to do.
October 8, 2010 at 12:50 am
Another vote for steek. Option one is just insanity, considering what you have done already.
October 8, 2010 at 1:01 am
I’d just eat a lot of burgers and pizza and grilled cheeses and doughnuts and ho-hos and milkshakes and anything with butter until I fit into it. I know that’s not one of your listed options but I feel like you’re ignoring a marvellous opportunity here Steven.
October 8, 2010 at 2:44 am
Knit it big and wear it off the shoulder ! (with the hotpants)
October 8, 2010 at 6:43 am
Steek Steven Steek!!!
October 8, 2010 at 6:55 am
Drink.
October 8, 2010 at 7:04 am
I’d vote for 2 or 3. Although, if you go with 3, you may want your jeggings under them. Just don’t wear them to school. You might get sent home. ;-P
October 8, 2010 at 7:05 am
I say steek it and then drink. It may be too chilly for hotpants.
October 8, 2010 at 7:52 am
Wish I had a great answer for you, but I don’t. What I can give you is sympathy and understanding. The SAME THING happened to me last night! I finished my sweater yesterday (I wanted to have it ready for a trunk show this weekend, it’s a new design), and decided to block it out. Oh my word- how much did that Merino/Cashmere/Nylon sweater grow! It went from being a little snug (but good for when I’m not prego…ha), to being gigantic. I started having that same dreaded thought, “if my sweather doesn’t look good why would I even go to Rhinebeck?”
I decided to wait until morning to see how it would dry. Still huge- I went bold…I just threw it in the dryer for about 4 minutes, totally did the trick and tightened the sucker up.
In your case, I think God is telling you it’s time to learn steeking (assuming you haven’t done it, it scares the heck out of me)!
October 8, 2010 at 8:07 am
3!
No, really, I’d go for the steeking.
October 8, 2010 at 8:26 am
Steek, baby, steek! You really wanted a cardigan anyway, right? 😉
October 8, 2010 at 8:28 am
Steek it. Besides, at 64 degrees and rain predicted, the hot pants won’t do you justice.
October 8, 2010 at 8:55 am
Dude! You totally didn’t need this! I’m going to go with the steeking option as well. I have nothing but faith in your bravery and ability, so…cut that bitch!
Then I think you should opt for the drinking, the hottest of pants and the man option, in whatever order you see fit.
October 8, 2010 at 9:26 am
Steeking isn’t too scary. I think you could get away with it. Maybe it’s supposed to be a cardi and you’re just now learning that? add a zipper and make it a nice hoodie? Just a thought…. Always interesting when projects decided to do their own thing
October 8, 2010 at 9:46 am
Steeks. Then drinks.
October 8, 2010 at 9:54 am
Well, I’m going to go with pour yourself a drink and pick up a man. But this is Rhinebeck we’re talking about, so if you’re going to pick a dude up you need a sweater. So I say steek that bitch. Steek it up.
October 8, 2010 at 10:28 am
First I would cry, then drink a lot. Maybe a mix of options 3 and 4? But you really want to wear it so I would say steek that bitch.
October 8, 2010 at 10:43 am
I like Deborah and shelley’s answers best. but really I would steek. you can do it!
October 8, 2010 at 10:56 am
Steek it, steek it good.
October 8, 2010 at 11:15 am
I’ve done the steeking thing to solve this very problem– you wince over the lost yardage you have to cut out, but you get over it. Just make sure, and I mean absolutely sure, you recalculate where the sleeves will go and mark them with you-can’t-ignore-me markers. Also, make sure you recalculate the central placement of the yoke colourwork and the decreases for the yoke. When I did this, I forgot to do the last of these, and ended up frogging and re-doing the decreases after I had finished the sweater once. Picking out the bind off sucked.
October 8, 2010 at 12:57 pm
My initial instinct is to say 3 (I vote for anything with the word f*$k in it). But really, I’d probably do #1 (and get no sleep for a week). Sorry!
October 8, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Oh, my. So sorry, man. 😦 I say steek it all the way. I’ve never tried myself, but it’s probably the way to go. I’m sure you can do it, just take your time. If you’re not comfortable with that, you could always reknit, as the part you’d redo would be a) simple and fast and b) smaller than last time. And by the time you get to the yoke and it’s crunch time, it’ll just zoom…you’ll be so excited for Rhinebeck and it’s the fun part. You know how colorwork always feels like it’s flying. (Or is it just me?) Anyway, my choices are steek and as a second, reknit that puppy. Show it who’s boss!!
October 8, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Two things:
1) I don’t have a thoughtful opinion on this. But I’d go for the one that endorses donuts… mmmm…. Donuts…
2) Um… Steven? Regarding #3- (“fuck it…”) I’m concerned with your use of ‘where’ v. ‘wear.’ Thoughts on this?
I love you anyway. 🙂
October 8, 2010 at 7:40 pm
Steek, baby, STEEK!!!!!!!!
You won’t regret it!.
October 8, 2010 at 7:47 pm
I highly recommend a four finger glass of Jameson while steeking….helps take the edge off. And if you wear the hot pants while doing all of this you have yourself an entertaining weekend.
(Sorry, long time blog stalker first time poster…hi!)
October 8, 2010 at 10:14 pm
As a person who was there right after Steven tried it on, I saw the devastation. We said that night, steek it. I still say steek it.
October 9, 2010 at 10:31 am
oh my god! i’m so sorry. i’m gonna go with a “pick two” and say (3) and (4). then rip it and start again. it will go way faster this time!
October 12, 2010 at 11:10 am
I say 3 AND 4!
October 12, 2010 at 5:50 pm
[…] of course i turned to you in my time of crisis. almost every one of you told me to steek the sweater since it was clearly the fastest solution to […]
October 20, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Hey, Steven… I read your blog now and again and think it’s great! I am just not very good at keeping up on blogs. However,I am Melynda’s sister and had to come see her picture. Then I kept reading posts and I had to see what happened with the Rinebeck sweater, btw, the finished project was great. My suggestion would have been to buy a fat suit. Then the sweater would fit and the hotpants would have attracted even more attention. Good thing my advice is a little late, huh? Cheers!