it’s been a day

May 14, 2010

this post was supposed to go out yesterday.
but my family lives in the land of dial up.
things take time here.

it’s been day.

or two really.

i wasn’t sure if this was the proper place to write about it,
or if it’s even appropriate to share this kind of thing with the world.
but life isn’t just amusing anecdotes and knitterly antics.

my grandma is ill.
her body and mind have mostly given up the fight, and my mom is her last line of defense. she went into the hospital two weeks ago and it became clear that, while she may get well enough to the leave the hospital, she’d never be able to go home again. my mom found a great nursing home (if that isn’t a contradiction in terms. she assured me that is passed my requirement that it didn’t smell like death) where people seem to care and can handle residents with dementia. only a couple of days after she was settled into her new home, a fever spiked, and i got an early morning wake up call from home.

switched shifts.

cap and gown unclaimed.

diploma in the mail.

5 highways and i’m back in the great lakes state.

there were many hugs exchanged back at the homestead, reunited with parents and pup under midnight clouds. but a good night sleep in my childhood bed did little to prepare me to see my grandma this morning.

i came with the sole intention of supporting my mom; i wasn’t thinking about how i’d react. i definitely ate my tears to make it through the day.

the change from the last time i saw her is stark.
it’s hard to see in this frail, confused woman the grandma who played “farm stand” and “kick the sponge” with me when i was a toe-headed boy.

she may have forgotten,

but i haven’t.

and i’ll gladly remind her of what day it is, what time it is, where she put her purse, and any other question whose answer she’ll forget the moment i give it.

it’s the least i owe the woman.

while all this is going on, i get some crazy awesome news:
i got into the yarn harlot/knot hysteria’s silk retreat

(stolen from the harlot's blog)

i received the email confirmation yesterday,
and a call from stephanie pearl-mcphee today to go over the details.
(i promptly saved the number in my cell and did a gleeful jig)

i absolutely cannot afford to go to this retreat.
(and will unashamedly accept any donations you’re willing to give)
but why have I worked for ten years to build an excellent credit score if i can’t throw caution to the wind and melt my visa card every once in a while?

i don’t think it’s healthy having this level of emotional stimulation coming from two very different places.

or fair for that matter.

all I can do is form a plan of attack;
a strategy for coping so to speak.
so far, the list includes an obscene amount of diet coke, thai food, spindling, and casting on with impunity.

i cast on this sock:

and this february lady sweater without a second thought.

i’ve got a long weekend in front of me.
i’ll see you in pittsburgh on monday.

8 Responses to “it’s been a day”

  1. Aimee Says:

    This is TOTALLY the place to write about this. You are so much more than just a knitter and people should know that as well.

    Have fun with the Harlot!

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Steven A.. Steven A. said: it's been a day: […]

  3. Sally at Rivendale Farms Says:

    Definitely the place to write about it and we’re with you. I’ve been through it with my own grandma and now starting with my mom. You’re exactly right, you just repeat whatever needs repeating, every time it needs repeating. No skin off my nose and yes, it’s the very least we owe these amazing women.

    And, side note, totally green with envy on the Harlot Silk trip. You deserve to have an amazing time and I can’t think of a better way to spend it!

  4. Martha Says:

    Call me if you need anything.
    Remember to take care of _yourself_ as well as your Grandma and Mom.

  5. Deborah Rose Says:

    I love you. I love everything you have to say – you could talk about dust-bunnies or your toe-nail clippings on this blog and I’d still tune in every day!

  6. Nancy Says:

    3am in the ‘Burgh, reading about musk ox in the arctic tundra, memories of ice and the sound of birds flying guiding a migrating people, memories of your grandma knitting themselves into your heart, the sound of my Swedish mor mor’s voice, the sweater she knit me in junior high…We are connected by these threads; we wrap ourselves in their love. It is always the right thing to do, and you have the heart to tell it. You are a writer!

  7. babelbabe Says:

    she sounds like a great woman, and she clearly did a very nice job raising your mom who in turn did an excellent job raising you to be a kind, compassionate grandson. Hang in there – it’s not easy but you won’t be sorry. Am thinking of your grandma, and you.

    also, yes, that is why we build up good credit. so enjoy your time with the Harlot!

  8. […] do not go gentle in regards to my recent post about my grandma, i just want to say thank you to all the people who were so supportive in their comments both on […]

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