i used to be catholic

October 17, 2016

or so i tell myself.
it’s one of those things that sticks
like honey, even after you’ve sucked it
off your fingers. it’s still
there.

i’m catholic in that
i know when someone misquotes the bible
(or uses the wrong bible to quote)
or doesn’t know when something’s
a metaphor.

i’m catholic in that
i won’t go to mass anymore
not because i don’t believe (which i don’t)
but because they changed
the words.

“and also with your spirit”
is such bullshit.

i digress.

as i get older,
catholicism (what a horrid-sounding word)
reemerges, like a memory
you’ve forgotten until
you smell it.

today, it was forgiveness.
to forgive, i was taught, is not
for the other person;
it’s for
you.

that’s a lesson that never made any fucking sense,
one to which i certainly never subscribed instead
simply snipping from view
assholes and liars and
men.

“all people are generally good”
is such bullshit.

but…

some deacon just got his wings, i guess,
(though, only metaphorically, of course)
cuz it’s kind of true what they said.
about forgiveness, anyway. and i feel
better.

One Response to “i used to be catholic”

  1. globalite76 Says:

    Beautifully said.
    I always say that I’m Catholic in the same way that I’m German and French and Danish. Raised by observant parents and attending K-12 Catholic school; it’s in the blood.
    I don’t go to mass either, because when I needed God and prayed for help I got no response. And I still suck at forgiveness. (But I’m glad you found yours.)


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