knitting archaeology
August 3, 2012
we all have skeletons in our closets.
as dude who grew up with pack rats,
mine is perpetually at capacity.
my recent retirement at my parents house*
allowed me to wade through and eliminate some of the actual crap
that my room has accumulated over the past twenty-seven years.
in the depths of my closet i discovered, among other things**,
a horrifying treasure from my knitting past.
that’s right.
i found my first knitting/yarn.
i thought it long lost, cast off and out of my life.
i should’ve*** known this yarn would haunt me for all of my days.
if you dig around my blog somewhere at the beginning,
you can find the story of how i first learned to knit.
i won’t reiterate that (awesome) story, now.
iet’s just say it was two in the morning,
i had a limited selection from which to choose,
and i like green.
because i love you, blog, so very much, and maybe because no amount of sin can ever wash the catholic completely from my blood, i feel compelled to confess my most grievous of knitterly sins to you. i just hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me for buying this yarn.
t’was ignorance, the folly of youth.
however, i refuse to post a photo of that yarn on this blog.
that shame would be too great to endure.
rather,
i’ll link you to it;
follow at your own risk!
post continues after the jump. nsfw!
>exhales<
i think i'll be ok now.
i needed to get that off my chest.
seriously, though, i was totally happy to unearth this yarn.
how many people have the first thing they've ever knit?
(don't burst my bubble and tell me it's a totally common occurrence)
and while the idea of finishing the project is beyond appalling,
i'm happy to keep this fun fur on their size 10½ boyes
rather than quietly disposing of the evidence.
just know that my time on the dark side was short lived,
and i quickly purchased some much better yarn.
(angry cat mug from danmade. totally ripping off cauchy’s style)
that’s right.
i found my second piece of knitting/yarn, too!
the seed of a stash that never grew.
there’s no ball band for this yarn,
but the receipt says its an alpaca/silk/cashmere blend.
(talk about going from yarn zero to sixty, right?)
though, the astute observer can still tell this is the work of newbie.
notice the yarn is still in a hank and i’m knitting directly from the skein!
i can’t tell you the number of times i’ve warned new knitters never to do this unless they want tangles and heartbreak,
and yet, somehow, it worked out for me.
i guess when you don’t know any better,
you just go for it.
go figure.
sadly,
shortly after knitting that patch of garter,
i stopped knitting.
there were a lot of reasons, really;
the yarn was wicked pricey, and i thought if this is what real yarn cost, i was in trouble (i didnt realize of course, there was a range of yarns from which to choose) more than that, i didn’t have a positive experience with the store from which i bought it.
but if i’m honest, all of that didn’t matter.
it was the purl stitch.
this was back before you could google anything and learn how to do it from watching a video online. (i think it’s important to remember such times) i don’t know how i was learning to purl, but it wasn’t working. years later i would realize the crucial information that was missing was to move the yarn forward.
constantly doubling one’s stitch count
whilst knitting green fun fur
would make anyone quit.
i’m just glad it was only a temporary condition.
à demain, mes amis!
*i always write ‘home’ and mean ‘my parents house’, but it confuses people. i makes me sad to have to make a distinction.
**like my louis vuitton shoes, bitches!! i miss the old economy. *sigh*
***for all you fellow grammar nazis, i’ve noticed a trend among my students. they write could’ve/should’ve etc. thusly: could of. i remember one student being shocked when i corrected them. makes me want to die.
Bitches Get Stitches 
August 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm
1. I used to have a scarf I made out of VERY SIMILAR green fun fur. And I did know better. But I also liked green.
2. That cat mug is soooooo awesome.
3. oh god “COULD OF” noooooo 😦
August 3, 2012 at 8:38 pm
At least it’s a pretty shade of green.
I also did a “mug shot” a couple of years ago with a lace bit, good to know it’s a style!
August 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Forgot to clarify – it was an intentional mug shot rather than just accidentally having my coffee cup in the picture. I remember feeling very artsy at the time.
August 3, 2012 at 9:51 pm
Oh god… I think I have that EXACT same yarn somewhere in my stash. Also, I so want to get that mug for my mom. She’d totally love the fruc out of it. And don’t feel bad on the could’ve/could of. I see it too, and it makes me all freakin’ twitchy. Dunno if it’s just that our generation was really the last to give a fig about proper grammer…
August 3, 2012 at 10:07 pm
Umm…that green fun fur? I think I have it’s cousin somewhere in my apartment.
August 3, 2012 at 10:43 pm
Oh. My. Deities. I was expecting *ed *eart Super Saver crapcrylic (as in my first finished thing), not a shredded parakeet!
And while I’m thinking of things that make me want to heave, I also have a problem with the “would/could/should of” writers. One of them is my manager at work. He’s finally starting to see the light. . .even if it is the demonically red glow from my eyes whenever I see he’s written something like “. . .we should of made it clearer to the customers. . .”!
August 3, 2012 at 10:44 pm
PS: Home is where the heart is. You just happen to have two — at least, when Mo isn’t visiting your folks!
August 4, 2012 at 12:56 am
Wow! I had trouble with the purl stitch too! I taught myself to knit with a book, and for some reason, I just couldn’t get that damn purl stitch. it was f***ing frustrating. Finally, one day, it clicked, thank goodness! I recently found my first knitted scarf. I think it was made of something acrylic and had a hole where I’d made a failed attempt at joining a new skein of yarn. Yes, my early knitting days were fraught with profanity. Haha!
p.s. hahaha! at the person who said your yarn looked like a shredded parakeet 😀
August 4, 2012 at 11:51 am
Thank you Mrs. Strahota, my home ec teacher taught us how to knit in 7th grade, she taught English and I had learned Continental , we had many skirmishes, now I do combination, I purl faster than I knit, as to the yarn,I was working getting things set up in our new “crafting” room and lo and behold all this fun fur came creeping out of it’s hiding spot and smiled evilly at me, I didn’t realize that I had so much.
August 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm
I actually like that fun fur! I can see it combined with other yarns and made into a fun cowl! I like the colors! I like how you knit from a skein of yarn. Saves rolling the yarn into a ball.
I think I’ll try this ~ when I have some time, just in case it does get knotted!
August 4, 2012 at 8:55 pm
Bwaha! As far as fun fur goes, it’s not the worst. It probably helps that I’m very partial to green as well.
I think it’s time you rip project #2 & rescue that yarn, now that you know what to do with it.
August 6, 2012 at 11:36 am
Wow. I can’t believe you used fun fur and didn’t give up the craft. It’s such a pain to knit with… in addition to its other flaws. I’m impressed!
August 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm
That photo made my day! I will confess though, I had a weak moment over last Christmas holiday and knitted the ugliest fun fur glitter cowl which I immediately trashed and hid all evidence. I tried to tell myself that ivory is never tacky. What can I say, it was a fling 😉
August 13, 2012 at 2:05 pm
As a fellow knitter and graduate student, I sincerely enjoy so many aspects of your blog. Thank you.