my time of the month

February 24, 2011

i’ve been on my man period pretty hard lately.
i don’t know if there is any science backing up the theory that men do in fact have periods. since we don’t bleed out once a month, i’m sure there’s been little interest. however,
at least speaking for myself,
i have one.

i remember my mom had really bad pms when i was a lad,
the “batten down the hatches” kind of pms.
my dad and i would brace ourselves,
make ourselves scarce,
and clean something.

this is apparently yet another trait i seem to have inherited from mom. (i’ll forgive her since she also gave me my killer good looks)

my man period usually involves the following:

insane emotions and mood swings
fear the world sees these crazy emotions
analysis of my complicated love life (such as it is)
insomnia and seclusion in my room
a desire to cast on many new projects
consuming unhealthy amounts of red meat
an increase in booty calls/sexting (sorry mom)*
a mad desire to start smoking again (sorry mom)
and the inevitable hunt for the ever illusive xanax bottle.

for christ’s sake i ate peanut butter and loved it!
(ok so only my parents can understand just how not “me” that is,
but trust me, that is some twilight zone shit!)

today was the first day in about ten
when i woke up pretty much even-keeled.
but instead of my brain being back in balance,
i think it’s world that has just changed to fit my mood.

you see, tonight, a few friends are coming over to celebrate my birth.

i was born in december.

veronica feels that,
even though i had a whirlwind trip to nyc to commemorate my birth,
it was necessary to have a celebration in pittsburgh.
so a few peeps who missed out are coming over,
and veronica is making me a butter pecan cake.

i wonder if there will be presents?
i’ve gotten some good ones this year.

a skein of handspun from tina
a skein of handspun from tammy
a lovely skein and pattern from kim
some lovely body butter for my ashy skin from cheryl
socks from lisa b
socks from weirdypants jenn
a hat/needle organizer from the lovely yvonne
a lovely batt from my boss
(i really think she’s just trying to tempt me into buying a wheel)
two, count ’em two stephen west stripy neck accessories from anna
and the emotional support i need, whenever i need it,
from my sister/aunt kelli.

i got groped on my birthday by a hot stranger in new york,
and smooches from a guy i like before we even got there.

and now,
my roomie,
the closest thing i have to a sister,
is having a party in honor of my birthday
in the middle of february.
not too shabby

i’d say a(n extreme) chemical imbalance in my system once a month
is totally worth it for this life i’m living.

speaking of presents,
the february package for my secret pal is in the mail,
and am enjoying the book my secret pal sent me last month.what do you think? does mo need a balaclava?

* just to clarify, i don’t do the booty calling. it happens to me. i’m a lady. (sorry mom)

11 Responses to “my time of the month”

  1. Kimberly Says:

    lol…Really Steven, You kill me! I really have no idea what to say to all this but it’s so great to see that it’s not just women who have these issues.

    Oh and hi-five on the smooch from the hot guy 🙂

    I think your the best, Happy Birthday again! Have fun!

    Today my oldest is 16 yrs old..ack! Oh and yes Mo does need a Balaclava. He would be even more adorable than he already is…if that’s possible.

  2. theJilly Says:

    Doesn’t EVERYone need a balaklava? Indeed.

    Also, maybe I am just weird, but all I can think about is how much easier/cleaner increased booty calls must be on a man period.

    Have a great party! Love your blog.

  3. Yvonne Says:

    Now I feel like a schmuck, all but throwing the delivery confirmation at you, and you paying me back in yarn.

    going to go sulk in a corner and feel bad until it’s time to go to work, where I’ll feel worse because I’m working with you.

  4. carmel Says:

    i Love that book!! Mo would be awesome in headgear! @kim, this is the book I’m sending you this weekend 🙂

  5. diandra Says:

    my husband has been on his rag a lot lately. it’s been funny being in public when he’s cranky and loudly exclaiming, in man-voice, stop being so crabby?! are you on your period?

  6. Yarnyoldkim Says:

    Manstruating is just part of being a man.
    Does your mangina ever feel, not so fresh? Are you even old enough to remember those Summer Eve douche commercials where the daughter talks to her Mom about her allegedly stanky va-jay-jay?
    Enjoy your post-birthday party!

  7. Janice Says:

    As a mom, just gotta say, “don’t you pick up those smokes, young man!” (please)

  8. alisanne Says:

    Just thought you might like to know it isn’t all in your head

    Have a nice second birthday, you have awesome friends

  9. you know who Says:

    Honest that wasn’t me re: the smokes. I’m more the “I’ll kill you if you do” threatening Mom. But thank you Janice. And my PMS couldn’t have been that bad. At least I never saw the cleaning part :).

    Love you. And don’t worry my, mind censored to a PG viewing after the booty call remark! And yes, knit MY dog a balaklava.

  10. Erin Says:

    My dear, a very happy belated day of birth celebration!

    Mine is this weekend and to be honest, I wish it weren’t…not that I’m rapidly approaching the ‘mark’ but rather, I don’t feel like celebrating…I’d rather just knit 😉

    None the less, I will celebrate with the Knitterly Sistas. It will be a fabulous time, I have no doubt. Cuz, that’s how we roll.

  11. Earl Says:

    I think all dogs need a fancy collar and a balaclava especially if snowmaggedon happens again.

    All us ladies use that defense when booty call happens. I just started saying my mother raised a lady just a really slutty one.

    your sp Earl

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