rhinebeck 2013: countdown

September 22, 2013

because my (likely vain) pursuit of becoming an “academic”
requires a gradually increasing inhuman amount of work
such that anything that involves fiber
has been all but completely eliminated from my life
my annual trip to rhinebeck is especially important to me this year.

these are the things i love about rhinebeck:

1. the homeric two-day road trip with my fiber buddy andrea; epic driver, designer, yarn hocker, networker, and the brains (and brawn) behind yarn superhero llc. we laugh, swear, gossip, judge, eat, harmonize to joni mitchell for hours, and peep the shit out of some leaves. this drive is the initial decompression required for me to (try to) forget my real life and put me in the rhinebeck state of mind.

2. i stay at the cool kids house. while i’m not famous, and there are definitely houses with more famous yarny people in them, our rhinebeck house is by far where the real cool kids stay. fuck the ravelry peeps and their damn baby. fuck whatever cabin in the woods the yarn harlot or clara parks might be staying in. we stay here. while most of the details are completely confidential, let me just say that there’s some extraordinary inappropriateness that goes down at our house.
you wish you were invited.
but you’re not.

3. this year, my old friend, coworker, and yarn-store sibling, anna, will finally be coming to rhinebeck. she will be staying at the cool kids house. (the details aren’t clear, but i think there was a horrible death in the group that led to an opening. i don’t ask question)

4. my lack of vagina combined with intense undiagnosed sleep apnea means i get my own room. as an only child, this makes my soul rejoice.

5. the food. people have strong opinions about the food at rhinebeck. after a few years, this is what i think. the artichokes are not worth the line. the lamb ravioli with a side of garlic spinach is. i skip the shitty breakfast sandwiches and load up on apple donuts and cider. bring your own booze.

6. the ghost chili challenge. this will mark the third year of andrea’s and my masochistic indulgence at the hot sauce counter, thus making it into a tradition. the ghost chili is the world’s hottest pepper (last year, we had some fellow tasters, one of whom vomited after) but we just can’t seem to resist becoming high school boys for a few minutes to relish the feeling of doing something stupid for its own sake. this year, if memory serves, there’s a rumor that the hot sauce man has acquired the new, even hotter scorpion chili whose spiciness supposedly makes the ghost chili look like a lovely glass of milk fresh from the cow’s teet.
pray for us.

7. judging famous knitters based on their outfits.
(no elaboration necessary).

there are other things,
things i can’t put into words,
things i can’t even think of at 2:34 in the morning.

but the my favorite thing about rhinebeck
is “nips with steven: a rhinebeck photo essay”.
(check out year 1 here and year 2 here, if you need a reminder)

my goal is to outdo the previous year.
so if you’re going to rhinebeck,
or know someone who is,
look for me
and be a part of rhinebeck herstory.

it’s for art.

in other news,
the clockwork is on the move.
it was last seen with some new hampshire knitteratti:
photoright to left: thea colman (babycocktails), dawn catanzaro, diana (bestitched), julia farwell-clay. unseen & across the table were cecily glowik macdonald, bristol ivy, ellen mason (odacier), & erin m.
(who is rather immune to internet stalking so no link for her!)
photo courtesy of misa

clockwork visits turkey

September 13, 2013

the country, not the bird.

my friend misa, queen of colorwork,
knitter of the owl and the pussycat dress,
took the clockwork with her on her trip to turkey.

she blogged about it here.
IMG_3543go check out the pics and let me know what you think!

the truth is out there

August 7, 2013

this morning i received a package from an anonymous source.
in it was the as yet unseen evidence of the clockwork
and its time on the fiber trash girls’s retreat.
again, the details are sketchy;
no one knows what actually happened.
but it looks like some freaky shit may have gone down.
(names have been omitted to protect the innocent)
retreat 7
retreat 8
retreat 9
retreat 10
retreat 11
retreat 12
retreat 13(that one’s my favorite)
retreat 14(she’s serving “don’t fuck with the woolydaisy” realness)
retreat 15
retreat 16
retreat 17
retreat 18
retreat 19
retreat 20you could not pay me to go down there. so blair witch.
retreat 21i . . . there are no words.
but by my count,
the clockwork hung out with at least
8 women, 1 corgi, 1 braid of wool top,
and a felted alien.

only in california.

thanks again to the fiber trash girls and the woolydaisy for hosting the clockwork! edit: that was my 350th post!

golden state

August 6, 2013

in mid july,
stephanie and the fiber trash girls
took the clockwork on their annual (knitting?) retreat.
i think their motto is “what happens in the woods, stays in the woods”
because i have no explanation for the following images.

this is their cabin
image 1
image 2very deliverance chic.

then there’s this . . . gentleman.
not sure which is creepier: a clockwork on a dummy with a gun
image 3
image 4or with a baby (lover?)

then there’s this guy
image 5proving that clockworks should only be worn by dogs.

notice there’re no pictures of stephanie or any of the fiber trash girls, themselves. we can only assume that these retreats of theirs are so debaucherous that all evidence is destroyed.
if it ever existed in the first place
image 6anyone else getting a blair witch vibe from these pics?

thanks ladies for taking care of the clockwork!
(and getting the blood stains out)

clockwork and the harlot’nuff said.

tomorrow i recount my epic adventures with the tina in portland

colorado

June 15, 2013

the clockwork is still in colorado (i think)
and sally of rivendale farms (and of the comments)
has been showing it a marvelous time in the centennial state.

it attended the estes park wool market with sally and her pal jill

where it may have broken a rule or two.
???????????????????????????????
(jill seems like my kind of people)

sally and jill found this yarn-bombed tree in lyons, co.
they stopped to “let the clockwork have a visit with its cousins”
???????????????????????????????
sally, i can pretty much guarantee that there’s no relation between my clockwork and what looks like that tree’s thneed.

then, it was off to see jan of cat crap hill (also of the comments)
where it became acquainted with chickens
and jan’s broadway tendencies.
???????????????????????????????
1. the chicken!
2. how fabulous is her name?
3. at first i thought that alpaca was jan’s ponytail.

sally’s husband jim got into the act.
???????????????????????????????
the chickens like him, apparently.

the clockwork was apparently “over served”,
which is, i hear, a common occurrence on cat crap hill.
???????????????????????????????
and sally found it passed out the next day amongst its shame.

and finally, it met my namesake!
???????????????????????????????
steven ambrose jr. looks far better in it than i ever did.

thanks sally.
you did colorado proud!
what’s next, i wonder?

*photo and copy credit go to sally ball, without whom this post would not be possible.

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