farewell pittsburgh

August 4, 2011

the movers are coming today,
and it’s all i can do to keep from collapsing.
leaving you, pittsburgh, . . . it feels like
. . .i’m dying in a way.

i feel like i do at funerals,
like my legs could buckle at any moment,
like my heart needs to be closer to the earth.

i’ve never been in love before and
it’s crazy that my first time would be you,
a city, the steel city.

you made me laugh constantly,
shared with me all your secrets,
tucked me in on so many nights
with a smooch and a smile.

you were nothing but good to me.
i can never repay all your kindnesses.

at the same time,
it wasn’t enough.
or not fast enough
for me to realize
this is it!
you were the one.

it’s my fault
we didn’t work out.
i should’ve done more
to maintain your affections.
by the time i knew it was you
i wanted, you’d stiffened,
and i was being pulled away.

i could’ve done more to be with you, but i didn’t.
i was disloyal
and untrue.

leaving is the only choice i have left.

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i’ve never been in love before
so i didn’t recognize the signs.
you and yours snuck up on me,
and my only wish is that i could stay
somehow.

i know we’ll always be friends,
that i’ll see you now and then,
that this isn’t a forever goodbye.
but i’ll never have you like i did before.
we’ll never be as close as we once were.
nothing has ever hurt me more than that.

i love you, buddy.

i’ll miss you.

you were my home.

so i hope you’ll still find it gripping.

last night i went out and did young people things.
it’s been a while since i’ve had the inclination, energy, or time to go dancing.

but last night was special.
last night, i had the opportunity to see an icon of the queer world.
last night, amanda lepore came to pittsburgh.

since it’d been a while since i’d been to a club, i felt a bit overstimulated

but i’m a pro, and i shook my ass like one.

there were some seriously fabulous people there


(i love this queen!)

but no one could have ever topped amanda herself



(these have to be some of the best shots of my career)

i kinda wish i’d paid the $200 to get into the v.i.p. room to meet her.
i mean, did i really need to eat this week?

while many of you were probably more excited about my harlot encounter, seeing an icon in person is one of those once in a lifetime things. i know i’ll never forget that night.

how could i?

she did look a little cold though.
maybe i should have knit her something.

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