June 2, 2011
i try to keep entries that don’t involve knitting to minimum
since it’s kind of the point of my blog.
but because brooke insists,
“the holiday weekend is over.. we want the scoop on the “mild debauchery” – dish dude, dish.. we want the nitty gritty of your weekend.. don’t hold back..”
just to keep things legal,
here’s some knitting.
i’m testing knitting this little ditty for my friend andrea.
when it grows up, it will be a kimono-style sweater.
when it has a name, and is available to the world,
i’ll give you more details.
but back to my weekend.
i’m afraid brooke is going to be disappointed.
when you’re traveling with four old married ladies
there’s only so much debauchery that can happen.
let’s not forget i did say mild.
i mean, there was everything you’d expect of five dudes at a rustic cabin in rural pennsylvania:
walking in the nature,
artistic expression of the inner self,
cigar/ettes and beer and campfires,
the grilling of meats,
a best friend,
buying of junk,
and excessive blurry photography.
there was also stuff the camera didn’t capture like nude sunbathing (i was not present for that), nighttime nebbing in trailer parks, tons of wildlife (beavers, deer, an opossum, a toads, a baby rabbit, rednecks, loons, and many many porcupines), and peeing anywhere that wasn’t inside.
if that’s not enough, i did make a bottle of whiskey disappear.
that’s pretty debaucherous.
really, though, trips like this
are about getting away from our lives,
no matter how good or bad we think they are,
and just being a less complicated version of yourself.
at least that’s how it was for me.
i got some quality thinking time in,
and left some of my highly traumatic couple months back behind with the flies.
hope your memorial day weekend was a good as mine,
i doubt it.
May 1, 2011
right before i went into the hospital,
everything was all set for my summer romp in new york;
i was ready to apartment hunt, and add my body to hordes.
then i got sick.
then there were surgeries.
then i almost died a couple of times.
and the proverbial wrench was thrown into the works.
my internship in new york didn’t disappear.
i just had to wait till my picc line was pulled,
and the doctors said they were done with me.
as of yesterday,
they’re done with me.
now it was up to me to decide if i’m well enough,
strong enough, to take on the big apple.
no pressure or anything.
the truth is,
i am still healing.
i’m weak, and even with big time drugs,
i’m in a lot of pain.
since the day i got out,
the question has been,
how badly do i want this?
is my desire for a summer of fun greater than my need to heal?
finding the answer has been all i could think about for weeks.
and as if my family hasn’t been through enough,
my father flipped his suv friday night and is in the hospital.
(note: whoever decided that waiting all night to notify my mother that my father was in the hospital so she had to wait up for hours wondering where her husband was, fuck you. you should be fired.)
or as fine as possible.
the pressure has been unbearable.
finally, i just had to ask myself, what do you want?
and the answer came right out of my mouth.
so listen up, bitches.
i have made my decision.
i’m giving up my internship.
shocking i know.
i simply don’t have it in me right now.
i just need to have a relaxing summer.
i want to spend time with my family,
with the people i love.
i need to heal.
soon enough, i’ll be thrown back to the wolves,
to ruthless maw of michigan state’s english department.
don’t get me wrong, i’m totally stoked that i’m going there.
getting my phd has been a goal i’ve worked toward for years now,
and there’s no better place to do the work i want to do than at msu.
but taking this summer means i can really prepare,
that i can take my time to get ready for the next five years of my life.
i always knew i might have to choose between the two opportunities,
that they would end up conflicting with each other.
in any event,
this is what i want,
which i suppose is all the reason i need.
now all i need to figure out is
where the hell i’m going to live this summer.
in other news, i fully recognize that there is only so much life drama you dear readers are willing to put up with before you get bored.
fiber is your drug of choice.
tomorrow there will be a post.
and i promise, it is completely
and totally knitting related.
cross my heart.
March 27, 2011
hey there bitches!
how’re things with you?
how am i doing?
well i’m feeling a little . . . odd tonight.
i think it’s this house sitting gig i’ve got.
all this alone time in a big old house,
no one to talk to but some cats,
and the tivo,
my god! the tivo!
i think it’s making me a little stir crazy.
i feel the cabin fever descending.
since all i’m working on is some super secret knitting,
i have nothing at all fibery to share with you all tonight.
but i still feel the need to keep you entertained.
let’s go to the bathroom shall we?
a photo shoot in the shower is just the ticket.
let’s have some fun with facial hair!
i can’t show the last pic.
a naked-face pic is just going to far,
even for me.
i’m a lady.
February 24, 2011
i’ve been on my man period pretty hard lately.
i don’t know if there is any science backing up the theory that men do in fact have periods. since we don’t bleed out once a month, i’m sure there’s been little interest. however,
at least speaking for myself,
i have one.
i remember my mom had really bad pms when i was a lad,
the “batten down the hatches” kind of pms.
my dad and i would brace ourselves,
make ourselves scarce,
and clean something.
this is apparently yet another trait i seem to have inherited from mom. (i’ll forgive her since she also gave me my killer good looks)
my man period usually involves the following:
insane emotions and mood swings
fear the world sees these crazy emotions
analysis of my complicated love life (such as it is)
insomnia and seclusion in my room
a desire to cast on many new projects
consuming unhealthy amounts of red meat
an increase in booty calls/sexting (sorry mom)*
a mad desire to start smoking again (sorry mom)
and the inevitable hunt for the ever illusive xanax bottle.
for christ’s sake i ate peanut butter and loved it!
(ok so only my parents can understand just how not “me” that is,
but trust me, that is some twilight zone shit!)
today was the first day in about ten
when i woke up pretty much even-keeled.
but instead of my brain being back in balance,
i think it’s world that has just changed to fit my mood.
you see, tonight, a few friends are coming over to celebrate my birth.
i was born in december.
veronica feels that,
even though i had a whirlwind trip to nyc to commemorate my birth,
it was necessary to have a celebration in pittsburgh.
so a few peeps who missed out are coming over,
and veronica is making me a butter pecan cake.
i wonder if there will be presents?
i’ve gotten some good ones this year.
a skein of handspun from tina
a skein of handspun from tammy
a lovely skein and pattern from kim
some lovely body butter for my ashy skin from cheryl
socks from lisa b
socks from weirdypants jenn
a hat/needle organizer from the lovely yvonne
a lovely batt from my boss
(i really think she’s just trying to tempt me into buying a wheel)
two, count ‘em two stephen west stripy neck accessories from anna
and the emotional support i need, whenever i need it,
from my sister/aunt kelli.
i got groped on my birthday by a hot stranger in new york,
and smooches from a guy i like before we even got there.
the closest thing i have to a sister,
is having a party in honor of my birthday
in the middle of february.
not too shabby
i’d say a(n extreme) chemical imbalance in my system once a month
is totally worth it for this life i’m living.
* just to clarify, i don’t do the booty calling. it happens to me. i’m a lady. (sorry mom)
February 10, 2011
that’s what i was last thursday; the mothah fucking bomb.
ok maybe i’m being a little dramatic.
i did do an excellent job, though.
and i’m very proud of myself.
this is how things went down:
i drove through the mountains of pennsylvania,
passing through state college, and ending up in historic boalsburg, pa.
(don’t ask me where that is or anything about it. i have no. idea.)
i sat down to lunch with the lovely krystn madrine,
the knitter responsible for booking this gig,
and went over the evening’s progression.
i took some notes,
wrote down some names,
headed over to the venue,
and continued to silently shit my pants.
this left me with one hour to prep;
writing out how i wanted to open,
giving my first impression.
i took a turn about the room, and was pretty surprised;
even though this was an event about knitting,
the organizers had invited a bunch of other guilds.
i was thoroughly impressed.
i found a seat and knitted a few rows before i had to get things going,
find my center,
open my chakras,
ohm shanti and all that.
and a girl from state college asked if she could interview me.
(she was writing a paper for her event planning class)
when she asked where i came from, it was her turn to shit her pants.
she couldn’t believe someone would drive all the was from pittsburgh
for a knitting event.
after blowing the mind of america’s youth,
it was time to get to work.
based on the sign in sheet,
i was standing in front of just over a hundred people.
and now that i had their attention, i had to do something with it.
i’m looking at a couple hundred eyes, but i don’t care,
because i know exactly what i’m gonna do with the scene.
and of course everything happens, my god, the emotion comes up, i chase it away, i bring it back,
people laughed when i wanted them to,
paid attention when i wanted them to.
that room was mine!
for about five minutes.
then other people took over with the talking and such.
my job for the rest of the night was to be pleasant to the people who came up to talk to me, make the raffle interesting, and make sure people got the fuck out by nine.
i happily posed for the obligatory photos.
that’s kate, the guild president.
and krystn, the knotty girl who roped me into this.
but my favorite part of the night was meeting a reader.
this is tammy. she was a little disappointed that i didn’t wear my hotpants, especially since she spent a good chunk of her time at maryland standing in line at the fold staring at my ass.
sorry tammy. krystn wouldn’t let me wear them.
notice i’m clutching a skein of yarn in my hand in that photo?
tammy is spinning 52 skeins in 52 weeks.
i’m holding skein #4.
i told her so.
and she gave it to me.
just fucking gave it to me!
can you believe that?!
i had an emotion.
(you can see it here)
overall, i had a blast.
everyone was really friendly, and cheerful.
totally worth driving across the commonwealth and back.
i didn’t even need a xanax.
*mad points for who ever knows where i stole this little bit of text from.
January 1, 2011
we had a party here last night.
there was much drinking
and eating of the food.
i only have a tiny headache today,
a sign that, at 26, i know my limits a bit better.
2010 was a trying year.
overall, a good one,
i am more than happy to bid it adieu.
December 25, 2010
anytime i go on some kind of adventure,
i have a difficult time writing about what happened.
writing about my first trip to new york might be the hardest.
i mean, how do you put new york into words?
it is truly unlike any city i’ve ever been to.
i felt like i could fall into some hole,
and no one would ever find me,
or even notice.
my brief time in the n.y.c. taught me a few things,
lessons i’ll take with me when i move there in the summertime.
here are but a few:
1. new york city is big. obvious i know, but having never been there, i didn’t understand what “big” actually meant. other cities may be larger in actual size, but i challenge you to name one that can make you feel as small as new york can.
2. people in new york are prettier. they dress better,
and are possibly genetically superior.
take for example my strawberry blonde friend sarah s. gorgeous right? (and she only lives in brooklyn!)
this of course means, when i move there,
i too will be prettier.
4. at sant ambroeus in the west village
they’ll let you breathe the same air as celebrities and aristocrats,
diamond-studded trophy wives and their cheating husbands,
and eat the best birthday chocolate cake ever. ever!
i mean there’s gold on for christ’s sake!
thanks for the recommendation rocco dispirito.
6. a fabulous birthday dinner at buddhakan
is best shared with good friends.
if only to help eat all the food when you over order.
December 18, 2010
well folks, today is my birthday.
i am twenty six years old.
to me, that seems very old,
but i’ve been told i have a problem with aging.
(my face would agree)
rather than dwell on my fine lines and wrinkles,
how about i tell you my news?
at 161 6th ave in manhattan,
soho publishing puts out vogue knitting,
knit simple, yarn market news, and debbie bliss magazine.
this summer, i will be their lowly unpaid intern.
this will mean a move to new york city for at least three months.
right now, the only thing keeping my excitement under control
is this terrible urge to vomit all over myself.
moving to new york is a kind of mythical adventure;
it’s one of those things “other” people do,
not some corn-fed michigan boy.
the mind reels.
being a lowly unpaid intern means i’ll also need a real job in the city.
so, my new york friends,
wanna see my resumé?
December 10, 2010
the other day, i got an email.
which lead to one of the loveliest phone calls ever.
the specifics of that phone call are unimportant.
let’s just say there were plenty of laughs.
the result of said conversation arrived yesterday:
with this yarn,
i will knit my first sample garment ever
for blue moon fiber arts.
i literally got all misty just now typing that.
it just feels really special, having someone think your knitting is good enough, worthy enough to represent their company. tina is a busy busy woman, and she has poured her soul into blue moon. i mean, it’s literally her home for christ’s sake.
i just feel really honored to be a part of it,
if only in this small way.
and the extra money and yarn support ain’t too shabby either.
i’m going to do the right thing, listen to suze orman,
and put that money right into savings.
(i read the money book for the young, fabulous & broke, all of which i am. it scared the shit out of me.)
oh you didn’t know i had a birthday coming up?
on december 18th, one week before christmas,
i will gain another digit.
to celebrate the end of my youth,
i’m headed to new york in six,
count ‘em, six motha fuckin days bitches!
(it’s my first time, new york. please, be gentle)
how can someone as young, fabulous, and broke as i afford such a trip?
no it has nothing at all to do with cramp in my jaw.
simply put, i’m scamming a free bed off a friend.
actually a friend’s boyfriend.
actually it’s his parents.
i have no shame.
i’m hoping it will be as fantastic as i’m imagining,
and i wonder how it will stack up to paris.
in any case,
the best gifts are still the ones you give yourself.
of course birthday gifts from other people still rule,
and in many cases are implicitly mandatory to maintain a friendship.
if you were wondering what to get for your favorite knit-blogger for their birthday or christmas, here are some suggestions
(purely a hypothetical here)
1 – money. nothing says i love you better, or is more personal than cash. a check or money order is also great, but traceable. better to leave no paper trail. (what? i went to school with mob children)
2 – gift card to a LYS. this says i love you enough to let you spend the money as you see fit, but i don’t want you spending it on drugs or alcohol. wool is much safer.
3 – membership in the 2011 rockin’ sock club. this gift says, i know you have a problem with sock yarn, and i’m totally ok with that. it also says you better knit me some damn socks already.
4 – moisturizer. this gift says, you’re looking pretty . . . fucking old. you need to take care of that hot mess you call a face.
(best birthday card ever tina!)
but if your holiday is going to be as tight as so many americans’
nothing warms the heart of a jaded, grinchy blogger,
like a happy birthday comment.
see you in new york, bitches!
November 8, 2010
to those of you who didn’t win, thanks for playing.
i hope you’ll still keep me on your blogrolls.
if there was a particular skein that you were hoping for,
drop me a line. we’ll work something out.
does this yarn look familiar?
here’s the scoop:
even though we’re both pretty busy,
(tina obviously more than i)
every now and then,
she drops me a line.
or i drop her a line.
i drop her a stack of post-it notes.
in our most recent exchange,
it turns out that she lost the shawl.
she was sick about it, and wasn’t sure if she should tell me.
being a knitter, i immediately offered to reknit it.
i mean, she loved it so much. how could i let her feel bad?
i said my finger was poised above “purchase” button on the BMFA website, and i was ready to dig up the pattern.
she wouldn’t hear of it.
she insisted she give me the yarn.
of course her generosity floweth over
since there is no way i’ll need three skeins.
apparently, the only real way to get rid of stash is to knit it.
any idea what i should do with the third one?
the story doesn’t end there though.
after i got the yarn tina wrote:
“I traced my steps that day over and over and realized that it probably dropped off my shoulders when I headed this toddler off at the pass because her mum was too far behind and not gaining the speed her little girl was.
So I went back to the grocery store that this had happened at a couple of days ago and was about to ask after it when I saw that one of the cashiers had it on.
She was showing it to a customer and was obviously in love and well I couldn’t, I just couldn’t.
I thought you’d understand.
You do right?”
can you believe that?
tina is a bigger knitter than i!
i would’ve snatched that shawl off that cashier
faster than a pissed off queen snatching a wig off.
my answer was obvious.
of course i understand!
tina let the cashier keep the shawl
for the same reason i immediately offered to reknit it.
we knit, at least in part, because we love when people love hand knits.
clearly, the knitting gods work in mysterious ways
and that cashier was meant to have shawl number one.
this time around i’m making sure to say all the right prayers,
lighting extra incense, candles, and such
to make sure this one stays on the intended shoulders.
maybe i’ll send a shawl pin to be safe.
she also hired me to be a test knitter.
can you say, “yarn support”?
can you say, “paid to knit”?!
i’m a lucky lucky man.
stephen houghton of hizKNITS may be the first man on the (blue) moon,
but there were 17 apollo missions, bitches!