up late

April 23, 2013

can’t sleep.
here’s a video.

love her.

boston

April 16, 2013

this is my fourth attempt at writing about this

because i saw an image that completely traumatized me,

that made me feel

and react

in ways

i no longer do.

my brain has learned how to protect me.

at least ninety nine percent of the time

i feel nothing, really.

this time,

i just couldn’t handle

this one image

of a man

who is now half a man

if he survives/d.

and all i know now is

i am deeply grateful to have a mom to call crying,

for the joy of friends watching drag queens on television,

for a best friend who talks to me for hours about her life,

for mo,

snoring,

oblivious

to anything

but finding the perfect spot in bed.

one sad sock

April 14, 2013

on my way to paris,
i decided to knit a sock.
sock knitting is perfect for airplanes, and
i was drawn to the colorway from the last month of last year’s sock club.

since school timing makes going to maryland sheep and wool impossible,
i decided i would treat myself to a knot hysteria retreat this summer.
and since it’s my tradition to always knit something for the harlot when i see her, the sock would be perfect.
her pattern.
tina’s yarn.
tiny feet.
perfect.

and then, the bomb drops while i’m in paris:
tina and stephanie broke up.
no more sock summits.
no more knot hysteria retreats.

frankly, i’m shocked,
and i know a lot of people are.
within 20 minutes of the post, texts were flying between knitters
asking who knew what? how did this happen?*

all i knew,
DPP_1468was i was knitting a sock for an event that would not happen.

never would i participate in yarn-dying melée.
never would i learn more about fiber in a day than i have in the past 3 years. never would i get the chance to spin and knit and make friends and steal my favorite soap that looks like a rock from the port ludlow resort’s maid’s cart. (and i’m on my last fucking bar!)

i made some life-long friends at my first retreat
i learned to spin, just so i could go, and now i’m a spinner.
and now it’s all over.

DPP_1470and there’s this sock
that has no mate, as of yet,
and i can’t seem to bring myself to cast on the next one.
it’s really pretty, and i love this pattern,
but the intension that bore it
can never be fulfilled.

so what should i do?

leave the pair unfinished, in honor of the loss of knot hysteria?
quit whining, knit the second one, and give them away?

you decide.

i can’t.

**my personal hypothesis is that knot hysteria dissolved because tina and stephanie were sick of dealing with the same whackos that showed up to every single event. i mean, there were some awesome folks who went, people that i love. but some of those regulars . . . if you saw them on the bus, you’d get off and wait for the next one to come. just sayin’.

paris 2013

April 13, 2013

the worst part about traveling, is coming home,
not just because you must return to your real life,
but because everyone feels entitled to a detailed account.

it begins with their eyes lighting up,
their voice switching into a higher register
and, on the verge of orgasm, they ask,
“how was paris?”

i smile,
of course,
and have my canned response at the ready.
but, on the inside, it’s more. . .
bw fuck off

comme ça.

i’m not sure why it annoys me, really.
part of it is that it seems so phony, that
people are not interested in what my time was like
as much as they are trying to live vicariously through my experience.
which points to, what is likely, the bigger reason it annoys me;
maybe i just don’t want to share my exeperience!
maybe i just want to keep it to myself and treasure it!
why are you entitled to information about my life
just because you asked?

this response has led to many a confrontation between my mother and i since she feels it’s basic courtesy to express curiosity in the lives of the people you care about, whereas i feel if i wanted to share something, i would bring it up. i fully recognize that my response to people’s inquires is completely not normal though so is most of how i live my life.
why should this be any different?

still,
i feel some obligation to blog about paris,
though i completely forgot to go to the one yarn store i wanted to see
so there’s no knitting content.
and no, i won’t tell you why i forgot,
though i promise, it was well worth it!

and so, je vous donne:

paris 2013 – a photo essay
20130413-160859.jpg20130413-160917.jpg20130413-161057.jpg20130413-161006.jpg20130413-161855.jpg20130413-161119.jpg20130413-161137.jpg20130413-161156.jpg20130413-161222.jpg20130413-161249.jpg20130413-161318.jpg20130413-161339.jpg20130413-161401.jpg20130413-161422.jpg20130413-161440.jpgDPP_1398DPP_1402DPP_1403DPP_1413DPP_1417DPP_1423DPP_1429DPP_1430DPP_1430aDPP_1430bDPP_1430cDPP_1430dDPP_1431DPP_1437DPP_1438DPP_1438aDPP_1438bDPP_1439DPP_1442DPP_1442aDPP_1442bDPP_1442cDPP_1449DPP_1450DPP_1452

1. first propeller plane ride – yyz to cdg
2. view from mon appartement
3. first moments in paris or a few of my favorite things
4. sparklers in our dessert? why not?!
5. pg ‘guys with iphones’ shot
6. friends. . .
7. and colleagues
8. grandma’s sunglasses in paris
9. quasimodo the duck
10. best representation of marriage i’ve ever seen
11. notre dame’s fine behind
12. late-night snack
13. chocolate cat
14. blasphemy
15. best lunch with fellow only, place de la contrascarpe
16. tango in paris
17. & 18. square jehan-rictus, montmartre
19. aimer c’est du désordre . . . alors aimons!
20. arlette denis, la chanteuse de montmartre
21. first timer
22. she was playing yann tiersen
23. view from la basilique du sacré coeur de montmartre
24. view of la basilique du sacré coeur de montmartre
25. mo’s distant cousin
26. only child tourists
27. historic immeuble (supposedly) the first built specifically for artists
28. fetus street art
29. parisian parenting outside saint-sulpice
30. cute boy, cute shoes
31. miyazakiesque
32. piano man à côté de la fontaine saint-michel
33. cole haan, swollen feet in the rue de l’hirondelle
34. view from pont royal
35. accidentally got off at wrong métro top to this view
36. quickly took a tourist shot before the light show ended
37. then we froze our asses off on the tower itself
38. first timer
39. last morning
40. ready to go
41. ma porte

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 570 other followers