wordpress ate this post

March 18, 2012

believe you me,
the post i wrote was fucking hilarious.
you might even have called it bitches get stitches gold.

but it’s gone.

should i try to recreate it?
will it come off as artificial?
what if i hadn’t even told you?
would you have noticed something was missing?
that ‘thing’, that quality of spontaneity in all my best posts?

it’s moot.
i’m not rewriting it.

instead,
here’s the spark notes version:

getting yarn as a gift no longer makes me happy.
rather, i see it as an unwittingly hostile act.
i live in a tiny apartment.
my stash is full.
i have no time to whittle it down
to add something new, no matter how beautiful.

so while when tina sent me yarn for my birthday/christmas
i was initially overjoyed by it’s timeliness
and my unexpected adoration for the grawk color way,
i soon realized there was no room in my blue moon bin for more yarn.

those two skeins just sat on my work table
mocking me every time i passed them by.
the twisted skein was particularly shameless.
i swear,
just once,
it flashed its junk.
the mopsy was more reserved.
it only showed a little side boob now and then.

well i refuse to be mocked by wool!
so i put that twisted skein on my swift
and started winding that bitch.

now,
that skein has some generous yardage.
so i realized my winder wouldn’t be able to take it.

all.

i knew i’d have to finish winding it by hand.
(this ain’t my first time at the rodeo!)
what i didn’t foresee, was that
this skein would break my shitty knit picks winder.
yes folks, my winder is now
in pieces!

undeterred, i slid the skein to my nostepinne
(can some give me a definitive spelling on that word?)
and wound the shit out of that skein.

i shed no tears for the crappy piece of plastic.
i wouldn’t give the skein the satisfaction.

but what to knit with it?
i already have the shawl
for those five minutes a week i can knit something complicated.
i needed something easy,
something i can knit in dark
when i’m at the film collective
or between sections.

but the thought of, say, a ribbed scarf
made me want to commit suicide.
the skein would want that.
and i won’t let it win.

then it came to me
a garter scarf knit lengthwise.
nothing could be easier, right?
and i’ve never knit one.

perfect.

the colors are distributing in a way i adore.
if i’ve done my math correctly, it’ll be a little more than 6′ long.
and with the extra yardage, i’m hoping it will be more stole than scarf.

sorry bitches.

veronica already called dibs.

here is where i had a perfect, witty segue to tell you about some new socks in my life. it was inspired and tied together two seemingly unrelated topics. but fuck it. it doesn’t work now.
here they are:

no, i did not knit these.
they were knit by the official sock knitter of bitches get stitches:
weirdy pants jen
i love jen for many reasons.
many a giggle fit was had over a funny look
or our shared views on parenting, and how you’re doing it wrong.
(really, we owe our friendship to our mutual friend, bessie, god rest her)
but it takes a special kind of knitter to knit socks
just because you ask them to.

they are slightly too big
by which i mean,
they fit perfectly.
by which i mean,
they have no ease,
positive or negative.
socks should have a tad of negative ease.
and while i’ve heard rumors of success with shrinkage,
that’s just not a concept i’m comfortable pursuing.
instead, they will be my new bed socks.
my favorite pair snagged on a trip to the lou
leaving a big hole in the foot.
these are a perfect replacement.
thanks jen!

there you have it, folks.
a shadow of it’s former glory,
perhaps,
but a post nonetheless.

ps dear tina,
ignore everything i posted above. it’s all lies. send me all your yarn whenever you please. a space just opened up on my work table!

6 Responses to “wordpress ate this post”

  1. cauchy09 Says:

    oh, but it feels like we got a double-dose of BGS awesomeness. also? your yarn seems cheekier than mine.

  2. Sally at Rivendale Farms Says:

    Seeing as I have a veritable whorehouse of sock yarn, I understand. Lately I’m on a whacked out shawl phase, but with 2 on needles and 2 more planned, I’m crossing the line into Crazyville. And yet, I just ordered the silk yarn to make Evenstar – what the hell was I thinking? Madness, I tell you, madness. Right now 8 miles of garter stitch holds a certain appeal.

    Welcome back. Insanity loves company.

  3. Marie Says:

    I completely understand lack of yarn gift love. At this point I have more yarn than I care to for projects I’ll probably never get around to actually knitting. It’s very overwhelming, even when I keep paring it down. Getting more yarn handed to me feels like an unintentional attack – like the person is telling me “Here, you don’t have enough on your plate already, have some more yarn.”

  4. Audry Says:

    Perhaps you should be asking for finished knits and yarn. I’ll bet both would be welcome.

  5. Anonymous, too Says:

    Who is Lou?

    Or did you mean the loo?

    When you run out of room for stash, it’s time to start yarn-bombing the furniture. But not with the really good stuff. The really good stuff is for yarn-bombing Mo.

  6. Bonnie Says:

    Steven, let me show you my true generosity. You may send me yarn–not because I want yarn, mind you, but only so you can regain some room in your stash. I’m that caring. You’re welcome.


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