911

December 31, 2011

i’ve been without a car for some time now, which means
i haven’t left my apartment for at least three days.
i finally think i understand the shining.
(are there misspellings in that clip?)

i’ve overdosed on stargate, bad anime, and rupaul’s drag race,
i’ve been talking to mo and the television as if they can understand me,
i’ve been wearing this comfy yet obscene pair of long johns for days,
and i don’t want to alarm you, but i think may have
clementine poisoning.

if you’re near the capital of the magical mitten,
please, come pick my ass up and buy me a drink.
or the dog gets it!

random

December 30, 2011

why write a coherent post, i ask you,
when life is anything but?

so here’s some shit that’s happening in my household.
apartmenthold? is that even a thing?

anyway.

randomness 1 – i love getting thank you notes
or really any kind of card or paper mail.
when it’s from a cute dude, even better.
put a sheep on it? well that just does me in.

randomness 2 – winter fruit
to say that i love pomegranates would be a ridiculous understatement.
i luuuurrrve them. i luuuurrrve them them soo much.
have you ever cleaned one before? it takes forevs!
but that’s the best part! it takes like an hour to pick one apart,
to be put into some kind of receptacle,
to then be devoured immediately
by me.

clememtines also rule,
what with that weird crate they come in.
i will not eat oranges or grapefruits, (though i do love their juice)
but i’ll eat the shit out of a clementine.
mo likes them too.

randomness 3 – i got a plate
it’s a thank you plate from the pittsburgh aids task force.
it came with a thank you note, which you know i love,
explaining that this is a ‘plate with purpose‘.
there’s a quote on it from kerry stoner,
one of the founders of the pittsburgh aids task force.

i’m not sure what to do with this plate, other than treasure it.
do i hang it on the wall? is that gauche?
or do i use it?

who knows.

my goal for next year is to raise $10,000.
it’s insane i know, but i figure
if i can get nearly $5000
with only two weeks of planning,
what could i get with a few months?

random 4 – amazon.com is the enemy
at least the enemy of my bank account.
there are too many things that i want and need
that are only one click away.
like this über gay phone cover.
it was so miami (mee-yAH-mee) that i had to own it.
it kinda sucks as phone covers go, at least in terms of protection.
it only protects the back, so i can’t put it face down.
it’s also pretty slick, which means
if i put it on a surface with an incline,
it slides off.

useful, right?

but it does kinda match the plate, so i guess it stays.

big trouble in little china

December 27, 2011

that’s what’s playing on my tv right now.
(gotta love netflix for providing those ’80s classics)

so the other day, i knit a hat.
(it’s a present so i can’t show you)
when i looked at the little leftover ball,
i got the idea that, perhaps,
i could eek out another one.

nothing fancy, mind.

just a simple sailory skull cap.

“what the hell,” thought i,
“let’s give it whirl.”

but as i started my decreases tonight,
it didn’t look like i was going to make it;
the ball, well, it just looked too small.
(that’s what she said)

now, something weird happens when you think you’re going to run out of yarn. you start knitting more quickly, as if you can outrun the yarn or something. at least, that’s how it works with me.

as i got closer and closer and the stitches fewer and fewer,
it became pretty clear that this was a no go,
and i’d wasted all this time knitting.

frankly, the thought pissed me off.
if i’d done all this knitting
and couldn’t finish? well,
it just pissed me off!

i mean, i’ve been doing this for a while now.
i should’ve just gotten new ball.
i felt like such a chump.

but of course,
i didn’t stop knitting.
i refused to believe that i was wrong.
my will is powerful, and i would not be denied!
plus i kinda have this sick curiosity;
i just needed to know how close i was.

well, i’ll show you.
wait.
what’s that?

let’s take a closer look
oh why that would be a finished hat, bitches.
with just enough yarn to close up the top.

so suck it, knitting gods!
i owned your asses tonight!

of course, now i can’t find my chibis,
but i know they’re around here somewhere.

yarn: cascade 220. pattern: my own hat know-how

microblog 9

December 25, 2011

just over three years of knitting
and i finally got my mom to try.
she’s a natural.(those are my great grandmother’s boye knitting needles)

merry christmas, bitches!

microblog 8

December 23, 2011

i knit a hat last night.
it’s wool, blue, glorious.
that is all.

the persistent desire

December 16, 2011

i’m no buddhist.
by which i mean,
i thoroughly enjoy
and revel in
desire.

i desire desire,
in all its many forms:
food
drink
sex
knitting
everything.

an unfortunate combination of events meant i would not be able to do anything fun to honor my epic 27th birthday.
(it has special meaning for me)

my longing was all the more poignant because
veronica, my best friend in all the world
and former bitches get stitches model,
would be in new york city,
and had been pleading
with me to come too.

it wasn’t going to happen.

instead, my birthday would entail
a half-bottle of whiskey and blog post
enumerating the many things i want to have,
from extravagant designer leather goods
to a smile from the cute phd student
in the college of ______.
(i need some secrets)

languishing in pre-birthday despair,
i looked at all the $700 flights to nyc,
wishing somehow i would find a grand
tucked in my the crannies of my couch.

then, a miracle. the heavens opened up,
and the expedia.com gods’ light shone down
on poor, wayward graduate student, steven a.,
offering me a round trip flight to nyc for $160.

to any of my peeps in the nyc,
my stay there will be brief.
so let’s coordinate a time
for us to meet up so you
can give me my presents.

happy birthday to me, bitches!

i have a couple prizes
left over from the fundraiser
a couple winners weren’t spinners
so i sent yarn from my stash, instead.

it wouldn’t be ethical of me to just keep this fiber
no matter how much i might not-so-secretly want it.
so for any of you spinners out there, if you’d like to get your hands on it,
all you have to do is convince me to send it to you.
comments, tweets, blog posts, emails;
all formats will be considered.

remember,
fortune favors the bold!

edit: the fluff has been sent.

aging gracelessly

December 5, 2011

finals time = maximizing procrastination.
which means it’s time to write a blog post, right?

in less that two weeks,
i will be twenty seven years old
(twenty seven? fuck i’m old).

this is the age my mom was when she had me.
i’ve always thought it’s cool that, on dec 18, 2011
i’ll have been in my mom’s life for as long as i haven’t.
(does that sentence make sense?)

kinda weird, right?

it also makes me think of those big life goals we’re supposed to reach:
careers.
monogamy.
babies.

i’ve gone on about it before, so i won’t again.
it’s just one of those times where still being in school
and watching your bank account dip under $100 every week
makes one question if they’ve taken the right path.

in moments like this,
i turn to my alpaca namesake
who is a constant source of smiles here at bgs central.

he’s an unusual alpaca, so i’m told,
(though what constitutes a “usual” alpaca, i’m not sure)
and apparently very friendlythere is no joy in the world like knowing
that, in less than a year on this earth,
the alpaca that shares my name,
is already having three-ways.

my work here is done.

this article was called to my attention
in the form of a “your boyfriend(s)” tweet.
it’s a pretty awesome article from good.is via the baltimore sun.

i have to say,
it’s totally hot.
(i’m not ashamed)

thanks soul twin!

i have to give it to you people;
that 24 hours was fraking exhausting.
there were 94 entrants in the giveaway,
and the winners have been notified.

if i had tried to do this on my own, there’s no way i would have raised nearly the amount of money that we did. i’m not deluded; this was a total communal effort. without the sponsors and promotion by folks with two twitter followers to some of the knitterati who have thousands, none of this would have been possible without the help of all the people who worked to create a mini internet media blitz.

and this is really your doing,
you folks who donated the $10 you could spare
and some very generous folks who dropped some benjamins.
you all made it rain, and, according to my calculations,
we raised $4570.00 for the pittsburgh aids task force.

edit: according jennifer at the pittsburgh aids task, there were 99 donations and we actually raised a grand total of $4,765!

that’s equivalent to approximately 114 119 rapid hiv tests.
there were lots of sneaky folks who donated but didn’t tell me.

not bad for a day’s fundraising.

now i’m off for some finals reclusion,
but i’ll try to pop my head up occasionally.

later, bitches.

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