never go to whole foods angry

August 18, 2010

because if you do,

you will end up with a full bag that in no way adds up to a meal.

all the worker bees who look like 70’s gay porn stars,
riot grrl wannabes, or ysolda teague on meth,
will make you feel bad about yourself.

you will return to the produce section at least two times,
only to emerge with a sad shallot from some mexican hothouse.

you will leave with at least three fall fashion magazines
filled with beautiful things you’ll never fit into much less afford,
and you will feel bad about yourself.

you will try to walk away from the grumpy cashier
without paying for your groceries,
and then say something dumb like,
“it’s just been one of those days!”
and feel worse about yourself.

when you finally get home, crack your last red stripe, and prepare to treat yourself to that cup of shrimp bisque you just couldn’t pass up,
you will notice that you grabbed the whole wheat baguette.
you detest whole wheat baguettes.

the only recourse is to drink that beer real fast,
hug on your french bulldog,
and remember;

never go to whole foods angry.

in knitting news,
the northern summer shawl continues.

the designer, jo kelly, has been furiously charting the pattern.
and apparently triple checking all the stitch counts.
she was good enough to email me the changes
without me even asking.

that is a designer!

i also have a f.o.

my second juneberry triangle.
it’s been done for a while,
but there were blocking issues.
(humidity’s a bitch, no?)
i’ve sent it off to its recipient, but i won’t say who.
they may read the blog, and i want this to be a surprise.

any guesses?

i’m also hoping for another another installment of project ten by the end of the month. fingers crossed that the mitten lady will write back soon.

9 Responses to “never go to whole foods angry”

  1. Brooke Says:

    You crack me up…but ohhhh so true…makes me want to dig deep, find the password to my blog and get busy with it again…

  2. Lana Says:

    Aw honey, you just need a trip to my local Kroger’s to cheer you up. Not only will it improve your body image, but you can also buy Red Stripe there (except on Sundays).

  3. Kimberly Says:

    oooo Love the Juneberry triangle and wish I were the recipient but I know that its not me. A girl can dream!

  4. leashieloo Says:

    <3 it, you are hilarious.

  5. Anna Says:

    Can I borrow your issue of Vogue?

  6. Sarah Says:

    I’m glad to hear the designer you were cursing on Saturday has made things right. Maybe once she gets those charts finished I’ll actually consider knitting the shawl!

  7. Karen C Says:

    I’m going to start making whatever shawls you make…because you have impeccable taste my friend!


  8. If you go to WalMart angry, you’ll wind up feeling better about yourself…because honey, you don’t look HALF that bad. ;)


  9. [...] luscious silk in the “manly yes, but i like it too” colorway. a few months ago, i knit a shawl out of this very yarn for the lovely tina newton so why the hell do i have three more skeins of [...]


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